Thank You Autism Unlocked!

http://www.autismunlocked.com/

               Today was and is the launch date for the Autism Unlocked Talk to Learn Program. I have written about this program in the past and have been patiently waiting for it to begin. This morning Phillip and I sat down to give it a try and I can tell you in just a few min he was responding to it. He isn’t able to type so I did that for him but he responded in a communication way that was fantastic. He enjoyed the music and was dancing every time it came on.  He was also laughing when he responded correctly because he knew the music was next. I could see this motivated him to respond the second time we began.

                This program has a small fee of 30 dollars a year for a parent use and a bit more to use utilize both at home and school in correlation with a teacher. It was very easy to get started and within a couple of minutes we were already using the program. I also noticed with Talk to Learn it could easily help any child with spelling simply from the repetitive sight of the words. So don’t be too quick to think this is just an autism based program.

                It is very hard for my son to hold his attention span for very long and I love the fact for 30 dollars we are in for a year. Today he spent a short time on it but if we continue to use it every day and it becomes part of his routine, possibly a few times a day, he will stay put for a bit longer each time. There is a time limit on a response which I also really like because we can move on quickly and that will also help to keep him engaged in the task on hand. Boredom causes him to pull back and find something better to do and most programs we have tried created boredom immediately. Talk to Learn did not give him room for boredom. He was making huge efforts to repeat the words and did in fact say the word school. A new word for us to hear from him!

                Bottom line and my opinion for what it is worth this program is great! Everything with my son’s autism takes time and patience. I don’t have to buy an Ipad to give him an option to make progress. We now have a year to utilize this for what would cost me in a month to keep an Ipad in service. I am a thrifty mom and I also do not like technology much so having an option that is affordable and easy is a blessing.  The link for this program is above and I really encourage everyone to give it a try. If you do, make sure to let the creator know your experience as he has worked very hard on this to help autism move forward. This man could have easily put a high price on the program but I don’t believe his goal is to make a killing off of a big demand for resources. It’s flat out just to fill a desire he could see was needed.

                Thank You Autism Unlocked and my son thanks you to!

 

Cure For Autism? Nah...We love him just the way he is.

                Is Autism a curse or flaw? Well according to some media our there it could be considered that. Does it need to be cured? Also according to some media it does. I have read the wildest theories that have gone as far as a biblical curse attached to a father's sins. To me this is all crap for lack of a better word. There is so much of it you find yourself feeling like you’re covered in it and you need to wash it off so your mind can get back to a clean healthy way of thinking.

                In this entire bad media, that even some parents of autism are pushing, I always wonder what this is doing to children and adults who have the difference. I know when I come across articles about ADD that push it as a difference that needs medical attention such as drugs, I feel a bit sad. If we go on all the hype attached,  we as a society are trying to medicate or treat everyone into a state of conformity so the greater population is comfortable with our being.

                Doc says take this prescription and see if it helps. If that doesn’t do it we will try something else. Your brain chemistry is too different for others to understand so let’s mix it up a bit and see if we can adjust you. I have had ADD as far back as I can remember and I have learned it runs in my family. When I think back do I wish someone would have treated me for it? No, my only wish is that there was an understanding I needed a different approach. One that helped me to understand myself so I wouldn’t feel like I was defective when I did something that didn’t make sense.  Now that I am older I tend to be grateful for some of the chaos that has made life interesting. I wouldn’t change it in any way. We need to understand difference is not a defect and many adults and children accept they way they are. Maybe one day society in general will follow suit and stop spreading information that causes someone who has autism to feel they aren't OK. Not all people with autism are nonverbal and they do have an opinion on how they feel about themselves. Much like nonverbal who just can't share how they feel directly. Hard to believe but some autistics love being autistic! It's who and how they are and we need to allow them to feel that way because there is no reason not to. There are parents who completely accepting of autism another fact that may be hard to believe but yes, it is embraced all the time;)

                If someone knocked on my door right now and offered me a “cure” for my son’s autism, I would escort them off this mountain in a not so pleasant way. I don’t for one second see my son as flawed or diseased. I also don’t, in any way, feel that he needs to conform to make the greater population comfortable. The looks he may get for being active so to speak are not because he is autistic. It’s because people in general don’t accept what they don’t understand. Those raised eyebrows we get are because of what they see about him but I have no doubt those people have some issues that would raise an eyebrow or two if they had to wear their own differences on the outside for all to see.

                If was asked what caused autism in my son, according to all the information out there, my answer would be…I am old, dad is old, we cut the umbilical cord to fast, we are mutants, the government is after my child, I had gestational diabetes, and dad is a sinner. Or I could answer the way I actually see it.

                Who cares! What I am actually thinking about is how to cause progress and an amazing life for him. He wears his difference on the outside when he gets excited or is trying to process. The rest of us are just pushing our differences down inside so no one can see them.  Which one sounds like a healthier way to live to you?

"Off with an unrealistic sense of optimism" The Lorax

                  Could it be happiness really is just a state of mind so many people don’t understand is an easy place to get to? Ok, maybe not easy but easier than it seems. Yesterday was a day I was dreading in every way. A long drive to a busy place to school clothes shop and manage an autistic 3 year old in thick crowds of unfriendly people. When I woke up in the morning I made a firm decision I was going to have fun no matter what came at us for the day. To make a long story short, that is exactly how the day went. All three kids were extremely well behaved. There was laughing and very few battles over clothes and when we arrived home at nearly 11pm we all felt like we had a great day.

                Only once did an unfriendly bystander seem to disagree with the behavior of Phillip and to be honest she made me laugh. He was running and making noise and the look on her face had to be painful her one eyebrow was lifted so high in her forehead. Actually it was a bit impressive the face she was making. It never broke even when I smiled at her and her ability to speak with her face was one like no other I have seen before.

                I have faced some grueling struggles in this life and some I could say I wasn’t sure I would survive. At one point in my life I really didn’t see any purpose to my being whatsoever. I had allowed people to hurt me in so many cruel ways I nearly lost any sense of my own worth. This happened over and over again and in my head I just couldn’t understand it. I had wondered if it was just life coming at me for whatever reason. Not so…it was me having no understanding that I had much more control than I knew. Maybe life was going to throw some mud in my face from time to time but I had the ability to control how it affected me and my reaction to everything. I could either sit around feeling sorry for myself or I could battle back and decide if this is what is going to happen, than this is what I am going to do about it and feel confident in my reaction.

                I suppose when my son was diagnosed with autism it didn’t feel like the end of the world for me because I had already been to the end of the world a few times and this was just no comparison. Was it difficult and completely overwhelming? Yes of course it was. He is my son and a life struggle from the start was not what I wanted for him ever. At the same time if I looked at the diagnosis as the end of the world I knew that is exactly what it would be. If I dwelled on the negatives so would he and that option was just not ok with me.

