How does autism affect a relationship?

                 How does autism affect a relationship? Well I don’t know but I do know how united a couple has to be to move things along in a positive way. I am more than impressed with the couples I have encountered who seem to be united for their child no matter what. That is not an easy task at all and you can say a couples world is somewhat rocked when everything changes. A change that wasn’t planned for or expected can put a couple to the ultimate test. Some couples unite and some divide and both are an extremely big challenge.

                 Here is the easiest way to break it down and it goes a little something like this. Your typical couple has a baby and they know what’s coming. Sleepless nights, most days are spent at home, you celebrate the milestones, and at a comfortable age you call grandma and have a date night. Sometimes that comfortable age is only weeks old because grandma knows babies. You might take your child to story time and sit quietly with the rest of the moms with your little one keeping still on your lap. You can attend sibling’s school events while your child plays or keeps by your side.  You’re able to take your child anywhere you go as long as you pack enough provisions for the adventure. If you have older children they can even step in if they are old enough to give you some time to spend alone. You get just a bit of freedom back with time to maintain an adult life and no it’s not just that easy but we all know how having a child works. Before you know it you are back to Friday night dinners out and meeting up with friends for a glass of wine. You’re thinking about your child but you’re not worried because it’s your time and whoever is taking over, is excellent with small children.

                Now let’s venture into autism. Your child is hitting a comfortable age to get away but for some reason you can’t, they aren’t comfortable. Your child isn’t taking to the grandparents like expected and taking your child anywhere you want to go is not happening. Just getting your child in and out of the house is a painful challenge. Your child has habits that are complicated and you can’t just hand them over to anyone and head for your freedom. Your child wanders the point you are afraid if someone drops there guard for only seconds there is potential danger. You know this because it has happened to you. You might have tried to leave your child with someone for a short time and it didn’t go well. That little one who is supposed to stop crying over mom leaving, didn’t stop crying by the front door until you returned. There are the smallest details that have to be followed to keep an ease right down to the pattern you remove thier clothes. An example of that would be having to remind my daughter the other day, one arm out and then the other. Trying to remove his shirt straight up over his head with the old arms up routine will send things into frenzy.  Your child isn’t speaking or asking for things and nearly all of your communication is based on body language, an art by the way that is created with daily interaction. Not something you could possibly explain or write instructions for. Super Nanny herself would be left in the corner looking like she was rolled by a gang of baboons trying to manage your child’s day.

                Couples who take this unexpected challenge and unite may get some freedom but one can guess that freedom is rarely spent together because one of them has to stay behind. There is no one else who understands just yet. Couples who divide might have one person who desires the freedom they expected from the start and when it didn’t come, they went after it. When this happens it is not always a bad thing for the child. When my son was first diagnosed a women with three autistic sons said to me, “you absolutely have to be on the same page, no matter what”. Those words couldn’t be further from the truth and it is a huge challenge for everyone involved. If your united your awesome and those who are pushing on alone because you grasped the unexpected challenge with grace…equally awesome! Neither of the two is easy in any way.