You're doing it because your strong enough to!

I read a lot about women and men whose relationships have ended due to raising a special needs child. There is an 80% divorce rate among couples and often times the stress and required energy is too much. Many moms and dads are left to raise a child alone or have chosen to in order to lift one weight from a life already challenged. It’s hard and that’s the bottom line but not all people are fallen to it. There is still that 20% who are sticking together and refuse to let go. Amen to them by the way, they give the 80% a reason to smile because they are doing it.

Raising kids is hard and no one knows exactly what is coming when that baby is placed in their arms. There is the thought no matter what it is they will face it together but that thought is often based on typical challenges not disability challenges. I read a lot of stories that begin with “Autism was too much for my child’s father or mother” and yes moms fade away to believe it or not. It’s not just dads who can’t deal with it and fly away, we just don’t hear much about it.

Here is what I am getting at today, if you are faced with being a lone parent it is not the child or the challenges that have caused it. You face them every day and never stop trying. You get up every morning and believe in the day ahead of you and you believe you will get your child through the day. You’re tired but you do it, you’re frustrated at times but you do it, and you’re judged nearly every single day but you do it. It is not the challenge of a special needs child that tears a relationship apart; it is that one person is just simply not strong enough to do it. Look around you from time to time there are parents everywhere that are tired and haven’t had time alone in a very long time. That in love feeling when people first meet and have a child almost never sticks even in a completely typical family. In time it really becomes a job for everyone.

Women and men are hard on themselves when one walks away and are often left feeling they have done something wrong or didn’t do enough to hold it together. Not so because the one thing that was lacking was a strong enough person to hold on. A strong enough person to realize all kids are a challenge and when you have one you’re supposed to be in for the long haul even on the worst of days. Autism is routine based and the days do become long and similar to the movie Ground Hog Day but the day a child is born a person has to be strong enough to face it if they happened to be that one in fifty. I have met some amazing autism parents in the last year. Some are single moms, single dads, and couples fighting like hell to make it work and all of them are doing it because they are strong enough to. The love they have for their child can’t be weakened by a disability and so many times I hear how a disability taught them even more about the love they have.

If someone has left your life in the face of hard times no matter who that may be it’s not the hard times that caused it, it’s the person. A person who lacks ability to get it done and in the end doesn’t get the chance to be there to see the miracles unfold. They may be gone because of a disability but it’s their own disability not the child’s that chased them away. I admire single parents and I admire the couples who are holding on because no matter which one you are, you have a strength others can’t come close to and that also not something everyone is born. For some it kicks in when the time comes and for others, it just doesn’t.

Reflection time fades as quickly as it hits.

               Reflection is on my mind today and many others after yesterday’s tornado devastation. Something happens in the world or in someone’s life and we all sit back and say “my heart breaks and I just can’t imagine.” All of a sudden everyone is glued to their TV overwhelmed with empathy and shock for people they have never known or ever will. We try to imagine what it would be like to crawl out of the rubble and have everything gone. We try to imagine what it would it would be like to stay at work praying your child is safe at school only to find out you will never see your child again and couldn’t be there to hold them when the terror hit. The whole country sits down and cries wishing they could do something to ease the hell strangers are facing.

                Every time a tragedy hits we all go quiet and pay attention but for too many people it only takes days to get back to life and forget. We carry on in the comfort we have with things and people we don’t realize we are so damn lucky to have. We go right back to buying things we don’t need and putting off people we do need. Reflection time fades as quickly as it hit and really its human nature to not think about how easily life can change. No one wants to think about what ifs and how much of life they are taking advantage of until they have to. Or until something in the world reminds us how fast it can be taken away or destroyed. We all have that it won’t happen to me syndrome in one way or another.

                What if we all stopped living that way and hung on to the feeling we have when we see people lose everything? What if we didn’t ease back into our comforts and refused to let it fade until the next tragedy hit? I sometimes wonder what people would do differently with their life if they really understood they aren’t in charge of when or how it can all be taken away. If someone knew the sky was going to pick up their car and swallow it, would they spend every single day working to pay for a car they couldn’t actually afford or would they have kept it simple from the start. If they knew ahead of time their neighbor was going to be pulled from the wreckage lifeless, would they have said hello the day before? If they knew every single thing they owned would be gone in a blink of an eye would they still have maxed out the credit card at the mall last week?