                Yesterday when I woke up with the state of mind it was going to be a great day it was basically a warning to any negatives that came our way. I am ready and the day is ours, no negatives allowed. Choosing to have that attitude was the first step to making it happen. I believe that is a contagious feeling to those you are closest to. No we can’t have total control, but we do always have more than we think we do. Once you fine tune that ability the surprises start rolling in. Struggles will always come but everyone has the ability to decide push on with their very own customized reaction. The world around you can’t dictate that and considering we have our own customized case of autism around here, I think one important lesson any kind of social therapy can’t offer him is the strength in reaction to difficult times. The guidelines to this are in example and feeling the affect and in no way is that limited to my son but every person or child we are blessed to have in life.

                My favorite line from the Lorax movie… “I was off with an unrealistic sense of optimism!”

Warning Label! Abilites! Do not Ignore....

               Yesterday was a day of reflection for me. We have plans to move and I have begun to clean out things we don’t need. Along with that comes discovering things you have. My daughter kept me company while I sifted through boxes full of random stuff and my little man played contently in the dirt, without eating it for once.

                Books, pictures, drawings from my older kids when they were little, and lots of memories came flowing back. Some things carried a memory with it but at 35 years old there was no chance I would recall what the memory was. Or we would find something that gave me a small glimpse like a beach would come to mind and an hour later I would remember a family trip the item came from. Thank God for that hour later or it may have driven me crazy trying to recall.

                In the bottom of one box I found a couple of old cassette tapes from very early on in my childhood. My grandmother on my dad’s side would read books and tell stories. She would record herself and send it in the mail. My grandmother was a very powerful source in my life and passed when I was a teenager, a selfish teenager who never took the time to let her know how she impacted my life. I still remember her like it was yesterday. Her kind lap to sit on and listen to stories she had memorized from books and the enthusiasm she would have when she told those stories that would not allow my mind to wander away from the places her stories took me.  To me she had super powers for being able to hold onto my mind the way she did and even though she was stern and didn’t take any guff, she had a nature that made a child feel safe and home. Even if it was just a visit with her I always felt like she gave me a gateway to a world inside books. She encouraged me to write and write a lot and never stop using my imagination. Until my teenage years hit that is exactly what I did because she had shown me it was a way to slow my mind down.

                 I don’t think my grandmother ever knew how she affected me this way. Even when I come across an old book that may be worth holding onto, I have a rule of thumb. If grandma would have encouraged me to read it, it’s worth keeping. She never knew my mind was always running circles and if she would have it wouldn’t have mattered to her. She would have treated me the same way with no excuses.

                I put one of those tapes in my cassette player, and yes I still have one, and there she was. Her enthusiasm and storytelling came right back to me years later. The smile on my face was literally because it was as easy as hearing her voice again to take me back 25 years or more and feel that encouragement all over again. At the same time I looked at my autistic son whose mind is much busier than mine ever was and remembered an important lesson grandma didn’t know she taught me. Every child has unstoppable abilities no matter what obstacles are in the way. They just need a cozy lap to sit on and a quiet voice to help them pull it out and use it. No matter what the world has labeled us with, the ability should never be overlooked.

                What if we lived in a world we didn't label what is considered a flaw and only had labels that gave everyone a warning as to what we are capable of?

The Nasty Side of Autism...Hitting a Brick Wall.

               The nasty side of autism debate...and yes there is a nasty side that has nothing to do with the difference itself. It’s the debate at large that is a powerful force of anger, debate, and divides people from all corners of the world. People take aim at each other for cure, cause, and methods of treatment. It’s an endless attack on each other and can get pretty dang childish to the point of name calling and blasting each other over the internet for all to see.

                Here is the problem aside from the clear banter people are throwing back and forth at each other.  I personally loose all respect for people who are participating in this ridiculousness. I do understand it’s defending a loved one with a belief a person feels strongly about but there is still autism. Always has been and always will be.

                There are children in need of an education that suits autism and environments outside of home they can engage in without full on sensory overload. There are caregivers and educators in need of training and understanding. There are unaware people who could use some understanding of the difference. There are adults who have lived and are living with autism their whole life. Some of those adults didn’t even know they had a form of autism until they were an adult and faced some huge struggles in life trying to adjust for society. There are doctors who are trying to understand and therapists who are working to do the same.  There are parents who are caught in the middle of endless debate while trying to manage the difference at home.  They are desperately seeking advice and support from other parents. Keep in mind parents have to seek support from strangers they have never met and probably never will but I can see from support groups this is an outlet most are grateful for.

                Why are people seeking strangers for support? Because they can’t find it anywhere else. Why are autistic adults reaching out to help? Because they want to help the future of autism to be understood. I assume they have faced a lifetime of being misunderstood and want to ease life for others.

                The nasty side of autism is so negative there is no progress to be made. No matter what an opinion is or how much people banter back and forth adults and children still need resources to move forward with the difference. Argue about cause and cure until you are blue in the face but if your argument ever ends, autism is still waiting. Not waiting to hear how to be changed or what they could have been but waiting society to create options and acceptance. Waiting to read or hear the word autism and feel proud of the difference. Even if they are nonverbal they want to feel good about who they are and what life has given them. Autism should never be a negative word nor have such negative media attached to it. It should be respected as every difference on earth because we all have one, labeled or not.

                Positive interaction for a common cause…not negative interaction over something no one has an answer to. That is comparable to two people with two opinions running full speed into a brick wall. Both are going to get knocked right on their backside wondering why they couldn’t knock the wall down. Autism is standing on the other side and they didn’t even feel the impact.

Powers Out....Thank God.

                We are way too plugged in and yes I am sitting at my laptop getting ready to make a technology speech. Our power went out last night for a few hours and at first I felt a little frustrated with the situation. Then it just got so quiet and real I started to enjoy it a bit. All three of my kids where sitting in the living room with me and nothing to do but talk and laugh. No TV, computer, phone etc…just each other and some not so great flash lights. After a while I started think I should flip the main breaker every once in a while just to clear the chaotic technology smog we are all living in and bring us all together with nothing to do but entertain each other.

                Have we become a society so reliant on technology we have forgotten how to rely on each other? Have we given technology so much power to educate, that people are forgetting how to do it themselves. We have smart phones, smart cars, smart this and smart that but what the world is running out of smart people. Kids would rather text than talk and our cars tell us what to do. Don’t get me wrong if it wasn’t for technology I wouldn’t be able to blast my babble to whole free world but when is the time to step back and get our humanity back.

