Thanksgiving...unplugged and reconnected. Could you do it?

    Thanksgiving is upon us and the joy of eating until you either fall into a food coma or roll yourself out of the house with leftovers in hand begins. For my son Thanksgiving will be a challenge simply because of a house full of people but a challenge that often makes for a great distraction in our case. Autism isn't the subject today but I have to mention it just for good measure.

   The subject is old school. By that I mean Thanksgiving the way we used to know it, tons of food, football, family, and limited technology distractions. For some, family gatherings have changed a bit with cell phones, Ipods, and whatever else we can plug into. Including the TV but considering the football lives in that giant distraction, I will leave that one alone. How many of you find yourself in a group of people and look around to find limited interaction with each other because technology has a vice grip? Texting, music, games, whatever it may be these days it's always there and to often interaction is not.

   A few weeks ago my kids and I were driving in the mini van and two of my kids had Ipods in hand with headphones in the ears while texting.  What happened was, I had no one to talk to without interrupting technology and I cracked. The new rule of leaving these things behind when we go somewhere as a family was set because at that point it was either leave it behind or this mom was going to launch it all out of the mini van window into the nearest ditch never to be seen again.

   I remember the good old days that consisted of talking and distraction by way of each other as family and as people. I know many people have set strict rules on these things but I also know many people wish they had set more rules long ago. I wish I had and did but slowly it snuck in and I allowed it. One mom fail I know I am completely guilty of and I do see it as a fail to have my children so plugged in and tuned out to often.

   We are constantly wondering what is wrong with the world around us and the way things are going in our society and we all know how disconnected from each other people have become. It's clear, we all see it and are guilty of it so this Thanksgiving, leave it all behind. If you must take a cell phone leave it in the car as soon as you see the people you are thankful for to begin with. If it's the camera you need disconnect the Wi-Fi. I know, that's a scary thought for a lot of us but think of how it used to feel to actually connect with the people sitting next to you.  Unplug the kids and give them back what this generation is missing out on, connecting face to face. Aside from the kids, could you do it? Could you make it all day without sharing a picture of your mash potatoes with 300 of your friends or only commenting on a football game with the people right next to you who might not like your comment? Could you miss a text or in some cases hundreds of them to speak to the one person next you? Sometimes I wonder if it's not just what we see in the news that is a direct reflection of what's wrong with the word but what is happening in our very own lives we don't even realize is happening, because it all slowly snuck in and took over. Happy Thanksgiving and happy disconnecting from the online world, if you can.

Bryce is a true hero and inspired me to add a step to our routine.

http://www.puyallup.k12.wa.us/ourdistrict/news/newsdetail.cfm?NID=1422

               The Story above will make you cry and you can count on that and no this young man is not autistic. He is just one amazing boy who I would say got his mom’s heart beating just by being close to her. There is another reason I shared this story and it is a fear of mine that I think about more than I care to.

                I am not afraid of dying like I hear many parents say because they don’t know who will care for their children. I am very blessed and know if something were to happen to me my family would take excellent care of my son. They might struggle like crazy trying to figure him out but he would be loved with patience just as he is now and long term care would be excellent. My fear is if something was to happen to me at home and my son is here with me, what would he do? If I were to have a heart attack or whatever else could happen he does not have the ability to call 911 or get help. He will be 4 in October so he is young but at the same time I am not even sure he would understand why I would not be moving.

                That scares me like crazy and then I worry about if for some reason 911 is called how would he be able to understand any of it without slipping into a meltdown on top of what could be happening. Seems silly to be concerned about that but it’s a legit fear because I have no idea how he would cope with that kind of situation but I know he wouldn’t cope well.  Many kids would see mom or dad on the floor or bed not waking up and they would understand that help is needed. Knowing my child I think he would either sit with me and cry or wander around the house waiting for me to get up.  He would not have the ability to get himself a drink or food and what if for some reason he got out of the house, he would wander away without the speech to tell anyone who he is and what has happened. The thought of something happening to me that is unexpected scares the heck out of me simply because of his lack of understanding and his reliance on me.

                The young man in this story is amazing on every level and in this case both mom and dad were very lucky to have him there, beyond lucky really. His strength saved his moms heart from stopping and gave dad a moment of its going to be ok. None of us know what is coming our way in life and none of us really know how long or short our time will be but I do regularly pray I am here for my son and he does not ever have to face being here for me. At the same time this story stressed the importance in my mind that I need to create to some kind of plan even if it’s to be more diligent about keeping my cell phone close to me. Too often I leave it out of reach and at this point I can’t just tell my son to go get my phone, he simply wouldn’t do it because it’s not part of routine. After reading this story it is something we are going to instill in his life even if it’s just the understanding of getting the phone when I ask because being able to do that could make all the difference in the world if the time ever comes and I hope it never does.

Even God has a challenge.

                My fourteen year old son has the curse of thinking too much. Some would say that is a curse but it’s really more of a gift if he learns to focus it the right way. Fourteen is a hard age to analyze the world around you and try to make sense of things.  Answers to everything are impossible to find and last night he wanted to talk God with me for a bit. He has reached that time in his life he wants proof of God and evidence that God is real. I wanted the same at his age by the way and I hear a lot of people looking for the same thing before they decide to put any kind of faith in what they can’t see.

