The dreaded tolerance test.

              Well today what’s on my mind is our approaching intake visit at the autism center we have been waiting for since our move. When we moved the center had just applied for state backing so any new cases had to be turned away until all the details of the change from private to state where finalized. It’s taken over three months so I was getting a little worried but we also do ok at home.  I know many kids the wait would be vital but we have never had the service to begin with and I am very blessed to be able to work with him at home. On that note I can’t teach all he needs to learn so we need this service no matter what.

                Last night my mind started moving and some things started to haunt me a bit after our experience in Montana. The email I received from the center triggered my worry just a bit because it said his appt would be from 10am to 1pm and I would only be needed the first 45 min. Your might be thinking, ok now you need let go a bit, and there some truth to that but it’s not the letting go that concerns me. I should be thrilled that I will get two hours to run free while my child is receiving therapy but I am not. Not yet anyway and hopefully soon after he begins I will feel that way.

                The experience we have had with therapies has gone just like this. Take him in, talk for a bit, try to quickly explain my very complicated to child to a stranger, and feel at ease we have help. Then the part of the therapy procedure begins and each time the very first thing they would do is test his tolerance level. This completely baffles me and has never made sense to me at all. Here you have a child who is shy of strangers, has a strict routine, and it very sensitive to change. He is already in a new atmosphere with new people trying to take in what is going on around him without becoming overwhelmed. Then the therapist decides it’s a good time to see how mad he gets when pushed? Not considering that autism is going to relate a first encounter with the feeling that comes with it. Meaning and maybe it’s just my son although I don’t think it is, he has just taken in your face and associated it with frustration. Not just a face but everything around him right down to the parking lot. The tolerance test is a form of sabotage to me because for one, it’s not necessary, and for two my child forgets nothing. I have been told this tactic is necessary and have argued it but in the end that necessary tactic has caused regression and fear. The therapist who shut the door on us and locked me out caused a problem at home for months. I could not shut a door with Phillip on the other side without him panicking. My son literally ran past me and out of the building when the door finally opened that day. The supervisor explained to me the procedure and testing his tolerance was part of it but that encounter tested my tolerance as well. To them he was a little boy who just wanted to leave but to me he was a little boy who wasn’t coming back.

                Phillip keeps a rolodex of life and I will give you an example. We have been to Grocery Outlet twice in 3 months. The first time I gave him a snack off the shelf and by some miracle he liked it and I got him to sit in the cart for maybe the second time since he could walk without a fight. Our first visit was over month ago and our second was a couple days ago. He went directly to the place we found that snack on the shelf and wanted to sit in the cart to eat it. He associated the store with a repeat of our last visit immediately. It took me a long time to see this about him but the first encounter with new places or faces determines his future actions and comfort level. He simply does not forget one single thing and I know this from watching carefully. Target is out of the question because our first trip to Target was a nightmare therefore every trip to Target is a nightmare. No triggers, he has just associated the atmosphere with the action and that’s it. I can’t do anything to change it at this point so we don’t go to Target. The moment we walk in the door his mind goes directly back to the first encounter.

                A success is a big deal when it comes to first encounters for him because he won’t forget. He will 99% of time repeat. I can only hope and won’t know until the day comes, his first encounter doesn’t involve the tolerance test. I can hope when I speak they will listen and take my word on what will cause a problem. I think many times some of the therapists don’t give a parent the credit they deserve and have to see for themselves. Not good for the autistic mind because I don’t think they forget one single thing and that can be a trigger itself. This photographic memory could be a big part in why so many parents are forced to home school or why some therapists just can’t get through. The atmosphere is very much related to association and that can trigger positive reaction or negative. Either way there will be a reaction and positive is what opens the door to the progress we like to see. For the love of God, “testing” anyone’s tolerance is not a good idea, just listen to the parents because they know there child better than anyone.