                Man is so hell bent on advancing that sometimes it seems we have advanced ourselves into giving our advancements total control over us. Along the way humanity is being drained out of our society along with the ability to think. What can we expect when we leave all of our thinking up to technology which has no feeling or empathy. Soon we become more like it and forget how to be human ourselves. A scary thought when you really sit back and think about it. Trust me…I do this a lot.

                I pads are in big demand for people with autism and it really is changing lives for some who could never and may never speak. My son has the ability to speak and will with time. I thank God for that and with patience it will come. Do I want an I pad for him? Sometimes I do in all honesty but other times I am reluctant to allow him to be so attached to technology he isn’t able to learn humanity and empathy. I will use technology to help him no doubt about that but I don’t want to see any of my children become so reliant on it they forget what being human consists of. Something you can never find on the internet, get from a smart phone, find in an Xbox, or download. Empathy, care, communication, and the ability to think. 

                At the end of the day I think we all need to push through a power outage from time to time or just go flip and main breaker and remember what it is like to need each other. Take the time to just shut it all off and focus on each other. After spending a few hours in the dark with three awesome kids and a couple of barely working flashlights...I could go for a power outage at least once a week! Or more;)

Bullying Will Never End...Reaction is Action!

                 School is beginning for everyone and it’s a hustle for those are getting ready. School supplies, clothes, schedules, and stress in many cases. Lots to do and lots to think about for parents and kids. One of the things parents with an autistic child have to worry about is bullies, and this is not just something a parent of autism thinks about. With all the end bullying campaigns and public awareness on how to deal with it, it is still very real and never ending. There will always be the nature of the beast in school or the adult world.

                We see so much on YouTube, facebook, and the news on a daily basis about someone being treated horribly. More often than not it’s on video because someone felt it was a better idea to record than step in and help. I can’t say back before all this technology is was any better but it does seem like it has just gotten worse as far as empathy for others in this crazy world. Younger generations are failing to relate to each other on a human level and seem to find more entertainment in watching others being hurt than they do helping someone. There is fear in standing up against a group of bullies and sometimes ignoring it is a survival instinct. An understandable survival instinct but we have to teach our kids it’s not just about survival.

                It’s about living and living right. The impact we can have on one person just by stepping up and giving them a little more strength when they are already being broken is huge. Bullies typically work in strength by numbers there is no reason why anyone should have to tolerate it standing alone. One life can be touched in an amazing way just by feeling what they might be feeling and letting them know the numbers can work in their favor to. Standing up for someone doesn’t always have to be a verbal act or taking on a crowd in the name of kindness. It can be a simple act of sitting next to someone or sparking up a conversation to distract the situation. Trying to set some of kind of example as a human being that others can see and one day learn from.  Teaching our kids one day the social rankings that apply in school end when life begins and acts of kindness can actually be carried with you all through life. With an impact that will last long after their school years are over.

                This doesn’t just apply to autism because we all know the social challenges kids with autism face on a daily basis, this applies to every person on the planet. If you don’t know how to talk to your kids about bullies have them read this before the school year begins and remind them popularity ends and humanity continues on. It’s a choice to be kind and leave a mark in someones life they won’t forget or even just help them feel people care simply because they can. Bullying will never end and it’s a reality for all kids and adults. We can’t control that but we can control how we react. Reaction is a powerful way to take action and it may be a risk but a risk to be proud of.

A Lesson Learned From A Stranger...An Adorable Stranger.

                The things you don’t see coming are my favorite moments in life by far. Today Phillip and I went to a nearby town to do some work and then to the local fountain at the park to play. Perfect set up for him as there is a fence built around it so no running, or running to far anyway. He hasn’t had a chance to play here and I wanted to see how he would like it. There was a party getting ready to begin for a 4 year old and no one had shown up yet so only a couple kids so far. Looked to me to be an older couple who had adopted some kids with differences and I liked that simply because if Phillip did something a bit different there would be total understanding from them.

                Phillip ran and played and loved the fountain more than I expected him to. Two kids were playing with him or around him. One little boy who was maybe 4 or 5 was very friendly and took to me like he had known me all his life. An adorable little guy and clearly was just born with a good nature to him. He tried desperately to get Phillips attention over and over but the water wouldn’t allow him to break free of his focus. The little boy was getting a bit frustrated with the situation and finally came over and sat down next to me.

                He said to me, “why won’t he listen to me?” I told him it is hard to get his attention sometimes. He swung his little legs and was thinking for a moment and asked “why doesn’t he talk?” I said “He hasn’t figured it out just yet, but he will.” Again he swung his legs deep in thought and watching Phillip run and scream in excitement but ignoring most of the other kids who began to show up. Then the next question came “is there something wrong with him?” and again I responded “no, he just sees the world a little different then you and I do. It’s called autism.” Again he sat swinging his little legs deep in thought or maybe at this point he had run out of questions to ask. Quickly he got is energy back to run in the water again and asked me if I would hold his glasses so they don’t get wet. I smiled and told him to just set them next to me and I would keep them safe.

                This is the moment he took off his very thick glasses and I could see his eyes were severely crossed without them. Off he ran to play and gave up trying to get Phillips attention.  Lesson of the day….no matter what the difference is that we all have, there may be a way to relate one way or another. Our differences aren't always noticeable and we may not understand each other but we just have to sit down, swing our legs, and ask some questions.

               

ADD and SPD Helping Each Other.

                Can one disorder help another? Yes in my opinion and experience it certainly can. I have had ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) as long as I can remember undiagnosed and disorder really would be the correct way of describing it. Constant disorder and it took nearly 35 years to acknowledge it. Of course I didn’t begin that process until not too long ago and so much of my life has been consumed with chaos, quick decisions, not getting things done, and on the positive side, adventure. I had just accepted I would always be this way. A way that made teachers repeat the same comment to me over and over. You lack focus is what I was always told. You’re not trying hard enough was a constant as well but my response in my mind was always “maybe you’re not teaching good enough” because the teachers that understood my lack of focus never lost my attention. No matter what I was always judged and never understood.

                When SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder or Autism) came into my life I had to adjust in several ways and keep up my son in ways I never imagined. My dad and I giggled on the phone the other day about how I have had to adjust from my difference to his. Of all the things God has thrown at me and I have looked up to the sky and said “I sure hope you know what you are doing” this was certainly one of them. Just hearing the words schedule, organize, plan ahead, and repeat made my head want to explode and convinced me God really does have a sense of humor to throw this challenge at me.

 I require no order whatsoever and my son requires order 100% of the time. I have spent my entire life not knowing what will happen next and to be honest I enjoy that. Not an option with SPD, what will happen next is very important for him to feel at ease. I have almost zero planning skills or so I thought and now I find myself on edge if a plan is not in effect.

