Reminded of abilites I wasn't using.

                It can be so easy to get discouraged on this autism journey. It doesn’t even have to be an event in life that is related to autism but when your focus is your child or children even events unrelated can cause some weak moments in life. They can make the days harder and take over your mind like a negativity virus that has to run its course. In the meantime just daily life gets to be a challenge, a bigger challenge. I have always said life gets hard but it never stays that way, it just simply can’t. Time doesn’t allow it. Even on our very worst day we have to know the good is coming because it is and time is going to restore your state of mind.

                Yesterday was one of those days time finally stepped in and restored my state of mind. The days have discouraged me and my focus has been mucked up by things totally unrelated to autism. The weather is getting nice and a day at the park was exactly what I needed to clear my head. Not just a day at the park but a day I watched miracles unfold all day long with my son. Tiny miracles rolled in one after another and yes we did hit a meltdown last night but I expected it after a long day of my son pushing back at autism. That can’t be easy for him to do because he has to tell autism…no.

                At the beach he would typically be so distracted he just can’t listen, but he did. Not just listened but looked when I pointed at things and followed when I asked. Maybe that doesn’t sound like a miracle but for his busy mind it is. We walked to the end of the pier and this was another miracle because he is afraid of heights and challenged it, right along with holding my hand. He rarely holds my hand for direction and every second he clung to it I wanted to cry tears of joy. At the end of pier I pointed at the play ground and told him “let’s go there”. He looked at it and that is exactly where he headed, another miracle because he can’t usually ignore what is right in front of him to look beyond it and direct himself.

                At the playground he fought the crowd of kids to stand in line and go down the spiral slide all by himself. Three miracles in that because all those kids would have normally been overwhelming, standing in line I have never seen him do, and that slide alone was a big victory. Thankfully all of the kids behind him seemed to see he needed just a bit more time to go down that slide and none of them pushed or hurried him, they just waited for him to go. After going down that slide over and over again he did begin to wander and he started to wander right into a girl who was going to take him out via swing set. I couldn’t get to him fast enough and another parent grabbed the swing and prevented the collision. Phillip of course just walked on through totally unaware but the other mom seemed to know exactly what provoked him to be so unaware and she was awesome about it.

                Next miracle he walked to the van which was pretty far away and held my hand again across the parking lot. Climbed into the van and did not protest one bit. The miracles continued on all day long, nonstop and one right after another. I watched him all day face those autism challenges and urges to be distracted and basically he said not today to those challenges. He found a way to push it back and take control and no he might not do this today or tomorrow but he did it and that’s all that matters. He has very little control and yet he found a way to grab it, all the while I have total control every day and wasn’t using it. One day of watching him showed me just how silly I have been allowing distractions and challenges to bring me down and I don’t have that element of autism working against me.

                Time, a flow of miracles and a three year old who can’t speak basically showed me I have been a silly woman who wasn’t using her ability to fight back against the things that had been discouraging me. It was a day of lessons for me and a day of success for him. Watching him take his mind and take on the world that normally causes him to struggle was a big wake up call for me in so many ways. I don’t have to fight like him and I still allowed silly things to invade my head and drag me down. I had forgotten and he reminded me I have an ability to say no to the negatives and focus on the quality of the days. It’s not that hard to do and yet I wasn’t doing it. Now….mom is back on track with a little help from a boy who reminds her what life is all about.