                It’s a hard to explain spiritualism to a teenager who still has a ton of life experience ahead but one thing he wants to understand is how bad things happen and keep happening. Everyone wants a better understanding of that, because according to Sunday school as a kid God has the power to just stop it. I remember thinking as a kid God was this wizard in the sky that could just wave his hands and fix anything if I asked. I know now that is not exactly how it works but the way I was taught led me to believe that. He’s magic so why doesn’t he just wave his magic hands and make everything magical? It took me years to discover the answer to that.

                First I questioned God like my son and then I moved on to being mad about things God should have been able to fix which at one time in my life turned me into a non believer because I didn’t see any proof either. Even at that point I was still looking for a way to believe because I was raised to believe in God and wanted to. I had blessings in my life that already proved some kind of higher power.  There were many times over the years I snuck into the back of a church hoping I would find some kind of evidence in the sermon that would change my mind. It never happened and in fact every time I visited a new church all I found was a bunch of people either looking for the same thing or so flawed they made my questioning stronger. The last time I walked into a church for a sermon was nearly ten years ago and it was after 9/11 happened. The pastor gave a sermon in regard to terrorism and Muslims. He called them the enemy and made some reference to the devil but this wasn’t the God I was looking for. On my way out the pastor cornered me because I was a new face and asked me to return the following week. I told him how I felt about the service and I would not be back and that was that. His face was a bit shocked by how I felt but to me he was just another man speaking on behalf of God. He wasn’t any better or worse than me and I figured if he could do it, so could I. After all a sermon based on hate wasn’t exactly what I was looking for. I like to think most churches don’t do that and I stumbled into the wrong one that day but I might have needed to.

                At that point I found my answer that was actually always there, it just took some time to see it. God has a challenge and his challenge is people. Miracles happen, I know because I have had them in life and prayers get answered. Prayers also go unanswered and many times that is a very good thing but one thing I realized God can’t do anything about is the choices people make and what comes from that. He can come into our lives but he has the challenge of people making choices that lead to bad things. He has the challenge of people representing him wrong or representing him like a magic wizard in the sky. He doesn’t make the decisions of man that lead to all these things we want him to wave his magic hands and fix. I do know once I realized God was challenged by the human race, I stopped blaming him for things he didn’t cause. I started to realize I was one of his challenges and working with him was much more in my favor than against. Life changed and even the hard times caused by my own choices or other people in my life, weren’t so hard anymore.

                I didn’t write today in regard to autism unless of course someone reading this blames God for it or leans on him for strength. I wrote to remind us we are all challenged by something and even that big magic wizard in the sky is challenged by each and every one of us. Maybe if we took a bit more notice of him in a world set to deny him we would find that proof so many look for by way of strength and a little ease when times are hard. After all hard times are something just about everyone can agree on right now and the interesting part is it has all been caused by the flaws of man.

Patience that could be classified as a super power!

               There is an element to keeping things at ease for my son that I believe without it, his life would be painful. Patience and I am not talking about typical patience most parents practice but extreme patience to the point it could be classified as a super power.

                I see a lot of people force change in a child with autism and have even seen other parents root them on for being in control and making it happen. I don’t really think anyone is in control when a parent is emotionally exhausted and a child is completely stressed out. Change is so hard for an autistic mind but I have found with extreme patience it’s not impossible and it’s not painful for anyone.  Changes have been eased in very slowly here when they need to be and by slowly I mean months sometimes.

                Everyone has some degree of insecurity when it comes to changes and especially unexpected ones. I personally like change but at the same time my mind has to adjust to it before I feel completely at ease. Autism is the same as you and I when it comes to this but the one difference is the mind can’t grasp it so quickly and easily. I see this about my son and forcing him to adjust as quickly as I can does cause a tremendous amount of stress.

                This became very clear to me when I had the ridiculous idea that I was just going to stop buying diapers and get this boy potty trained. At the time I felt I was going to flat out show him what needs to be done and he will adjust. Looking back on that decision I can’t believe how foolish I was for thinking that was some kind of grand master plan that would work in my favor because it didn’t work in anyone’s favor in any way. As soon as it occurred to me what I was trying to force I stopped the process because the stress I was causing my son was not worth it. We have made a bit of progress over months with the process but only two things have happened. He is now recognizing wet is not fun and he now verbalizes when he is wet and he wasn’t verbal at all when I tried my master plan. Doesn’t seem like much but for him these are huge steps towards a change. I was told by an autism advocate a year ago he was ready to potty train because he is dry at night and if he was not programmed the way he is, that may have been true but I can’t imagine the damage I might have caused if I tried to force him every time I was told it was time by people who don’t understand him. I was also told he would never reach the point of progress he has made without intense therapy with three different specialists that matched a schedule of a grown adult’s full time job. We never made it to the second appointments for that because the people involved did not understand him and he regressed immediately. That may have been the right approach for another child but not this one.

                My point today is change is hard and yes some changes just have to come fast and we have to deal with it the best way we know how but some changes are ok to take time making. Even a very long time if that is what a child needs to ease into a secure feeling. One thing at a time and that one thing can be small to the eyes around you. If you have overcome one small step towards the goal it’s not small to a child with autism, it’s huge! Not only is it huge to feel secure enough to make one small step but huge in a child’s security in how we can help and understand. In order to feel at ease with the change my son has to feel ease with me and anyone else who is helping him move forward.