All kids require a certain amount of all of these things but with SPD it can seem a bit extreme. Maybe extreme to one person but creating a balance for another person. In the beginning I was very overwhelmed and worried I would not be able to do for him what needed to be done. It seemed like so much of what I was not made of and how would I ever be able to get my mind in the order it needed to be in for him. Well, slowly it just started to evolve in a positive way because I had no choice. If I didn’t find a way I would never be able to understand him. On the other hand my ADD has given his SPD benefit to. I know it’s ok to push some limits and step outside the box and that he will need to learn that in life. Adventure is to important to run away from and I want him to be able to embrace it even if it requires some change and disorder.

Could it be in a world full of medications, interventions and judgments two differences that are complete opposite of each other also are an answer to strengthen each other? In the case of my son and me the answer is yes in so many ways. Two labels considered a flaw in society that actually needed each other to create a balance. Now there is something to really think about!

               

The Most Important Early Intervention!

                Sometimes I am asked how I have been able to handle my son having autism so well, and to be honest I have wondered that myself at times. The truth is the day of and after his diagnosis that was not the case.  I was a mess in every way. Crying and scared for him, but through my tears I saw a little boy who was not crying. He didn’t care If he had autism or not and he was waiting for me to feel the same way he did. Thank God I realized this as quickly as I did and it didn’t take long for me to snap out of my sadness. I had already learned so much from him I needed to pay attention to his complete acceptance of himself. Yes, he is only a toddler so how would he understand right? To me that was the beauty of it. Born this way and so far he is completely accepting of that. As his mom I knew it was my job to do whatever I could to keep him feeling that way.

                I have a general rule in life and I have had to use it many times. Have a good cry and get it out, then take a deep breath, gather your thoughts and move forward. After all it’s really the only choice you have and how you choose to do it will determine just how your spirit will feel while you’re leaving whatever struggle just hit behind. Or in the case of autism, moving forward with it being a daily part of our life.

                One thing you will always read or hear about with autism is early intervention. Take action right away and that will create the greatest outcome. I think one statement everyone in the autism community agrees on completely. For me that wasn’t just about therapies and what you would consider your typical intervention. It began with that first step in my own mind to take a deep breath and move forward in a completely accepting way. I would even go as far as saying this was the first and most important early intervention I could give him. Not only would that show the people closest to him to do the same but I just didn’t see a way to move forward without doing that.

                Doing that one small thing would not only set the bar for how he feels about himself but for every source of intervention that was to come his way from that point on. His first therapy appointments I heard a lot of, autistic kids don’t do that. Let’s work on this and that so he can learn to be more socially adjusted. I am not autistic but the two words socially adjusted have always made me giggle. What comes to mind is, when you’re done with him can you help me and hundreds of other people I can think of?

                I was his first early intervention and fixing his autism was not how we would be moving forward. Finding what his autism can bring to his life and building on that was and is what we will be doing. As far as socially adjusted goes we will work on that to but I don’t see either one of us receiving our etiquette diploma anytime soon.  Being a little socially different is not a curse but if you really take a good look at society in general I would consider this a gift. One I have been grateful to have most of my life and if I do things right he will grow up to feel the same way.

Little Boy First....Autism Second.

                  I was watching a short video of Temple Grandin this morning. An interview of her concerns for autism, being autistic and just flat out a force that commands respect, her opinion is one to listen to. There is always one thing about watching this woman that grabs my ears. When she talks about her mom’s role in her life she always addresses her as mother and says it in a way we should all know who she is. Not my mother or mom but just mother in the present. I see that as a huge insight to the role her mother played to getting her where she is today and how much she respects that.

                One of the things I see with autism is the confusion and a lost feeling for parents on how to deal with everyday situations that may come up. Once you have a diagnosis and a plan you still have to be the one person who provides the greatest source of guidance. No matter how many people you reach out to for advice or ideas, you know your child is unique to their own form of autism and after all is said and done you have to be the one unique form of guidance they have.

                It’s easy to blame autism for some behaviors or frustrating issues because the fact is autism causes a lot of them. The blame can’t turn into excuse it won’t do a child any favors later on down the road. Yes, there are many things that you just have to work around because autism leaves you no choice but as the same time showing a child the way is very important as you would with any child. It’s my feeling a child with a side of autism has abilities the world needs and needs it in a bad way. If the focus is too much on the autism and not the unique individual could we blur who our children could become? Maybe.

                There is a lot to be said about old school parenting and I am not talking the wooden spoon ways of the old order or sometimes the present order. I am talking about the do not feed a behavior you want to stop. It is clear Temple's mother did not let autism define who she would become. It is a part of her? Yes of course and thank God the autisitic community has her but she clearly sees autism as something did not prevent her from becoming completely awesome. It helped her individuality and focus because her mother guided her that way.

                My son used to and still does sometimes have a very hard time coming from the car to the house. It is a challenge each and every time. The outdoors catches his mind and boy does it hang on. So the transition is a hard one. When we first began with the Autism planner in our area they gave us a spec ed clock with a red zone. When the red is gone it’s time to move on and I am sure an effective approach for a lot of kids but for my son I didn’t see this as affective tactic. Even with the transition meltdown I knew he was still a boy and a boy wants to play in the dirt. I don’t use that silly clock, never have. I do give him time to check things out then I tell him it’s time to go in. Sometimes we go straight to the bath and he forgets what he just left behind. Other times he just has to protest and I walk away. I can say his protest over time, and I mean months, has gotten weaker and short lived. We deal with this transition every single day.  It has become routine for him to know I am not going to respond and he is still just a boy who happens to have autism. His focus on the tantrum is nearly unbreakable but he is slowly learning what the routine is and it has taken extreme patience.

                Another good example, he likes to eat dirt. He likes the feeling in his mouth for one reason or another and I assume the sensory difference has a lot to do with it. At same time If knows I am watching he won’t do it. Like I said before he is autistic he is still a boy. Every person who has autism is a person first with some autism to keep us guessing. I don’t know the answers but for my son I do believe I have to raise him to focus on who he is before he gets to focused on the autism and blurs his capabilities. That being said it doesn't mean we don't adjust because we do alot of that but his job is to be a little boy first and hopefully one day use that side of autism to do great things.

Wake Up Your Kindess...It's a Powerful force!

                 Today I am sharing a lesson about human kindness and how easily we can distribute it if we want to. My older kids who are not autistic experienced a loss on their dad’s side of the family a couple years ago. A Great Uncle who passed away from cancer.  A Very difficult thing to understand, especially at such a young age. They didn’t know him well but I think when you are so young that can make it even harder to grasp. The family is very close and he was an excellent member of the community in general. If you knew this man you knew the world would never be same without him in it. Although his legacy of kindness would never go away and through his rough exterior helping people came very naturally to him.

