In between meltdowns.

                 Phillip had a meltdown marathon yesterday and well, these days happen. Not as often as they could but when they do it is completely draining. It’s not the meltdowns that drain you and he is a three years old so tantrums are going to come no matter what. What is honestly draining about these days is the inability to help him or to know what has caused him to have such a hard day. This morning he seems ok so far and unfortunately we have to just move on from yesterday with no answer.

                Days like this also have an effect on the mom and dad unit. I am pretty real about the autism element in our lives and my grasp on the fact sometimes nothing can be done is a good grasp. Not an easy grasp as a mother but I have faced it enough to know I can really do nothing at times. Dad tends to keep the faith a little stronger then I do and believes  if he handles it like you would a typical child, you will get a typical reaction. Over time this really has caused some static and frustration between him and me. I tend to stand back and watch the struggle thinking one day dad is going to understand,  you can do nothing for him but leave him alone, but dad is a stubborn old bull.

                Yesterday in the heat of things and after dad had made several typical attempts to calm Phillip, I stepped in and took Phillip upstairs so he could be alone and calm himself. I came back downstairs and could see the frustration on dad and some hurt from not being able to help. I had to say something to him I hadn’t yet and also have been avoiding since the autism diagnosis but the longer this goes on the harder for everyone.

                I said to him, “I don’t want to come off as cruel but you need to realize our son is not typical. He is not going to react the way you are hoping he will and honestly he may never.”

                After I said it I realized even I needed to hear that. I know things have to be very different raising him and I know typical parenting won’t work but I also know many times I have hoped for a typical reaction. Maybe I am not as outwardly clear about it as dad is but guilty just as well. 

                When you think you already have some experience in parenting and then an autism diagnosis comes your way something happens. It almost feels like you are the new kid in school. You don’t know your way around, you feel like everyone is looking at you, and let’s just say a new country to because there is a huge language barrier. Everything you thought you knew is now irrelevant and adjusting is extremely hard, not impossible, but hard.

                With all that said dads stubborn will to hang onto typical could also be a very positive trait for Phillip as he gets older because even though he is not typical…he will wanted to be treated that way. In between meltdowns that is.