I am going somewhere today I didn’t want to go but it is
making me so crazy I just have to. The martyr parent is just too destructive to
ignore. You probably know one or possibly are one and this is a big problem for
kids with a difference. So many times I have read stories or come across a
parent who is at odds with an issue they are having with a child and yes I
completely empathize but many times I am left with a dumb founded look on my
face. The martyr parent is the one who uses the difference, no matter what it
may be to create pity for them and sometimes they don’t even know they are
doing it.
Some time ago I came across a
picture someone posted of a wound their child had given them and it stated “I
hate autism”. I was frustrated with that message because it also stated the child
never behaves that way with anyone else. Only towards the parent and only when
he or she doesn’t get there way. To me this translated as a choice and control
the child was actually showing and I couldn’t understand the picture being
posted with extreme hatred towards the difference. That makes people want to
run away from learning about the difference.
Or
there is the story recently being blasted around the internet of the boy at
school whose parents hadn’t paid the lunch bill so he went without lunch. I
reposted that story basically because I thought it was odd the parents weren’t
called earlier in the day to either pay the bill or bring a lunch. Notifying
the parents of their policies before the child had to skip lunch. What also bothered
me about the story was if the child wasn’t autistic would it still be internet
blasting worthy? No. People would simply say pay your lunch bill but if you
throw autism in the mix it’s a human rights issue. This doesn’t just happen to
autistic kids and yes he should have been fed but what about the bill? Why does
autism over shadow how the problem came about? It’s pretty clear mom and dad
didn’t forget to pay the internet bill but because it involved autism the
mistakes by both school and parents fade away. Then you have a child stuck in the
middle of adults who all screwed up and he was hungry.
If we
want autism to be understood we have to stop the martyr syndrome that is affecting
so many people. All of sudden the word autism alone makes people want to turn
and run. They don’t want to hear complaining or a plea for pity. They want to
hear what autism is and how it operates. If we focus on the negative no one is
going to stick around long enough to learn the positives. The hardest job
anyone will ever face is parenting, that is if they are working to be a good
parent and yes autism creates some complicated challenges. I have three kids
and completely changing the way I parent is like walking around in the dark all
day. I have to find my way to the light switch so I can see and I do run into
walls all the time. I can say this way of parenting is kind of exciting and
this might come as a surprise but is also fun! I never get to stop thinking and
I like it. A vacation would be nice but if I didn’t take my kids with me I
would be bored to death. Everyone is guilty of the martyr syndrome at some
point and Lord knows I am one of those people to. You could probably find it my
blog a few times or more, but we have to stop this madness or it’s going to
become a negative side effect of an already complicated difference. Don’t be a
martyr! Our children need us to be a positive voice for them and help others
want to learn.
The martyr
syndrome is contagious so watch out for it because once it takes hold the only
cure is to know that you’ve caught it and early intervention!
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