                The family had some brightly colored shirts made that said Cancer Sucks on the front. Short and sweet sending a simple statement about how it felt to lose a loved one. My son came home with one of these shirts and wore it to school. A teacher informed him it was offensive and asked him to either take it off or turn it inside out. My son refused and I am sure the teacher considered him to be a defiant punk for not doing as he was told that day. I can say pretty honestly that could be a genetic trait on both sides that also requires an understanding. I patiently waited for the school to call and have me come in to discuss the issue all the while wishing I had an extra Cancer Sucks t-shirt to wear to the meeting. I don’t condone my children being defiant but in this case, I saw it as something that meant the world to him and that mattered to me because I know all too well it’s ok to question authority from time to time. The school never called of course, it wasn’t as offensive as some things I could point out in a building full of teenagers.

                I did tell my son he should do something more active when it comes to Cancer awareness and learn more about how it affects people’s lives. I offered to take him over to the children’s hospital and meet some families affected which I think was a bit of a scary thought to him at the time. At the same time the Relay for Life fundraiser started at the school. My son loves his money! So much so he doesn’t like to put it in the bank because it’s out of site. But one day I noticed his change jar he had been saving for months was empty. I asked him about it and he had decided to donate it all to the cause. You can imagine the smile I had on my face because not only did he stand up for what he believed he did something to make an impact. He may not have known exactly how much money was in there as it was a fair amount for a young kid, but he didn’t care. Soon that defiant kid who refused to turn his shirt inside out was getting smiles and Atta boys from the authority figures at school.

                Moral of the story, it is just that easy to do something. Even if what matters to you means you have to stand up to people who truly don’t understand how you feel. My son took a risk that day by refusing to listen. He could have gotten in trouble at school and at home because he didn’t know how I would feel about his stance. Typically if he gets in trouble at school he is in trouble at home.

                There are so many lessons that can be learned from the kindness of children we just forget as we get older and get wrapped up in the world. Everyone is born kind but time seems to put it to sleep. Wake up your kindness and give it some exercise!  Stand up for what matters to you and it doesn’t directly have to affect you. The money donated by my son in no way was a benefit to him. He gave it up and never saw it again and has no idea who or how it helped anyone. It doesn’t matter either because he just wanted to do something, and he did. Make a difference and it doesn’t have to be money to do it. Kindness alone is more powerful then we give it credit for.

6-Year-Old Autistic Kid Rocks "Piano Man"

To awesome not to share! Remember this little man is only 6 and his enthusiasm is fantastic! Interesting fine motor skills for autism is said to be a struggle....I see no fine motor skills struggle here. Little inspiration to lift up a Monday morning thanks to this amazing little guy!

If Only We Could Diagnose Ignorance!

                 I pay attention to all of the info that pops up on facebook regarding autism. All of the networks post information and stories all day long, including me. Some of it I look at and don’t take it too seriously if I don’t agree and some of it actually makes me a bit ill to know so many people are reading it and taking it to heart.

                Yesterday I came across a post from a facebook page called Reversing Autism and really I am not too fond of the title alone. For the first time I was actually completely offended by a post and had a very hard time holding back a response. The post was a shabby chart with statistics on the rise of autism. I believe it was the state of Texas and showed the rise from the year 2000 to now. Yes the chart showed a huge difference and how quickly the numbers had gone up but the chart was not what offended me. It was this statement above the chart that made me want to respond with a few choice and not so classy words. “This is such an epidemic and the news don’t even mention it!! With these numbers the WHOLE COUNTRY SHOULD BE PANICKING!!!”

                I actually had to read that a couple times to make sure I was reading it correctly. Does this person realize the message they are sending all across facebook to people regarding autism? Do they realize there are autistic adults and teens that see that and wonder why the way they are is a reason for our country to panic?

                This is how that statement translated to me as a mother of a child who has autism gifts.  A woman comes into my home and says she is not going to have kids because she is scared it would end up like mine.  Then I toss her out the front door like rag doll for taking a personal shot at my child.

                Here is what the whole country should be panicking about. Poverty, the disgusting state our economy is in. The fact that we spend more money on prisons then education and it shows. Finding an education plan for a autistic child is extremely hard but I can't say the average American child is getting a decent education either.  A generation of kids being raised not knowing how to communicate because being plugged in is easier. The fact people are more inclined to video tape someone being harmed then to step in and stop madness. Child abuse because children are being treated like unwanted dogs in some homes. Half of our country being on some form of welfare and kids are being raised to believe this is the way to live, because it's easier then doing something with their life.  I could really go on and on about what we should panic about but autism is certainly not one of those things. In fact and maybe I have childish views but I tend to think someone with a form of autism could turn it all around for our country. Sometimes it seems like autism is the only form of logic walking this planet.

               Shame on anyone who creates fear and panic in regard to autism and one more thing comes to mind our country should be panicking about.....ignorance because that is clearly rising faster than any other neurological difference known to man. There is no chart to show us how quickly it has taken hold but if there was a way to have it diagnosed I am more then posative it would blow any other statistic right out of the water.

I

Show No Fear!

                 The system of autism is a tricky thing. Phillip and I follow a system every day and it can come down to the smallest things. When he gets in his car seat I have to take a book out of the pocket in the driver’s seat and place it on his lap. I also have to do this before I buckle him in; if I buckle him first it throws off the system.  Things like this go on all day and the rituals make things easier for him to process. He knows what is coming next and that is important to him.  Not an easy thing for me to adjust to with a mind and better part of my life fighting every system I came across. Repetition was something I could never grasp, until now.

                Many kids choose at young age to have a security object. A blanket, toy, book, or whatever it may be that they keep with them all the time. In this case Phillip finds security in environment and the daily routines of life.  Basically everything around him is his security object and when it changes he is not so at ease or accepting of the change. Maybe at first he will do fine but eventually it takes a tole on him. He may not show it verbally but he might stop eating or not sleep well.  Little clues that he is losing his security. People have told me to carry a familiar item with me to distract him but it is really not so simple. I can carry 1,000 familiar items with me and there are still 1,000 new items around him that I may not be able to distract him from. The new things he sees are typically more powerful than the old stuff he has already fully inspected.

                With a big move for our family coming into play it’s not going to be easy but it’s either stay here and have limited help for his future or move and ensure we have done everything we need to do.  I enjoy change and can adjust easily but the one thing that throws me off is, knowing one of my children may not be at ease. I guess you could say when my kids are anxiety free I am anxiety free, like every parent feels or should feel. 