                Move forward at a pace that works and that pace might not always be what you are told. Nothing is completely clear when it comes to autism but communication comes in all forms. If a child is regressing, lashing out, and showing clear signs of stress….slow down, slow way down. Pull up that patience super power and use it because the result is more than worth the time.

               

A good case of the giggles and some "I did its"!

                 Something happened last night that brought tears to my eyes and in a good way. There are so many days with Phillip it just seems to feel robotic. You do the same things and you get typically the same reactions. Unless of course things are mixed up a bit then you really don’t know what reaction you will get, but you hope for the best.

                When I see him accomplish something new I am overjoyed for him but many times he might simply smile or have very little reaction at all. I know he is proud of himself but a display of how he feels is a hard door for him to open. He might yell with a smile, dance, or take off in a run with a burst of happy energy to show his pride but someone who isn’t around him all the time might not know what he is communicating.

                Last night he found a way to make his big sister laugh hysterically. He stood in front of the recliner and tossed his head down on to it. Once he discovered she felt it was funny he stepped it up and decided to run across the room and dive into the recliner. His little legs would fly up into the air and his sister would burst out laughing. Then he laughed himself and surveyed the room to see if I was laughing to. This went on for a quite a while and he was having a blast but it was also bedtime so the fun had to end.

                When we crawled into bed he laid on his stomach with his head up and his chin resting on his hands. He was thinking about the fun with a smile on his face and said, “I did it” laughing at himself. He repeated I did it and continued to laugh harder and harder about his accomplishment of making his big sister laugh so hard. His energy level was still in full gear so getting him to lay his head down at all was not happening so quickly and still he repeated, “I did it” laughing a good hard three year awesome belly laugh. I told him. “Yes you did Phillip, you did it” and encouraged him to put his head down and go to sleep.

                Eventually he pulled the blanket up to his chin and rolled over into his time for sleep position, growing silent. I slowly turned my head to see if he had gone to sleep and there was one more very quiet laugh followed by one last quiet “I did it” then he drifted off for the night.

                The pride he was able express in himself and how long he felt that pride was awesome to see. At the same time he was able to actually communicate why he had such a healthy case of the giggles. It’s hard to explain why this was such an important moment for him but when you see the daily challenges he faces trying to break out of the autism hold, It’s a moment both of us wait for.

                Those are the moment’s autism parents live for! You wait for it, believe it will come, and don’t want to miss it for the world because it makes the hard days just disappear. The door opens just a bit and you get to see your child peak there head out and smile with pride. I accept autism and completely understand autism will not go away but I also know my son is trapped by it. When he breaks free of that trap the happiness I feel for him that he was able to do it gives me tears of joy because I can only imagine how that must feel for him. He can’t tell me how it feels but a good case of the giggles and a few quiet “I did its” explains it all.  

Dear Society...

Dear Society,

                I am a mom and I have three kids. My kids are twelve, fourteen, and three. My older children were toddlers together and for the most part they were able to live up to our social standards but I don’t encourage it and I will say in the last ten years our social expectations have risen quite a bit. My older children could speak full sentences very young and communication was never a problem. They could sit still when they needed to and understood the world around them better than many adults I have met in this life. I worked hard with them to make sure they were prepared for school and ahead of the expectation. They are well behaved and work hard in school. They do as I ask 95% of the time and are growing into amazing additions to our crazy adult world.

                I have taken the same approach with my youngest but he doesn’t speak sentences. He doesn’t tolerate social order such as standing in line yet and he doesn’t pick up on those expectations we have put in place to fit in. My older children can adjust when it is necessary but alas the youngest is not able to grasp this concept. He is autistic as much as he has to learn, society still has much to learn about autism.

                You see I have worked to teach him the alphabet, numbers, colors and to behave in order to appease the people around us but he has taught me this is not so easy. Repetition is what he needs and so repetitive one person nearly can’t keep up. Technology is nice because it has a battery that doesn’t run out unlike mom. The more he sees it and hears it the more it is pulled out. An example of this would be the alphabet. Over and over I sang it, showed it to him, and forced badly made DVD’s on him to learn the sounds. There was never a sign he was retaining it until one day he showed me. He knew the sounds and he could recognize the letters. He made it all the way to letter S and he fought like hell to get it all out.

                Next time you see a child blasting by you in a grocery store or whatever public place you may be, and you see a mom blasting by you right behind him with extreme patience for her child’s actions keep in mind this repetition process. Today she got him in the store peacefully for the first time. Today she may have gotten an extra half hour out of him to get what she needed. Today she also ran out of frozen waffles and it’s the only thing he will eat for breakfast. These outings, she prays for just a few more minutes of success because the repetition of trying is what makes that happen.

                I will tell you with my son’s autism, and I can only speak for him, he sees, hears, and soaks in everything around him. He may not say it or make it known he is doing it but he is. This includes the actions of society towards him. He knows he being stared at and he sees people whisper. He notices when you roll your eyes and give his mom an odd look that doesn’t appear to be a friendly one. The nasty comments made to some parents are heard and they soak in. The repetition of society is teaching our children the social expectations they are required to learn. How society reacts to a difference makes a difference to a child and a family.

                A child with autism may not be doing what everyone around them expects of them but they are fighting like hell to understand what that means. The actions of others play a bigger role in that process than people think because on the outside looking in it may seem autism isn’t paying attention.  I ask one thing and one thing only…please practice understand and repeat it as often as you can.