                We all know the answers to these questions but we don’t live it or at least we get right back to it when the tragedy fades for those who aren’t directly in it anyway. I have learned in the past few years to hang on to reflection because it’s too important to let fade away. That care we feel for others when something horrible happens is not supposed to be a temporary feeling induced by shock. It’s supposed to be part of everyday life because that’s how you affect someone’s life and your own just by waking up in the morning. When the media finds something else to report and the events of yesterday are no longer getting the ratings they aim for, don’t let the feeling you had when you saw those images on TV leave you.  Hang onto that feeling of caring about people you don’t even know before the media starts blasting the same old stories once again about all the evils in the world that make you not even want to leave your house. After all if you still have a house, you have much more than a lot of people right now.

I LOVE YOU!

                 Something happened yesterday that was literally beyond words and I didn’t see coming. I did, but not for years. I didn’t blast it on to Facebook right away because I really just sat back and wanted it all to myself for just a little while. It was that monumental and awesome!

                Phillip has been making huge efforts to speak more and many of the things he is trying to say are actually coming out, just in the past few days, as communication. Not just words but words spoken at the right time. He has put two words together at a time and although not clear the sounds are coming together. It’s been an answer to prayer to say the least and with every single word he says I am reminded of how strong he is and how much we have conquered so far.

                Exactly one year ago he was diagnosed with autism and he was completely lost in another world. Getting his attention was nearly impossible and screaming fits were a daily event. No one understood him but me, or at least I was really beginning to see the world through his eyes more clearly. He was flapping his hands, squinting his eyes, spinning, and not one sign of communication. Even touching him was not an option for some people around us. I remember a day someone who was close to us was holding a baby who was a bit younger than him and this person looked at me and said “at least I can hold this one!” To be fair this person had no idea how that statement hurt but it did. I remember feeling like things would never get better and he might never live up to what everyone felt he should be. On a daily basis I hurt for him because he was trapped inside himself. All I wanted in the whole world was to bust him out of there even if it was just a little bit. I watched other kids talking away to their moms and dads and wondered if they fully appreciated hearing the words that never stopped coming at them.  The one thing I always paid close attention to was when I child said “I love you” to a parent and if they knew how damn lucky they were to hear it.

                I have not missed one night of my son’s life so far without saying to him “I love you” and giving him a kiss. I have been able to get him to repeat the words one at a time which is huge progress and I figured one day he would add the words to the nightly routine, one day not anytime soon. A little part of me also was a little worried that’s all it would be is, routine. Yes I know that is a bit of a selfish worry but I am not ashamed of wanting to hear it and I have not had much expectation on the subject. I just carry on knowing he loves me because he does show it.

                Yesterday I was sitting in the kitchen and he crawled up on my lap wrapping himself around me like a little monkey for a hug. He wrapped his arms tightly around my neck and with his little face right next to my ear said “I love you.” Clear as day and even though you would think I would jump for joy and shout to the mountain tops I didn’t. I quietly said to him “thank you Phillip” and tears instantly started to come. I managed to get out an "I love you to" through one of the happiest cries I have ever had and he just began to giggle. He sat up turned my head sideways and kissed my cheek then hugged me some more and continued to giggle. It was a moment I did not expect, wasn’t routine, and I can only explain as a miracle for him to be able to do. A miracle I wish I had the answer to and wish I could give it to every parent on the planet quietly and patiently waiting for it.

                I have made a lot of decisions in the past year that I have been judged for and often times I have had to argue those decisions knowing the person or people on the other end thought I was nuts but the only opinion I have ever cared about is my son’s. Yesterday he didn’t just tell me he loved me, he also told me I’m doing everything just right and so are the people who are in his life rooting for him.

How fast can a child wander off? Faster than you think.

                Wandering is a nightmare and that nightmare happened to little Mikaela Lynch and her family this week. I will start this blog by saying my thoughts and heartache is with the family and the pain they are going through we can’t even imagine.

                If you follow this blog you know I used to live in Montana on 5 acres in the Kootenai National Forrest. I owned 5 acres but the actual area was endless miles of forest a child could have been lost in. People need to understand how quickly something like this can happen because for this family it happening in the blink of an eye. My home was one story near a river and my neighbors had a pond, two very clear dangers. One day I took my son outside to pull some weeds in the front yard. There was a single car garage attached to my home to give you an idea of distance. I was at one end of the single car garage and my son was just at the corner of the other end. I looked down pulled two weeds and when I looked back he was no longer standing there. I got up and walked towards where he was but when I rounded the corner he was gone. I continued to walk and yelled his name hoping he would stop moving but when I went around the next corner he was nowhere to be seen. My heart stopped and the panic hit. I ran down the back side of the house screaming his name and still could not see him or hear him. I ran across the yard for fear he had decided to run over the neighbor’s pond, something he was always drawn to and still not one glimpse of him.