                The rituals are about to come to a halt and the routine is going to come crashing down to be rebuilt again. Not just for autism but for all of us because when you live with autism those things become just as much part of your life as it does for your child. The thought of this is a little scary and I am going to have to suck it up and be confident in every choice I make, or at least appear to be, because I am his environment. I am just as important to him as that book in his lap and the more I can ease some insecurity for all of them, the better. Even if I may feel like I am drowning in my own insecurities I won’t or can’t show it, in fact I refuse to.  The change is difficult but the choice was not and I am very confident in that in regard to my whole family.

                That is what a parent is supposed to do! When the world seems a bit off or overwhelming a child should be able to walk into a room with mom or dad in it and feel at ease. My parents are visiting and I am no longer a child, but to them I always will be and they still provide that security just by being around for me. We should all be so lucky and be wise enough to pass it on to our own kids. Even if you are a bit afraid as a parent....your children don't need to know;)

Writing This From a Padded Room....

                 It finally hit me the other day, the crash of autism information overload. Nearly to the point I was going to go into my own meltdown and nothing would have helped. I am all for building an understanding and acceptance in fact it’s all I want for autism, along with an education plan that gives them all a fair chance in a school system.

                Advocacy, research, healing, therapies, vaccine propaganda, and If I saw one more baseball hat with a puzzle piece pop up on my computer for ten dollars I was going to throw my own hat in and wash my hands of it all. Well, not autism because that is here for good and I am perfectly comfortable with that. I finally started to realize why people can’t or don’t care to understand autism and it actually made me a bit angry. Not only is it a complicated difference but all the media and networks connected are really just one big mess. Don’t get me wrong they do great things and those things are needed but who is deciding what those things are? Is it people who have lived years with autism because I am confused as to why all these things are going on yet no one can find great resources for their children. Yes, some people are lucky enough to find excellent systems but there are so many who are just left standing in one place.

                Then I see the new line of school supplies Autism Speaks has created to sell through Wal-Mart. Autism Speaks is putting a ton of money into research and they are a huge system working for autism. I had to wonder what profit Wal-Mart gets from that deal. It’s a major corporation and they don’t do anything out of the kindness of their hearts, so there has to be a substantial profit or large market for what they sell. When did autism become a commodity and who decides school supplies is going to help families? I know there is more to it then what we see but how ironic the worst place to take my autistic child is the one chosen to distribute such a silly product. Even if I needed school supplies and at this point I am not sure, wait I am positive, the school system where I live is not set up for educating an autistic child the healthiest way possible. The irony all around is just too much for a parent and I know I am not the only one who feels this way.

Today I spent in recovery from the wave of autism chaos most of America is wrapped up in. One of the things that helped me get back on track was a young man at the grocery store yesterday. He was the box boy and was playing a bit with Phillip. I could see he was excellent with kids just by the way he interacted with him even if Phillip didn’t react like most kids would. He carried my groceries out the van and we chatted a bit. I explained to him that it is hard for a stranger to get a smile out of Phillip and it was a good thing to see. He asked me why he was so shy and I told him he was autistic. This is the part you feel the apologies rushing towards you like you just told them you had a death in your family=0. Rarely is the reaction anything different than apologies and discomfort but at that moment his eyes lit up and he smiled a huge smile towards Phillip. That’s when he said “my brother is also autistic.” He said this with great appreciation for autism and for that I wanted to hug that kid right there in the grocery store parking lot. Glad I didn’t or I might be writing this from a padded room. Hugging the box boy is not a socially acceptable thing to do…but his reaction wasn’t what I would call the social norm either.

So there it is. Buy pencils, hats, a necklace or magnetic bumper sticker for your Minnie van. The only real thing that is going to create understanding and awareness is having your life touched in some way by autism.

We are only as impaired as we see ourselves!

  There are some words I don’t like when it comes to how general information describes autism. Impaired is one because I don’t feel or see that my child is impaired. He is extremely in tune with the world, so much so that he is unable to ignore it. His senses are so powerful that he sees and hears everything around him. As he has gotten older it has been easier for me to understand just how in tune he is and I even use it from time to time. Yesterday we were outside playing and while he was holding leaves up in the air so the light could show him the veins of the leaves I was sitting there trying once again to find a way to get him in the house without protest. Sometimes I use the bath time to manipulate him indoors but I like to find other tactics if it’s possible. I went in the house and put his favorite movie in at a normal volume and went back outside leaving the door wide open. He didn’t have to come right next to the door to hear it, but when he did he ran in to watch it. Amen, I was able to shut the door behind him and find a peaceful transition. That is not what I would call impairment at all because I couldn’t hear it and I was next to the door.

Another word or words I don’t like are birth defect.  I don’t see being born with a mind that doesn’t operate exactly like the general population as a defect at all. The definition of a defect is the general word for any kind of shortcoming or imperfection. If that’s the case we are all walking around with an undocumented case of birth defects. It is odd to me that because autism isn’t understood anyone would call it a defect. That is the society we live in isn’t it? If people don’t understand or are unwilling to understand on a personal level the person who carries the mystery must be the defective one.

            Disorder is another one that I could argue to the end of time. I can say because of the way my son processes information and operates through the day there is nothing disorderly about him. He is the definition of order sometimes because order eases him and if things don’t make sense he will focus as long as it takes to make sense of it, at least the little things. If we take him to a busy and crowded place he will focus on one thing at a time but eventually his desire to find order in everything around him becomes too much to organize in his mind. Yes, that inability to adjust to chaos is a disorder but we all have it to a point, it just doesn’t hit us until we leave and feel exhausted from it.

           Having ADD has given me the pleasure of living in constant disorder but my son’s autism has actually helped me overcome some of that because it forces me to create order. I personally love that his so called disorder has helped to balance my so called disorder. Somewhere in there we find order in each other!

           Whatever label this perfect and orderly society puts on us I can find humor in because if we believe every word we read we all have birth defects, we all have a disorder, and we are only as impaired as we see ourselves.

100% True and Without a Doubt!

There is a serious problem for parents when they have a newly diagnosed case of autism in their home and it works like this. A parent wants to learn everything they can about autism to fill in some of those blanks and there are a lot of them. The Internet is the first place most of us look and we look for support, medical information, diet information, vaccine information, genetics, parenting advice, and help in general.  The problem is this ends up being a tornado of conflicting information and sooner or later a parent feels swept up in all of that, not knowing what is correct and incorrect.

Every one of these organizations is pushing something different and sometimes they are even working against each other. One may say we need a cure, others say we don’t want your cure. You might find one that pushes for a better diet and another that claim vaccines are the cause.   A parent or family member can get totally lost in an overwhelming amount of information coming at you in every direction. This is the point when you actually feel what it might like to be autistic yourself because it’s completely overwhelming and to be honest, can make you feel pretty frustrated with why everyone is so divided on an issue. Especially when there is no known direct and proven information anyone can feel completely confident reading.