                That simple act almost everyone is capable of and not only does it help just a bit to create 1 in 88 amazing additions to our crazy adult world, but a little self improvement never hurt.

Sincerely,

An autism mommy, who has run out of waffles.

For instant smiles...you must see this!

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=ba6_1356372323

    If you haven't had the privilege of seeing this fantastic kid slappin beats on a washing machine you must check out the link above for an instant smile! We see a lot of videos of very cool things autistic kids are doing but this is one that really put the biggest smile on my face. Phillip is very into sounds around the house and investigating them so when he caught a glimpse of this young man making music on a washing machine his reaction was priceless!

     He instantly stood up and began to laugh hysterically then he started to move his hands trying to mimic what the boy is doing. It's one thing to see something cool and another to see the smile on my sons face as though he completely understands why the boy is wanted to do it.

     For instant smiles click above and be sure to catch the grin on the boys face, because it will make your own smile just a bit bigger.

     Merry Christmas and may the joy of Christmas flood your homes in a way you can't escape it!

The fun parent pulled it off and glad to be fun again.

     For the last three days I have been down for the count with the same stomach virus Phillip caught last week. Daddy had to really step up his game to help out and thank God for it! I literally could not stay awake for more than an hour at a time and when I was awake if felt like a vice was squeezing my head. I was totally worthless in every way. This doesn't happen often but when it does, it is a drastic change.

     Part of Phillips routine is mom so when mom is out of commission he has to find a way to rely on dad and his brain gets a bit frustrated. Dad does pretty good by the way but wants to appease him just a bit to much. Sometimes you just can't appease the little man and you have to get up and walk away. Phillip is used to dad being the fun parent and not the enforcer. You could easily say dad is used to this routine as well and likes it that way. Who wouldn't?

     Day two I made a joke to dad and said to him, "how do you know I am not just faking it to lay on the couch and do nothing?". Dad actually did give me a second glance on that one. I have to admit even though I felt like road kill I secretly enjoyed listening to the role reversal. For one it's a reality check for dad that being the fun parent really is much easier to do and for two the begging me to feel better is a sure sign I have made being the enforcer look easy. Feels like a sadistic pat on the back from life (cue evil villain laugh).

     Day three I finally went up to take a bath and wash off what my family was so kind not to mention and it seemed as though dad and Phillip had become totally in sync. My sadistic pat on the back from life had become irrelevant. That is until dad had to go to the grocery store and I asked if he as taking Phillip with him. The look on his face completely priceless at the thought of taking him with him because we all know what happens to Phillip upon entry of a grocery store and mom had just gone to far on that one.

    Today I am back to full health and the order of fun parent and enforcer has been restored. Daddy pulled it off with only a few bumps in the road and now gets to go back to being what he is best at, being fun. Mommy gets to get back to being the enforcer and unfortunately I didn't get my chance to be fun because I was to dang sick to take on that role. I did get enough sleep to last at least a week and even though I felt like I was on my death bed, knowing daddy can pull it off is a good feeling. On that note my heart goes out to those super strong mommies and daddies who are doing it all alone. How they do it can only be explained by some kind of super power that kicks in when needed. Dad goes back to Alaska in just a couple weeks for his three month stay and boy am I lucky I have only been this sick when he has been in the lower 48 to help out. Not so sure daddy would agree with me on this being lucky but I do know he is probably praying my health stays in tact for at least two more weeks.

A busy mind...and getting tons of exercise!

               Great visit with Phillips Uncle and cousin this weekend and was nice to see the boys play together, also to get some muscle help to move some furniture in from uncle Tank.  Today we inherited a beautiful piano that matches our dining room set and hopefully when Phillip nails down his ability to pay attention he can take some piano lessons.

                I also did the unthinkable today! I went to Ross without Phillip and it was just me and my daughter who goes off shopping on her own. I had forgotten what it felt like to go into a store, look for things for myself, and not be in hurry. Not to mention not have my family running by trying to keep up with Phillip. Yes I have been given time to do this in the past but we all know if your little ones are in the building your mind is never really on finding much for yourself.  Then I did another unthinkable! I actually bought some things for myself that I took time to pick out. Things I really like and not just things I grabbed on the fly by. It was fantastic to spend a little time with my daughter even if it was short without either one of us having to manage Phillip at the same time. Then again, I missed it a bit and found myself in a hurry when I didn’t need to be. I was even talking to myself out loud because I am constantly talking to him so he will stay with my voice. It’s just the nature of the beast now and boy did I get some funny looks. For once I was getting funny looks for my behavior and not my son’s behavior, and the irony cracks me up.

                Now we are settling down for the evening. My dad is sitting in the dining room helping my oldest son with his math homework and thank God he made a trip over this evening as soon as I called for help. That alone is just an amazing feeling all around. I don’t have to give my son a pep talk and tell him to do his best because help was on the way. Having a math and biology teacher a phone call away is going to be a God sent, literally, to get the kids caught up in a good education system. I knew they were going to struggle a bit so having that support is going to be key for them to have an education they deserve.

                Phillip is running around in his diaper as usual and my daughter finished up making some brownies I intend to dive into later tonight. Dad is kicking back after a nice weekend with his brother who is typically too far away to see for a quick weekend and I am preparing to do some investigating into some old stamps from a book of modern postage stamps printed in 1940. Full of awesome stamps I am excited to find some history on. After the little man falls asleep of course and I stuff my face with some hugs in the form of chocolate.

