As much human nature makes me ill sometimes there are so
many times it makes me laugh. Today Phillip and I made our first trip to the post
office which I knew was a potential challenge simply because there would a line
to stand in. Phillip doesn’t do lines and I mean he really lacks the ability to
stand still in that kind of order and be patient. It’s one of the things I am
hoping the autism center will help us with although if they have an answer to
this little conflict I will be shocked. At this point it feels like it’s going
to take time and some maturity to grasp.
So we
walk in and sure enough there is a line of maybe ten people and being I am
trained, I survey the room immediately. Looking for two things and the first
was if he could get out. The answer to that was no and it was a room small
enough I could still see him no matter what. Second was if he is free to roam
can he dismantle anything and again the answer to that was no. Off he went and
I stood in line watching to be sure all he was going to do was run a bit. That
is exactly what he did and was talking his own little Phillip language while he
investigated every corner of the room. He was paying no mind to people because
that is his last interest in a new environment to explore. He was also no more
than ten ft from me at all times which I considered a safe distance with no
dangers in site.
That’s when
I felt it…the eyes of judgment beating down on me like the parenthood Gestapo.
I am used to this and it’s just part of life. I did think in a bigger area
Phillip would blend in a bit more as I hoped autism awareness was more prevalent
but it’s not. A lovely couple ahead of me offered to hold my place in line while
I gathered my unruly child. I declined and thanked them explaining that if I
can see him he is fine with no way out. The look of shock on their faces was a
quick one but what I really wanted to say was….then what? Yes I could scoop him
up and demand he stay in line like an obedient three year old should but I knew
the judgment would grow much harsher from simply trying to get him to stand
still. At one point I could see from the corner of my eye an older women
actually lean forward to get a good look at the mother who was allowing this behavior
to continue. I turned and smiled at her which she returned to be polite.
Phillip
wasn’t doing anything wrong I have to add. He hadn’t touched one display or
caused any problems. He was simply just walking around making noise with a
smile on his face and laughing at himself. I would say he was being a very good
boy for his first trip there and having to wait but society always has an idea
of how we all should do things. If we aren’t keeping the order of social
expectations you stand out in a way some people don’t like or it just makes
them uncomfortable. Soon a group of three was watching him and one of them
covered her mouth and whispered to another. The talk went down the line and I
had no idea what they said to each other but I did know it pertained to my
son. Could have been good and could have
been bad and it doesn’t matter.
Whenever
a situation like this comes up Phillip becomes my mentor. With all the eyes coming
down on him and the whispers being tossed around, he remains totally unfazed by
how unintentionally rude people can be. I am told this is something about him
that needs to be fixed and I can’t even force myself to agree with that.
He was
laughing, jumping around, and smiling with that social miss autism can have but
at the same time I am so very grateful he missed it. Whatever was going through
his mind in that room was so much healthier and inspiring then the socially intact
Gestapo that was waiting for me to create the order expected. So why does this
make me laugh instead of cry? Simple really….it was a room full of people who
could have learned a lot from a boy who could have cared less what they
thought. After all he and I were the only ones smiling and it wasn’t to be socially
polite because we were smiling at each other.
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