                At that moment I didn’t know if I should run in the house to get the phone and call 911 or keep screaming. If I went inside I might miss a glimpse of him or some clue as to where he was.  I was scared to death my son had vanished into the woods and I had lost him. The entire event was not even 5 minutes but I knew he would not come back or respond he would just keep going towards whatever it was he was focused on. My voice was nothing compared to the distractions that mountain provided. I froze for a moment and God bless my black lab for walking over to one of our sheds because that was when I noticed the door was cracked just a bit. I ran over and when I opened the door there was my son standing silent spinning a bike tire. He heard me screaming over and over but it didn’t matter because he was fixated on the tire. I was lucky because the dangers that property gave us where endless and if he ever wandered up into that mountain I feared the worst.

                If I can’t see my son I will constantly say “where is Phillip?” to others and it’s not because I am smothering my child or won’t give him space. It’s because if he goes and is focused the dangers are irrelevant. Water is the number one danger for autistic children. Group that with wandering, silence, the desire to investigate and tragedy is a very real fear. Anyone who thinks a child can’t disappear this easily is mistaken. It happens quickly and as quick as looking away to pull two weeds.  Children with autism often focus on one thing at a time with intense interest. If something is in the street that grabs this focus, cars are totally irrelevant. Distance from a parent or sibling is totally irrelevant. Common dangers are totally irrelevant and many times it’s the danger itself that is the focus. In our case fire is a big one because the way fire moves outweighs the heat and its ability to burn my son. The movement of water and how water is never boring to play with outweighs it ability to take a life.

                Anyone who blames or lacks understanding for the pain and heartache Mikaela Lynch’s family is feeling needs to read this. My heart is with them as all of our hearts should be.  

An easy statement with a big impact!

              Yesterday a woman sat down a table away from us at McDonalds with two little boys. After being there for a bit she noticed my son had shared his happy meal toy with no verbal way of getting it back and she sparked up a conversation with me. Her first question was how old my son was and the boys were very close in age, then she said her son was autistic and by the way I did not notice this before she told me but after she told me it was clear to me. We talked about the boy’s similar social skills and verbal progress and soon realized they were very much alike. I asked her when her son was diagnosed and that was when she told me he was in the process of it now.

                As soon as she said that to me my heart sank a bit because I know just how difficult of a place that is to be in. The information coming at you or even lack of, the confusion, the self doubt, the mama bear instincts that rise up, the why’s and how’s, and the feeling of being very alone. I also had no idea what to say to her and that surprised me. I was actually very disappointed in myself for not having some inspirational speech for her or words to ease the world around her. Something to help her feel she was not alone or to blame but I had nothing. I know from my own experience I would not want to relive the event again in any way because the emotional toll it took was overwhelming to say the least. I am not sure anyone could have said anything to me that would have eased things because it was something I had to sort out within myself over time. I know what shouldn’t have been said to me and I am going to list a few of those things today just in case someone finds themselves sitting next to a parent who is in the middle of an autism diagnosis.

1.       I don’t believe it.

2.       He is will snap out of it one day

3.       You need to socialize your child more.

4.       If you get him out of the house and around more kids he will open up.

5.       It’s those damn vaccines, how many did you let them give your child?

6.       Maybe your child is just deaf, get his hearing checked.

7.       That boy just doesn’t want to talk

8.       Don’t let them medicate him!

9.       I am so sorry

10.   Did you get any vaccines while you were pregnant, no one should ever do that!

11.   My cousin’s kid has autism and he turned out OK.

12.   He will be OK, some people will autism are able to get jobs and have a pretty normal life.

13.   Last but not least is my one of the worst things said to me when my son was diagnosed and by far the most hurtful thing anyone could say “There is nothing wrong with him, you just aren’t doing enough” Of course a stranger would never say that but no matter how you know the person, this should NEVER be said.