The days are so busy with constant things to see and do I feel like boredom isn’t even an option anymore. Very different from life two weeks ago when boredom was how the day began and ended. I can’t help but wonder if this change that has made me feel like my brain has things to do is the same way Phillip feels. He has adjusted better than I could have ever imagined he would and maybe busy was exactly what he needed. Routine is good and essential for him but routine also needs ways to keep a mind moving. Exercised might be a better word to use and his busy mind is not just getting the ease of routine but the exercise of never sitting idle for way to long.

A busy mind must keep moving and this boy’s busy mind is doing a whole lot of moving these days, along with a bigger house to keep this little legs moving right along with it.

Start with kindness...even a small act of it.

                 A lot going on in the world right now and seems a bit overwhelming at times I think for a lot of people. Or if you are on the east coast, extremely overwhelming. We are about to find out who our president will be for the next four years and we all know this has people very much on edge no matter who you support. The world is a crazy place and we are all hanging onto hope for the human race.

                Just before Halloween we stopped at Wal-Mart to find a last min costume for Phillip. By chance I found one that was missing the mask and gloves. Of course I pointed it out to the checker because if you are buying half of a costume you like to think you won’t have to pay full price. The checker told me the only discount offered no matter what is 10% off and that was the limit. Wal-Mart policy was to not give any more than that under any circumstance. I told her it was fine and knew this was a company policy and nothing could be done but she called a manager anyway to just to see what she would say. The manager came over and immediately I could see she had a hard exterior and was no way she was going to budge on the 10%. We started talking and she told me I needed to go back to the costumes and find the rest of the costume which was not an option. I told the employees it wasn’t that big of deal and I was ok with the 10% and I was polite to them. Not their fault they work for a huge greedy corporation who only cares about profit. In fact with the economy the way it is, I have respect for them for even going to work every day at such a rotten place to work.

                Once we settled the manager quickly told the checker to lower the price much lower price than 10% off which surprised the checker. When the manager walked away she told me I must have caught her on a good day. My response was there is no reason to get upset with her. She is just doing her job they way she is told to. That is when the checker told me about a customer from the day before who was trying to receive a discount on a TV. He grew so angry with her over the 10% discount he went on to call her horrible names. Names most people wouldn’t be able to listen to and get up the next day to go to work. It disgusted me to think someone would be so rude and inhuman that another person’s worth in life was ok to trample on over a TV. Stories like this put a dent in my hope for the human race.

                Today I turned on the news and saw the NY marathon runners decided to run anyway even after the mayor canceled it. I suspect trying to keep the hope alive which is nice, but all I could think was they are spending the day running with a huge amount of people not to far away who need some help from people who have the energy run a marathon. Again, a dent in my hope for the human race.

                While you go about your day think about the fact that maybe you are just one person in a huge overwhelming world, you still have the ability to think outside the box. Think about your actions towards others and how you can affect someone in a big way with a small action. Kindness is a great place to start in a world where kindness stands out and people need to feel it from others. Take some time to help someone just because you can even if it means just holding a door and giving someone a smile that needs it. Go just a bit out of your way to do something you would like to see more of in society because for the most part we all have one thing in common. We all want more of this from each other and possibly we want more of it from ourselves.

That dang cancer and words we should all take to heart.

              I did not write this. This is an email I received today from an angel in my life who has been fighting cancer for a long time. Not to long ago she told us all she was no longer going to spend her days sick and miserable, but living the rest of her days taking life in the best way she could. I wanted to share this because we take for granted the life we have everyday. Here are words from someone who is truly taking in life on a daily basis because she knows her time is short. Read it, feel it, and believe me every word is a lesson. We all have our battles in the world and if we are lucky we can have this view on life while we tackle them. My love to a wise and amazing women!

Dear friends, support group, Trusted confidants and THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T
Really give a damn but put up with my updates anyhow,

Over the last four months, life has changed once more. I'm leading a pretty
amazing life for someone who was given six months to live in September.
However, I did find out that is more an arbitrary time frame used to get me
in hospice care as soon as possible and not a true time frame. No one
really knows how long I will be around to irritate you all.

I have the best friends and my siblings have been coming through for me
these last couple of months. A mild fall with beautiful golden colors made
sitting in my nest an amazing visual feast. Life has been good.

I've had lots of time to think and consider the great mysteries of life.
I've decided there are no answers to any of life's questions and that's
where faith comes in. I have faith that the cardinal will lose his
brilliant red color, the gold finch will turn a drab olive brown, cold
weather is on its way, and that if we look for it, we are constantly
surrounded by the most amazing world.

I also believe that no matter how hard we try we can never please all of the
people all the time (however, that is still under advisement by a few poorly
informed types), we can please some of the people some of the time, and we
can please some of the people NEVER!!!! That one I know for a fact. And
so,my new outlook is that the only person we can really "please" is ourself.
Trying to please anyone else is pretty futile!

The rewards of truly loving and supporting our friends are astronomical!
So,for those of you who have decided I am an old woman without a lick of
sense, just pretend that I got into my Long Island Ice tea and that Madeline
and I are having a limitless party. (It's Lue's fault! That lady knows her
wine!)

For those of you who really care, I can't wait to see you again.