Pile all of that on top of having an autistic child who is not like any other because none are the same, a lack of resources, the challenges of figuring out how to parent, and the judgment society places on them and you end up with an epidemic of confusion and struggle.

What is the answer to this? If you are in some way connected to a life with autism the only direct answer you will find is in the person or child who has autism. So yes, read the information and listen to different opinions because knowledge is power even If it’s not 100% correct you are still gaining knowledge on how the world is learning. This helps to know how the greater population is learning as well, and can help to understand why some people feel the way they do. When I encounter someone who has a strong opinion on a possible cause, I know why because I have read it to.

The bottom line for me is no matter how much information I come across the answer is always right in front of me and right now he is inspecting each of his GI Joe's very carefully and tossing them up in the air one at a time laughing. One day he is going to tell me what he sees when is carefully inspecting his toys. He will tell me what is like to be autistic after he tells all about what it is like to be Phillip as an individual. One day he is going to say I love you mom and that will be the most important piece of information I come across through this entire adventure.

I can see it in his eyes and it is 100% true and without a doubt the only thing that matters.

No Autism in the Amish? Lets Think About That....

                 On my facebook page, https://www.facebook.com/ourtriptoparis?ref=hl, I have been posting food awareness and I have many reasons for this. Top reason is knowing what you are putting into your body is extremely important, especially when health care providers do not address this like we need them to when it comes to autism. I am in no way suggesting food causes autism but we don’t know what causes it, so we end up taking our own steps to see what helps or doesn’t help.  The majority of the things I read are based on diet. I feel even if you make a few changes to your daily intake and you don’t see results as far as autism goes, you are still doing your child a huge favor.

                On our adventures with autism I can say there have been many times as a parent I have felt very powerless and if I can find one way to take control and make a huge difference for my family and our health, food is where that begins for me. The steps man has taken to ensure more production as far as food is catastrophic for our health, long term. I used to think people who shouted organic were just angry hippies who doused themselves in too much patchouli and had a case of extreme paranoia. In my ignorance I can admit, I was very wrong.

                A lot of people have the same thought pattern I did and that is thinking it’s not a big deal. Why would things be added to our food supply that will harm us? Produce has to be good for you no matter what.  Whatever they put on or in it must be such a small amount it won’t harm us….right? Wrong, the way I look it is to take a bundle of health food and put it in your blender or whatever way you will eat it. Cut it all up and add those fruits and veggies along with any other ingredient you trust for your daily health. Keep in mind you are going to feed this to your child, if they will eat or drink it. From an autism stand point we are still working on that. Now, imagine someone coming up behind you and giving it a little spray of Round Up or dropping a little mix of steroids and mystery hormones in.  If you actually watched someone put it in your food, would you still serve it to your child? No, because you would never poison your family if you actually watched the process of toxic chemicals being put in or on your food.  Out of sight out of mind is why we have grown into a society that accepts this. The average person can't wrap their mind around toxic chemicals or the genetics of a poison being placed in our food and can harm us. Why would anyone do that and say it's safe? Profit...period. I am not saying these things cause autism but aside from autism there are so many things it could be causing.

                There is a lot of talk about the Amish not having autism and much of that talk goes to the fact they don’t vaccinate. An easy thing to target in the autism community but what I haven’t heard about is the fact the Amish live a very organic lifestyle. They grow their own food and that includes meat that hasn’t been soaked in chemicals for an appealing color.  They grow non GMO food and sell it, which I highly recommend we all start purchasing when we are given the opportunity. The health of our society is unacceptable and if you really pay attention you will see this. Yes, we over consume but we need to consider what we consume also, even what we have been told is healthy is questionable. Personally I think we could all learn a lot from the lifestyle of the Amish and get rid of our out of site out of mind mentality. Maybe these things are out of site and out of mind but they are not proven to be out of our bodies. If you don't believe in the affects change your way of eating to organic and GMO free for one month and you will feel the difference!

Do You Understand Gut Flora and Probiotics?

http://www.pointofreturn.com/probiotics.html

            The link above is an easy to follow read about probiotics and getting your gut flora healthy. My son used to suffer from extreme constipation, to the point a week would go by and his physical discomfort was horrible for him to endure. I was told this is unfortunately an autistic trait but I just couldn't settle for that. Autism is a neurological difference and considering the gut is sometimes called a second brain it seemed to me, this problem had to be affecting his brain and not the other way around. The toxic affects of fecal matter sitting in his body for way to long was to much for me to ignore and just push through the problem.

             They say a probiotic is important after a round of antibiotics because antibiotics will eliminate the good bacteria, the gut flora. My son has never been on an antibiotic and for the most part he is very healthy but what kept weighing on me was what if what he is not digesting properly is causing a toxic effect? I began to give him a daily probiotic called Culterelle and quickly I saw a change. For a month now he has not been constipated one time and because of that he is able to get rid of toxins and hopefully digest nutrients regularly. He focuses better and the hand flapping stopped all together.

             There is a reason I chose this article and it's because it points out one fact most do not. What we consume, meats, milk, eggs, preservatives etc... Antibiotics are in these products along with many other things we shouldn't be consuming daily. It's my belief over time, consuming these things will affect your digestive system and although it's not a immediate affect like a prescription antibiotic, we have to consider the long term effects of the small doses in mass produced food we eat. After all if we know these things harm our system with a large dose all at once, why would we assume small doses over time won't harm us?

             Go organic as much as possible and add a probiotic to your daily routine! I don't know exactly how my son feels because he can't tell me but I can see it's had a positive affect. I now do the same and I can say I feel better then I ever have in my life with this small change.

Grand Prize Parenting Moment...We All Have Them.

              We all have moments as parents we reach for something that works and hang on to it and we feel like we just received our own invisible grand prize trophy on figuring out our child. Moments you won’t find in a how to raise the perfect child handbook or no specialist will tell you to do.  It has nothing to do with a system of steps to take and you’re not going to find it on the Internet. A Parenting moment that by some miracle works for the time being and I can tell you what works today, may not work tomorrow.

 When my son is in tantrum mode he will go into his room and shut the door. Then I find myself wanting to find way to calm him even if I know there is no way. I used to open the door every few minutes and ask him if he was OK and it never worked. He would jump right back into full on tantrum and shut the door. He can’t open doors yet, so coming out on his own isn’t an option and that has prompted me to want the door open for him. The other day I started thinking about my approach and morphed myself into autism. He is already in process breakdown mode and I am, to him, a big person. I open the door towering over him and to top it off I am asking if he OK. A question he can’t answer and I realized just how frustrating that has to be for him. He understands my question but he can’t tell me.