 

            Now I am going to tell you the number one thing you can say to parent who is facing an autism diagnosis or has already been through it and it’s very easy. The most powerful words someone can hear that will stay with them every day. “you are a very strong parent and your child is blessed to have you." It is truly that easy to say the right thing, even to a stranger who sits down next to you. This I did say before we left and the smile it left on her face was exactly what I wanted to see because it was a fact and sometimes people need to hear it. It helps to get through that moment that might come later in the day that is challenging or it just reminds someone they are stronger than they feel when the world blasts a curve ball at you, and you didn't see it coming. Every parent on earth likes to hear this no matter what the circumstance and those simple words have gotten me through some of my worst days. Sometimes we just forget and it's a reminder we all need from time to time. An easy statement with a big impact!

You're going to be a mom and you're going to LOVE IT!

                

                Motherhood is so funny and such a life altering event it’s hard to put into words. I remember as a kid hanging out with my friends, all moms now, talking about what we would be doing when we got older. I couldn’t even begin to imagine myself at 36 so thinking that far ahead was totally out of the question.  I never said I wanted children and most of my friends would say one child and that funny statement we make as kids “and I will be there friend.” No way will we be the kind parents our parents were with all those dang rules and all of that parental control. It’s all so funny to me now because not only are we all moms but we all have more than one child, and we all practice parental control. Every once in a while you get a glimmer of friendship but most of the time you are a parent.

                I try to imagine what I would have said 25 years ago if I was to say exactly what my life would actually be one day. One day I will do load after load of laundry no matter how crusty a sock is I am going to touch it. I am going to cook dinners no one likes and then I am going to clean it all up day after day. I am going to get up really early every day and stay up late every night. I am going to drive a minivan and still call myself cool and sometimes I will get to turn up the radio. All of my shopping will be at a grocery store and I will go so often due to short term memory loss those checkers will know me by first name basis. I am going to get puked on, pooped on, and peed on so much that the smell will not faze me one bit. I am going to say really uncool things like, “turn that music down! It’s angry and makes my brain hurt.” Or “no, you are not wearing that shirt to school, or anywhere else.” I am even going to say things I don’t want anyone to hear me say like, “gross! Put that dog poop down right now!” Or “That’s not a toy, now give mommy the hammer please.” I am going to wear sweatshirts and sweat pants all the time because one day I am just going to forget how to dress up and won’t care much, plus the grime of motherhood seems to go unnoticed in a ratty sweatshirt. No one will make me feel special every day for working so hard for no pay, I will just know what I am doing is special by watching it all come together in a way that appears I look like I know what I am doing.

                If I could write down my life and take it back to my ten year old self to read my ten year old self would cry and possibly find the nearest cliff to jump off of. My 36 year old self would smile and say “you’re going to be a mom and you’re going to LOVE IT!”

My 3 year old son is autistic and easy...knock on wood!

              I am antisocial and I know it. I wasn’t born that way and it’s not a neurological challenge that I know of, I am just not social. Honestly I have spent 36 years carefully choosing who knows me well and who just knows me. I have a handful of amazing women in my life and each of them I feel is a sister to me. I am extremely comfortable with all of them and none of them know each other very well if at all. If I find myself in a situation I need to be friendly and social I can do friendly but social, not so much. I am quiet for a long time before people know me and even then I can still be quiet to a point. I know all of this about myself and I am perfectly fine with it but at the same time struggling to fit in is something I very much understand when I watch my son around other kids and not always knowing what to do.

                When I take my son to and from the autism center the parents gather in the lobby and typically they are all talking to each other. Not me, I sit and wait for that little smile to round the corner quietly. No one knows I am a blogger or have an autism awareness page and I don’t think any of the therapists know either. Sometimes I will say a few words to someone so they know I am not a complete mute but for the most part I keep to myself. It’s not because I want to but lately it’s more because I can’t relate to the conversations I hear. Most of the time I hear struggles and challenges and often times I see just by looking at mom or dad the day has been hard. I don’t know if I am worst autism advocate there is or a good one but I have found myself in a situation as a parent I have not one dang thing to say about autism that is challenging us. My son is excelling every single day and nothing seems to be a struggle lately. Yes, he fights for progress but nothing has left me confused or frustrated as a parent for a very long time.