Meanwhile, my heart goes out to my sister who lost her husband on Monday but
is still unbelievably blessed with two sons, two daughters-in-law and three
grandchildren. Would that we were all so blessed to be surrounded by love
in all those really difficult times.

Meanwhile,remember, cancer isn't all bad! I can eat whatever I want,
whenever I want even though I can't taste much. But for those of you who
live in MN or own a plane, there is a bakery that moved down from
heaven,literally and set up shop in Plymouth with a second shop in Anoka
called Truffles and Tortes. I think I' walk barefoot through a blizzard to
get one of their raspberry tortes. Now, there's something worth dying for!
Of course, that is next to my sister-in-law's rice pudding, my sister's
"fresh lefse,". Brandy's caramel pecan rolls (which I'm told are as good as
my mother's ( a fact she still has to prove to me), all of Harriet's
cookies, which are being known in a five state area, my brother's jams and
butter bridle candy, Bruce's pearl onion dish, heaven is just a mouthful
away. Of course if you are blessed to life in fish and shellfish country,
you are already too blessed for your own good! Dungeness crab, halibut,
smoked salmon - you guys got to learn to share the wealth! You are already
living in heaven, after all!

Arlo, Mikey,Tasha, Widget continue to thrive and survive. We are all growing
older but I am so glad I'm not living with a thirty year old hunk of burning
love. I couldn't keep up!

We are doing great here! I got a high-class purple walker which doubles as
a chair on occasion. I'm trying to find the wooden cane Arlo made for his
Mother, and maybe at some point, I might need a wheel chair and all those
embarrassing bathroom accouterments.

Meanwhile, know that Arlo and I laugh and enjoy every positive moment we
are given,

There is one favor you can do for me - give one another a lot of love,
forget about past mistakes once you've learned whatever lesson you BOTH
needed to learn, and try your best to treat others the way you want to be
treated. Old ladies get to say all this stuff because when everything is
said and done, " all we need is love (and a big mouth)!"
(cue Beatles)

Love
Jeanette

P.S. I don't know if I'll be sending out another update, but even if I do,
you do NOT HAVE TO READ THEM. God willing and the creek don't rise, I might
even have something interesting to write about sometime in the near future!

Reply

Put that damn phone away and help!

                 Here is a picture that came up this morning on Facebook. There is no autism in this other than this baby is not autistic or would have been screaming like crazy from sensory overload. There is a human nature lesson in this.

                When you first look at it your quick reaction is, what a terrible mother. Why would anyone put their baby on that nasty floor? That was my reaction at first. Then I began to think more and more about all the different elements involved that aren’t just about a baby on the floor.  I began to feel bad for this woman because of those elements you won’t think about at first glance.

                First thing I thought about was she felt putting the baby on that nasty floor was the only option. Something kept her from asking people to help her. Maybe she felt it would make her a burden to others or maybe she just really felt putting the baby on the ground was no big deal. The only way to know would be to ask her personally and unfortunately I can’t, but I sure would like to. Then we have the women standing nearby with her back turned. Did she see this happening and if she did how did she react? Again maybe she didn’t notice although this would be a hard thing to not see happening.  The woman standing nearby not helping gives a little more clarity to why mom didn’t ask if you think about it. If people see this happening and then don’t step up why would someone feel people are kind enough in the first place to lend a hand.

                The picture alone should give us a mountain of information about society. When the picture was posted all of the comments were aimed completely at the mom but there is so much more to aim at. There is women nearby and the person who took out there phone to take the picture and blast it on facebook.  I don’t use my phone to take pictures of shocking things and I especially wouldn’t use it at this moment. My phone is used to call people not humiliate them. In fact the time spent taking this picture could have been spent walking over and offering to help. So yes we can take aim at this woman for putting her baby on a gross germ infested floor but let’s not forget what our society has become. So completely wrapped up in documenting a moment with a cell phone the ability to pull up some empathy is gone. I can’t help but think that in some way this contributed to how a mother would rather put a baby on the ground than ask for some kindness of others in the first place.

                Like I said maybe this was just her way, but how did we all get this way? I have had some difficult moments with my son in public. Rarely do people show empathy when this happens. If they do it’s a little old lady who hasn’t allowed technology to rip out her soul. Is it just a matter of time before a picture of a struggle of my own ends up blasted on the internet? Maybe, because some people do see an autism moment as bad parenting.

                People need to stop preying on each other with cameras and start stepping up with kindness. Or have we gotten so far in to this habit, kindness has been smothered out of us. I like to think there is still hope for the human race but in order for that to become a reality we have a whole lot of work to do on ourselves and our daily interaction with others.

                The title attatched to the picture this morning was "Get that damn baby off the floor!" but I think what could have been added to that was, Put that damn phone away and help!

               

                 

We can all learn from total lack of selfish desire.

             Birthdays are such a great event! We all have one and we all love it, to a point anyway. I am more into ignoring mine than celebrating or making a fuss about it but secretly I do like to feel special when my birthday rolls around. Kid’s birthdays are nearly the greatest day of the year. Three holidays in a kids mind are stand out awesome and those would be Christmas, Halloween, and the birthday. The one day everyone is celebrating you.  There are balloons, cake, ice cream, a party, favorite dinner, friends, and those ever amazing presents screaming your name and your name only.  Kids wonder if they have a present in there they have been begging for. Maybe a surprise present mom and dad said they would never buy. It’s just all around one of the greatest days of the year to a child.