                I tried something new that made me feel like I won the parenting grand prize after I spent some time thinking about the situation. He was in his room again having a tantrum because he couldn’t process coming into the house from the car so quickly. There is so much in between he wants to discover that it is always a problem to make that transition. I waited for what sounded like a calm moment. There is a two inch gap under his bedroom door so I laid down on the hallway floor and said his name very quietly under the door. He also laid down on the floor so we were face to face. His pupils were huge and that told me he was still not completely back from the place that was causing him to be so upset. We laid there and I sang him a song, which happened to be Gotye Somebody That I used to Know, because it grabs his attention for whatever reason. I literally watched his pupils return to a smaller size. Once his pupils returned to normal and he seemed OK I got up and opened the door. This time, he came out and was back to a happy toddler.  If I would have gone into his room he would not have responded to me that way at all and calming him would have taken much longer.  Now when I think back and picture this tactic in my head it makes me laugh because it really is just silly.

                I can picture a professional telling me to lie on the floor and sing a really bad song under the door and it cracks me up but it worked and I am hanging onto it. Even if the tactic is unorthodox and completely silly use it and if can make you laugh, even better. What works today may not work tomorrow and that’s OK because it’s not tomorrow yet.

Being Offended Is a Choice...Choose Wisley.

Pro-gay marriage groups plan Chick-fil-A ’Kiss-In’

 Lets take a look at how silly human nature can be for a second. No matter what your beliefs are or who you want to support, there is one thing ALL of these people on different sides of the fence could be addressing as one united group. The health crisis that is infecting the future generations of our country.
 I find it really interesting everyone is in an uproar about each others beliefs, when it really only affects them if they want it to at the end of the day. It's a choice to be offended by another persons opinion, and having a Kiss-In isn't going to change a persons life long stance.
 Here is what they are all missing in the war with each other.....fast food is bad for everyone. The effects of fast food on our bodies could care less who we are kissing or what our religious views are.
Bottom line, no matter what your views are, I don't want your french fries. If you want to have a Kiss-In, try to consider the protest alone gave this company a record setting income. By choosing to be offended, it actually turned into feeding the source that offended you.
 This land we live in of free speech has turned into the land of free speech as long as what you speak of isn't offensive. Parents of autistic children are bombarded with offensive remarks no matter what. I know every where I go in public someone always has some kind opinion or look of judgment. Comes with the territory of raising a child that operates differently.
 Yesterday my son and I did some shopping and this not a fun outing for me at all. He runs, he has to touch everything and his energy level is very difficult to keep up with. Stopped at a store we rarely go to so I could look for some education products for him. I figured it was a small place so he would be free to touch and I could see what he has the biggest interest in. Hard to find things he stays focused on because once he has soaked it in, he moves on to something else to soak up. So, we spent nearly an hour looking, and 90% of that time was me redirecting and chasing him.
 An older women who worked there told Phillip twice not to run, it was clearly bothering her from the start. Each time she didn't know I was 3 ft away and could hear her. I actually watched to see if he would even react to her because sometimes kids will listen to a new voice...not this little man. He was totally ignoring her. Or actually to focused on what he was doing to process her voice directed at him.
 When we finally established some things that might keep his interest I wrestled him up to the register. The women said to me..." you need to establish some authority" Now, here is the part I could have been offended but I chose not to be. I actually giggled at her observation because she had no idea how much authority I have been able to gain. Still kind of funny to me a day later.
 Moral of the story...she was offended by my parenting and I could have been offended by her opinion. I chose not to be....just that easy.

Completely Real, Completely Complicated, and Completely Awesome!

 

I am part of a group on facebook that offers support for autism and the daily struggles parents go through. It has been very interesting to read all the things autism brings to families both good and bad. Some of the moms have more than one child with autism and some have been living with the difference for years. Others have children that are newly diagnosed and I can tell you there are new members nearly every day. Parents who are reaching out to find people who understand how it affects daily life.

Sometimes it’s comforting to know there are people who completely understand how different your parenting style has to be, and the public ignorance that provokes nastiness at times. How the weight of that can really start to make it hard to lift your feet off the ground every day. I love seeing posts of celebration. It can be as simple as a first word or one of my own posts was my son taking his own shirt off. Little things we wait for and when it comes the feeling is like winning the progress jackpot and we just have to tell someone right away. Others can be a show of emotion or love. We know our children feel it just like you and I, but autism doesn’t always allow them to show it so when they get to break out of it for a moment and it comes through, we celebrate. Regardless of the stigma out there that says autistic kids don't show emotions, parents know better. Our kids are full of emotion and they do show it. The difference is, it's real emotion and not fake like so many people in life have mastered. I tend to think that makes autism a superior difference when it comes to human nature.

Other times my heart breaks for the struggles people face that they really have no control over. In many cases the child is grown and controlling them in a meltdown is a daunting task without help from another source of support. It's not always the child that ends up in uncontrollable tears but mom is right there to, desperately trying to find a way to bring peace to their child.

A question was posted yesterday that really grabbed my attention, they all do, but this took instant hold of me because I think about it all the time. The question was and not exactly her words but she asked if after having to adjust to the difference for so long, would it be easy to let your guard down and go back to normalcy? My instant thought was no, the daily adjustments actually do change you as a person and parent. We spend every day on guard and waiting for progress that eventually autism really becomes a part of us because in order to make the adjustments needed, we have to think like our children would. Or at least how we think they would because even after being with them every day we still don't always know. We are constantly thinking even when we don’t have the energy to and we just can’t let that guard down.

When we had our son diagnosed we gave into the fact we needed someone to help us learn ways to adjust for him and ourselves. It is really what finally led to him being tested. We just didn’t know to help him and felt someone must know these answers. From my own experience I can say we found ourselves being offered advice that would have worked perfectly for our non autistic children but for Phillip? Not so much. It was much more complicated than that. We have adjusted in ways that work great one day and maybe the next it won’t work at all, so we are constantly thinking of how to figure him out, how to protect him, how to help others understand him, and how to help him make progress.

Mostly what we think about is….how to unlock that autism door that we keep knocking on. He slides clues under the door every day to keep us guessing, or opens it for a bit but for the most part all of us are just trying to figure out how to keep that dang door open so we can stick our foot in it and show every one whats on the other side because we know how amazing our children are and what they have to offer. Completely real, completely complicated, and completely awesome.

What Would Our Autistic Son Say?

Along this journey we have been asked hundreds of questions by specialists. Many of those questions they required a direct yes or no answer to. From my point of view a large number of those questions just couldn't be answered with a simple yes or no. Our sons autism is not so clearly defined and I think many cases or all are the same way in that regard. Autism is much more complicated than yes and no's.