                He isn’t potty trained but that’s ok for now and we work on it slowly. I haven’t set any time frame to that and don’t intend to as long as I see small progress I am grateful. He is saying more words, still not communicating his needs but we are in sync so it comes together pretty easily. He has even changed his routine up a bit lately and seems to be growing bored with how things have been day in and day out. So change is coming and it’s because he wants it, which is very different from what we are used to.  He stopped wearing a coat every day and has even ventured out without shoes on his feet without growing upset if something is stuck t his foot, like a blade of grass. He still has a horrible selection of food he will eat but he eats it and seems to be growing just fine so no concern there either. I would like to say his last meltdown was a week ago but I honestly can’t remember for sure.

                When I listen to the parents talk I just can’t jump into the conversation and I almost feel bad about it. Not bad that we are doing so well lately but bad that they are going through such difficult struggles. I want to fix it for them so badly but I also see so many different levels of autism no one can possibly have answers to it all. I also feel a bit guilty because my son is easy, very easy. Is there such a thing? An easy child with autism? Well, I guess at this point in our journey the answer is yes my three year old son who is autistic is easy. I don’t know how it happened and I don’t know what exactly made it happen but that is where we are. So in one way I could be the worst autism awareness parent there is because I just don’t have much to address lately or I could be a great one because that is not how the world sees autism at all. The world sees autism as a constant struggle that wears a parent out and that is just not the case these days for us. I am worn out but that is three kids and poor sleeping habits not autism because autism sleeps just fine around here.

                I know one thing and that is that I need to be more social with the other parents because even though I feel a bit out of place in their conversations I might have a place in those conversations that gives them hope. I also know this easy way of life we seem to have lately could change just like that, I hope it doesn’t but I know it can. Nothing in this crazy life stays the same or I wouldn’t be able to say I have an easy child with autism in the first place because a year ago not one day could have qualified as easy or close to it.

Every single day of fighting leads to that very moment!

              Those little moments happen that you wish every single person who knows your child could be there to watch it unfold. That moment you see something happen that literally takes your breath away because you didn’t see it coming, you hoped but you really just hang on to that hope not totally sure when or how the next moment will come. You watch it happen and you feel a surge of joy rush right through you that you don’t want to end, ever. Most parents know this as a moment a child scores the winning goal, gets straight A’s at school, has a talent that shoots them to the top, or they just do something that clearly indicates they are going to excel in life in general.

                It’s a little different around here and although I believe my son will excel, shoot to the top, get good grades, and I haven’t given up the thought he could score a winning goal in whatever sport he enjoys, the moments are different from your typical milestone celebrations.  This morning we had a moment that took my breath away and I had to stand back and watch because I didn’t want to interrupt and possibly have it stop happening. We did our regular morning routine and headed out for the autism center. In the van I talked to him about having fun, working hard, and who he might have for a therapist today. When I do this he never responds and just watches the world go by with no expression or really even a hint he is listening to me, I just assume he is. He has had two therapists lately rotating with him and one he hasn’t seen since last week. He seems to feel about the same way about all of them and just walks in the door and heads up the stairs with whoever follows him. Today that was not the case and what happened blew my mind.

                Phillip walked up to the doors which are glass so he can see inside and all of the therapists were standing and waiting for the kids to arrive. He stopped in front of the door, bent down and looked through the glass and then the biggest smile ever took over his face. I am so used to him not expressing much feeling towards activities like this I was shocked and yes I stepped back to watch. Then we walked in and I assumed whatever had just happened was over and we would be back to business until the therapist he hadn’t seen since last week said hello to him and then the smile came right back to his face and didn’t leave. It was a moment I would relive over and over again because I told his therapist “o my he LOVES you and missed you!” and I wasn’t just saying it because I know he feels it like I have so many times in the past. This time he showed it and I would have given the world for everyone who knows how hard he fights to see it happen. Especially those who stepped away from our lives because they didn’t see that he was in there trying like to hell to get out. A moment like that feels just like the moment your child scores the winning goal in a very important game and this mama did NOT hold back the tears because every single day of fighting leads to that very moment.

Belief and expectation are two very different things.

                I had a very vivid dream last night and woke up in the AM trying to figure out if my dream was real or not. One of those, it takes a moment to find reality kind of wake ups. I typically do not remember my dreams and that is a good thing because I have been inflicted with nightmares for the last fifteen years. If I remember a dream it’s because I am still a bit traumatized by it but last night’s dream was far from a nightmare.  In that dream my son looked at me and said “mommy, I love you.” He said it clear and looked at me when he said it with a smile and when I woke up I was still feeling excited. Once I realized I was still half asleep all I wanted to do was go back and hear it one more time. Not possible of course but luckily I remember it so well it’s replaying in my mind for now.