                For my son it’s an entirely different story and as strong as I aim to be all three of these holidays can get me a down a bit. Yesterday was in fact Phillips third birthday and to be totally honest he didn’t recognize it. I actually don’t even know if he understands he is three years old. I like to think he does and I like to think he knew it was his day but all of the clues of the day pointed to he had no idea what was going on. He liked his balloons because they float that’s cool and he liked some of that nasty chocolate cake. I unwrapped his presents and he had almost no interest in the unwrapping process. It took him some time to even acknowledge the gifts and play with them. New things are so easily accepted. A hard thing for others to understand when a gift is presented to him, no matter how awesome it may be, it’s still new and out of the ordinary. I end up pushing it on him so the person who gave it to him feels like he likes it. A habit I am getting myself out of because it’s an issue that is only based on my concern and no one else’s.

                Even though he lacks the ability to get excited about his own birthday and it gets me down a bit there is the other side to it I appreciate in a huge way. He is a child who doesn’t require things to be happy. He doesn’t demand anything as far as material objects and even though he shows no interest right away he also doesn’t show disappointment if something isn’t what he thought it would be. Sometimes a kid gets a gift they don’t like and they let it be known but I don’t see that in him either. It’s all based on interest. There is no show if emotion regarding selfish desire. To me that is one of the inspiring things about him. Of course I want him to be excited about the holidays but there so much to learn from someone who isn’t capable of falling into the selfish desires of wanting to many things, even if he didn’t choose to be this way it’s something we all wish we could grasp one way or another. The ability to be happy with what you have and the only desire that ails you is to communicate how you feel. What if we all had just a little bit more of this in ourselves?

Seems like the day will never end, to bad it will!

               Yesterday was one of those days that just seemed like bed couldn’t come soon enough. Beginning with an early doctor’s appointment which the world around me refused to let us get to on time. After trying to wrangle some pee in a cup for testing then only finding a cup to put it in that I had little faith in and stuffing it in my pocket, we met the world’s longest slow moving train on the tracks to get to the highway. Once we reached the highway we met construction for nearly the entire seventeen miles to the clinic. We made it just in time to hold the appointment. The clinic has a great play area with toys that are perfect for a child who is on the spectrum. This gave him just enough to time to get totally focused on the toys before they called his name.  

                I made the mistake of bringing my coffee mug in with me so when his name was called I had to break his focus and wrestle him through the door. At this point I had a child that is all arms and legs putting up a fight from a too quick transition, a room full of spectators, clinging to a coffee mug that should have stayed in the van, and an questionably sealed cup of pee in my pocket.  At this point I gave the coffee mug to the nurse to carry. Since Phillip was already in battle mode I knew the rest of the appt would not go well. The nurse tried to weigh him and tried to check his vitals but we are now at the point touch is a problem. He was still focused on those fabulous toys I just yanked him away from.

                I offered the nurse the pee I had in my pocket for the UTI test and giggled when she put on a rubber glove before I handed it to her. Yes it’s gross but the journey the pee made without fail was a good sign she was safe.  In the end we ended up with our first prescription that is supposed to be given for seven days. The pharmacist said to me, it doesn’t taste that bad, as though it shouldn’t be a problem. Again I was given a giggle because unless it tastes exactly like tapioca pudding it’s not going to go down well ,if it goes down at all. We are on day two and I am going to have to call Monday for a different option because the medicine does in fact not taste like tapioca pudding.

                Once we finally made it home it was a constant and long day of Phillip wanting to take a bath as he figured out that was the only way to get relief from a painful UTI. The challenge with that is, when my son isn’t feeling his best some of those spectrum side effects shine through such as turning the bath water off. This is an old problem we conquered long ago but it came back full force. Five baths total for the day and each one we had complete upset when the water was shut off. One of which he became so out of control I had to remove him from the bathroom and put him in his room to calm down. To explain this challenge it has to do with sound of the water flowing. It runs long enough for him to get comfortable and then when I shut it down it is a frustrating fast change. If he feels unhealthy these fast changes are much harder for him to process. We had a full day of these challenges and mom was exhausted.

                By ten o’clock I was literally begging my son in my mind to pass out for the night and at ten thirty my silent begging paid off. I was craving my pillow more than a heroin addict craves a fix but there was my oldest son sitting on the couch watching movies. One thing I love is just a little free time to sit and talk with my older kids and what I love was staring me right in the face no matter how bad I wanted to go to bed. I sat up with my son watching an old movie, showing him some old comedy and having some good laughs. Soon it was midnight and I just couldn’t stay up any longer but the longest day ever ended perfectly. In fact I would say I am entirely grateful the day was as long as it was because just sitting around with my son seeing his smile and hearing him laugh was more than worth the time added to the day.

                A difficult exhausting day that ended with an hour and half of exactly what I needed to feel gratitude for endless day, and by midnight I felt as though the day just wasn’t long enough.

That dang normal bus...or is it?

               A few days ago I posted a blog in regard to some merchandise being sold that read I ride the short bus. Since then we have covered the topic of bullying or victimizing depending on how you look at it, and today I am digging into a topic that pertains to the bus the socially acceptable kids ride. That dang normal bus nobody takes aim at because no one on it needs a little extra help to begin the day. The thought we have buses at all that determine who is more challenged or less is amusing when you hear all the things that happen on a bus full of socially adjusted kids.  

