This morning I woke up to an article about a woman who killed her autistic son by throwing him off a bridge. Heartbreaking story to say the least and instead of blasting this story like the media will I want to point out five things I have learned from having a child with autism that has improved my life and how my autistic son has made me a better person.
1. I am eternally grateful for the patience my son has taught me. He taught me to slow down and pay attention because he needs the slow down to process and stay cool. We all live in a hurry and most of us can process everything around us on sight. We also take advantage of that and miss a lot while rushing through life. I was already a patient person but now my patience is outstanding and necessary. I learned this by stepping back and letting him show me the way at a pace he needed. Life is pretty cool when you slow down and catch the details.
2. The art of saying no and not feeling bad about it. I was never really good at saying no before I had a child who needed me to. By that I mean when others tell you what you should be doing, often the only good answer is no. From the very start I had people familiar with autism telling me what I needed to do to help him. Therapists, advocates, doctors, family, and even friends filling my ears with what they felt to be the right thing to do because of what they knew about autism. It is a hard thing to ignore people and stand your ground because the only person who can guide you is a non verbal three year old, at the time. It is easier to just do what they say but sometimes the word no is more important and easier has nothing to do with it.
3. I am beyond grateful for the lesson of knowing who has your back no matter what. I was fairly comfortable with the people in my life and confident I had there support until an autism diagnosis came into play. It was a bit shocking to me how many people in my life at the time did a complete turnabout when I moved forward with his diagnosis. How some people close to me judged and even blamed me for not doing enough. How many people actually stated "I don't believe it" or "He will grow out of it in time." There is no room for people like this in an autism parents life and especially in my child's life. Clarity and moving on gave us both room for all the right people.
4. I discovered it is totally okay to feel like a crappy parent from time to time who can't fix everything. In fact it's probably very healthy to feel this, have a cry, and get up and try again. There is no such thing a parent, autism or not, who believes they are an outstanding parent who has it all figured out. That is one thing all parents have in common but most are just a little uncomfortable admitting it because they are always looking for a way to be that. My son forced me to realize sometimes there truly is no answer and that's okay.
5. Autism is not the worst thing that can happen to you, in fact it's not happening to you. It's affecting you but it's happening to your child. I have been taught by my son to never give up because he is the one who truly lives with autism and I have never seen him give up. Every single day a five year old shows me what it means to be a fighter and he has no idea he is doing it.
Through all the bad media we see we need to remember and pay attention to the good beyond the struggles. We need to make sure people understand autism parents aren't broken and neither are our children. Affected by autism but not broken and it's important to focus on the right things.
