As a parent you might be experiencing a privilege that you are not even aware is a privilege. That moment your child falls down and your instincts kick in to rush over, scoop them up, check for injuries, and be the magic parent who makes it all feel better. You comfort your child until the tears stop and encourage them to keep moving. It's really one of the truly awesome privileges of being a parent, getting to save the day! Just to clarify this only pertains to non serious simple fall downs associated with childhood in general and serious injuries are never an awesome thing.
As an autism parent I have been denied that privilege repeatedly. Many times my son has fallen down and skinned his knee and the looks other parents give me are never good. I know if I try to save the day with comfort or touching him in any way I will make things much worse. So I stand there not speaking, not touching him, and just waiting to see if he can continue on. When he is able to calm himself and play again I see the looks of confusion and sometimes a hint of disgust. After all I just stand there and to other parents I probably appear to be a very cold mother. Honestly this stand back and wait tactic has been an extremely hard and sometimes painful approach that has made me feel like a cold mother but the typical nurturing response was always more painful for him. I tried for a long time to swoop in and be the magic mommy and each time I sent him into full blown meltdown because as soon as he hits the ground he doesn't just get a skinned knee he gets sent into sensory overload immediately. It's an unexpected event with an unexpected physical feeling and up to this point standing back and waiting was the most nurturing thing I could do, until yesterday.
Yesterday my son tripped and fell on concrete. He slid on his elbows, there was blood involved and I waited for a moment to see how he was going to react, assuming I would not be able to touch him for the next hour at the very least. This time the unexpected happened and for the first time ever I was able to kneel in front of him, check his elbows, and feel a little bit like a magic mommy. He let me touch him and talk to him through fighting his tears and while I cleaned the blood from his elbow he reached out for a hug. Instead he put his hands on the side of my face and I did the same to him telling him he would be just fine and it happens. He agreed, pulled back his tears, I pulled back mine, and we continued on with the day quickly.
Most parents don't realize being a magic parent that swoops in for the rescue is in fact a privilege and a privilege some don't get because it will potentially cause more stress. Yesterday I was able to be a bit of a magic mommy for the first time in years and although I don't want my son to stop himself with his elbows on concrete on a regular basis, this one time I will never forget because I was allowed the privilege of picking him up and making it all better. Doing the opposite of what my instincts tell me to do may have always been better for him, but extremely challenging for me and being an autism mom has taught me to truly appreciate those privileges that don't come easy.