                I know 100% my son loves me beyond what I even know I am sure but like many parents I just don’t hear it. He has said it but it’s a repeat meaning I say one word and then he repeats it and this is one word at a time slowly and it’s very hard for him to get out. I am used to lack of verbal communication and I have learned to read him without talk but that does not mean I wouldn’t give the world to hear him speak one phrase no matter what he would say. Not just to hear it but to allow him to push it out and see that part of his personality I can’t hear. I make a very big effort to not dwell on the I wish he would part of life because what he will do is not the same. It’s not fair to him to expect what he cannot do. I have listened to people say what they wish he would do and it made me angry so I can’t imagine what that might feel like for him to hear. Dad always wished he would get excited to see him after a long trip to Alaska but Phillip was unable to express that, not his fault, but people tend to forget what really matters sometimes. Expectations that cannot be reached are a killer for all of us in one way or another.

                What he does it enough and it’s hard for him every single day. Yesterday in the van on the way to the beach a song played on the radio and I glanced back in the rearview mirror. His eyes perked up and he slowly moved his head a bit. When we all started smiling at him he moved his head just a bit more and then really started to get into the song with all of us cheering him on. It was the first time he physically showed a response to music without being shown what to do and it was huge! I see how much effort it takes him to do something like this because it doesn’t just come out. He literally is pulling it out with everything he has which is why it won’t happen again soon, it is work and it’s hard work. Moving his head to a song without being shown how sounds so very simple but if it were simple for him it would not have taken this long to do it.

 Expectation and belief are two very different things and I never expect anything from my son but I do believe every day he can and he will with enough time and patience. I believe he will one day be able to say “mommy, I love you” but I also believe it’s going to take a very long time, possibly years for him to get that out as I heard it in my dream last night. He will have to work very hard to do it and when he does it will be a moment I won’t be able to explain no matter how hard I try but believing in him is the most important thing to get him there. For now I need to process the fact Whistle by Flo Rida is the song that inspired my son to show his car seat dance abilities and that is something I did not expect.

 

Bryce is a true hero and inspired me to add a step to our routine.

http://www.puyallup.k12.wa.us/ourdistrict/news/newsdetail.cfm?NID=1422

               The Story above will make you cry and you can count on that and no this young man is not autistic. He is just one amazing boy who I would say got his mom’s heart beating just by being close to her. There is another reason I shared this story and it is a fear of mine that I think about more than I care to.

                I am not afraid of dying like I hear many parents say because they don’t know who will care for their children. I am very blessed and know if something were to happen to me my family would take excellent care of my son. They might struggle like crazy trying to figure him out but he would be loved with patience just as he is now and long term care would be excellent. My fear is if something was to happen to me at home and my son is here with me, what would he do? If I were to have a heart attack or whatever else could happen he does not have the ability to call 911 or get help. He will be 4 in October so he is young but at the same time I am not even sure he would understand why I would not be moving.

                That scares me like crazy and then I worry about if for some reason 911 is called how would he be able to understand any of it without slipping into a meltdown on top of what could be happening. Seems silly to be concerned about that but it’s a legit fear because I have no idea how he would cope with that kind of situation but I know he wouldn’t cope well.  Many kids would see mom or dad on the floor or bed not waking up and they would understand that help is needed. Knowing my child I think he would either sit with me and cry or wander around the house waiting for me to get up.  He would not have the ability to get himself a drink or food and what if for some reason he got out of the house, he would wander away without the speech to tell anyone who he is and what has happened. The thought of something happening to me that is unexpected scares the heck out of me simply because of his lack of understanding and his reliance on me.

                The young man in this story is amazing on every level and in this case both mom and dad were very lucky to have him there, beyond lucky really. His strength saved his moms heart from stopping and gave dad a moment of its going to be ok. None of us know what is coming our way in life and none of us really know how long or short our time will be but I do regularly pray I am here for my son and he does not ever have to face being here for me. At the same time this story stressed the importance in my mind that I need to create to some kind of plan even if it’s to be more diligent about keeping my cell phone close to me. Too often I leave it out of reach and at this point I can’t just tell my son to go get my phone, he simply wouldn’t do it because it’s not part of routine. After reading this story it is something we are going to instill in his life even if it’s just the understanding of getting the phone when I ask because being able to do that could make all the difference in the world if the time ever comes and I hope it never does.