                If you rode the school bus as a kid you know it was common for the older kids sit in the back of the bus. I guess you could have called it the right of passage for being in a higher grade. A rank in some ways and you knew one day you would earn your spot to, or maybe you had an older friend or sibling who you sat with. No matter how wrong it may be it was common then and common now.

                I have heard of a young person who has taken this rite of passage to entirely new level on the “normal” bus. A level I am a little baffled by because of how she has gotten away with it. This person gets on the bus after school to make sure the younger kids are not in the back row of seats. Also making sure her seat is empty. Typical bully and even though this is just a show of power it’s not unheard of.  The part that might just blow your mind is this person doesn’t ride the bus anymore. A driver’s license and drives to school but still taking the time to check the bus to make sure those seats are not taken by the younger kids. That little detail totally blew me away as to what is fueling this ambition to hold rank on a bus this person doesn’t even ride anymore. Takes time to check the bus and yell at whoever may be sitting in the seat of royalty and gets off the bus to drive home.

                In regard to bullies and the age of your kids your tactic has to change sometimes. When my kids were little I could just jump to the rescue and put an end to it but as our kids grow up we sometimes have to step out of the way depending on the degree of the situation. I wouldn’t call this a situation parents need to rescue anyone, other than the seat warden. So it’s up to the kids to react or not react to the situation. Leave the seats empty and continue on or take the seats and band together? I know what I would do or would have done back in my school days but my school days were different and much easier. I would have taken the seat just to see what would happen but I can’t say my desire to test things like this in life has always worked in my favor. Then again I can also say it has worked out for the better at times as well.

                The short bus is for kids who have a different challenge and because of that both the kids and the bus become the target. I have to wonder though if there is rank on the short bus or if kids who don’t ride it anymore are stepping on the bus to hold claim to a seat with intimidation. I find that impossible to even imagine because most of the kids riding that bus might have struggled just to get to the point of being able to. The day is full of difficult challenges and pulling rank is not usually one they have time for. The privilege of going to school on a bus at all could be something they have had to physically and mentally fight for no matter what size of the bus.

                As for the person who is guarding the seats there might just come a day someone wants that seat more than they do. Life has a funny way of humbling us when we need it, when we least expect it. If we are wise enough to expect it at all.

 

A boy and a mission...

                I love to watch my son operate and I mean literally how his mind operates. I love this about all three of my kids and can say one of my favorite things since the day I became a mom is watching how their minds work. It doesn’t matter if it is a small thing or a big one I just love seeing who they are. It’s actually my idea of fun. I know maybe I need to get out more but it really is fun to see happen.

                Today I stopped at the park for a bit and when I pulled into the parking lot I glanced back at Phillip in the rearview mirror. His eyes grew much bigger and his mouth flew open. He didn’t make a sound but his face was in shock I took a right instead of heading over the bridge like we typically do. Once I unbuckled him he took off like a rocket but not in the direction you would think a three year old would go. In one direction was your typical playground in bright blue colors and the other direction was the river. The river was his destination and nothing was going to slow him down. His little legs were moving top speed and he did not once look back. As soon as he was within 6 ft of the edge I told him to slow way down because I never know if he is just going to bomb right in or stop.  This time to my surprise he slowed down the moment I told him to, and waited for me to catch up.

                I took a magazine with me because he likes to focus for a long time and I can’t sit very long. I thought maybe it would help me to not be so antsy to leave to fast. We tossed a very small rock in the water and that was when he began his mission. A half hour later he had cleared a small section of the bank of river rock but that part of the mission wasn’t what blew me away. It was the way he chose to do it that I could not stop watching him. From that tiny rock he started a pattern. The next rock he chose was a bit bigger and he would carefully wait to watch the splash. Each rock he chose after that was just a bit bigger than the last. It wasn’t just the size he chose carefully but the shape was important to him as well and flat was his shape of choice. Even if he had to dig for the next perfect rock he did it and always just a bit bigger. Eventually he was pulling up flat rocks he could barely lift and barely throw but he was not going to stop. When I could see the struggle was just too much I told him one more and all done. With that he barely tossed his last large rock, waited for the splash and took off for the van. Just like that, no fuss and almost like he also knew he was running out of options.I never did pick up that magazine because I didn’t need to. Watching him and the way his mind was working was far to entertaining and fascinating to miss out on for some junk mail magazine. In fact I hadn’t even realized how long we were there.

                    A day like this is one reason why I have such a difficult time with the way autism is perceived by so many people. How can this kind of thinking at not even three years old be looked at the way some people see it? How can the mind of a toddler who just created a strict pattern based on size and shape, refusing to give up be considered broken in eyes of society. I know, he doesn't speak well and he gets overwhelmed but at the same time he seems advanced. Advanced in some ways and behind in others. Just like rest of the human race.

                   Autism brings something different to each person and we are very blessed that Phillips autism doesn’t cause any discomforts but I sometimes wonder if there are things about autistics we are missing just by simply being so caught up in the diagnosis of autism. Maybe sometimes we are so wrapped up in the struggle we miss the amazing things. I know if I would have picked up that magazine I would have missed something very important in regard to my son’s abilities. I like to think I know his abilities….until he proves to me that there is so much more I need to know.