A good case of the giggles and some "I did its"!

                 Something happened last night that brought tears to my eyes and in a good way. There are so many days with Phillip it just seems to feel robotic. You do the same things and you get typically the same reactions. Unless of course things are mixed up a bit then you really don’t know what reaction you will get, but you hope for the best.

                When I see him accomplish something new I am overjoyed for him but many times he might simply smile or have very little reaction at all. I know he is proud of himself but a display of how he feels is a hard door for him to open. He might yell with a smile, dance, or take off in a run with a burst of happy energy to show his pride but someone who isn’t around him all the time might not know what he is communicating.

                Last night he found a way to make his big sister laugh hysterically. He stood in front of the recliner and tossed his head down on to it. Once he discovered she felt it was funny he stepped it up and decided to run across the room and dive into the recliner. His little legs would fly up into the air and his sister would burst out laughing. Then he laughed himself and surveyed the room to see if I was laughing to. This went on for a quite a while and he was having a blast but it was also bedtime so the fun had to end.

                When we crawled into bed he laid on his stomach with his head up and his chin resting on his hands. He was thinking about the fun with a smile on his face and said, “I did it” laughing at himself. He repeated I did it and continued to laugh harder and harder about his accomplishment of making his big sister laugh so hard. His energy level was still in full gear so getting him to lay his head down at all was not happening so quickly and still he repeated, “I did it” laughing a good hard three year awesome belly laugh. I told him. “Yes you did Phillip, you did it” and encouraged him to put his head down and go to sleep.

                Eventually he pulled the blanket up to his chin and rolled over into his time for sleep position, growing silent. I slowly turned my head to see if he had gone to sleep and there was one more very quiet laugh followed by one last quiet “I did it” then he drifted off for the night.

                The pride he was able express in himself and how long he felt that pride was awesome to see. At the same time he was able to actually communicate why he had such a healthy case of the giggles. It’s hard to explain why this was such an important moment for him but when you see the daily challenges he faces trying to break out of the autism hold, It’s a moment both of us wait for.

                Those are the moment’s autism parents live for! You wait for it, believe it will come, and don’t want to miss it for the world because it makes the hard days just disappear. The door opens just a bit and you get to see your child peak there head out and smile with pride. I accept autism and completely understand autism will not go away but I also know my son is trapped by it. When he breaks free of that trap the happiness I feel for him that he was able to do it gives me tears of joy because I can only imagine how that must feel for him. He can’t tell me how it feels but a good case of the giggles and a few quiet “I did its” explains it all.