I am not an exhausted autism mom.

   I am not a good advocate, I used to be but not anymore. I have a numerous reasons why and it starts with the simple fact I am an not an exhausted autism parent. In fact the only reason I am ever exhausted is choosing not to go to bed at a decent hour some nights. Plus I have three children I have to adjust my mind for and each I have to parent a different way but autism plays a small role in that.

   I am not a member of any online groups with a negative title such as Autism Sucks or Exhausted Autism Parents because the title of some of those groups turns me away before I could ever participate in them. I am not trying special diets, anymore, or concerned about food allergies although if my son would eat a bigger variety of food other than pizza, peanut butter, and cookies, who knows I might discover some. I am not concerned about where he falls into the social order as long as we see some form of progress and even the smallest win is good enough for me. I am not concerned about what people think he should be doing because what people think is irrelevant.

   I don't engage in cause debates anymore because I know what the cause was in our lives and I don't need to debate it. I am not pro-vaccine or anti-vaccine because picking a side is impossible when you weigh all the arguments. I don't tell people my son is autistic unless they ask because it shouldn't matter and it never does until I say it. I am not bothered when people stare at him because people tend to stare at things they are trying to figure out and I don't take it personally. I smile and go about the day knowing they have zero impact on tomorrow and knowing 95% of the time they aren't trying to offend me or my son.

   I have no complaints or concerns about my son's behavior and the reality is he impresses me daily with his sense of humor, kindness, and never stop trying way of doing things. He can speak a little and I was told without 40 hours of therapy a week that wouldn't happen, but it did and a little is a whole lot better than not at all. He is 4 and not potty trained but I consider all of the amazing things he has accomplished and I know he will accomplish that as well with time. If it doesn't bother me to wait until he is ready than it shouldn't bother anyone else. He is not violent to others or himself and I have never seen a hint of that ever being an issue and he is extremely sensitive to how others feel both emotionally and physically.

   There are two things that actually do still bother me when the topic of autism comes up and the first is when someone assumes he isn't paying attention. Treating him the way the autism stigma has taught them to. By that I mean they might think he can't emotionally connect with them or they are afraid to try because they have been taught by the definition of autism he could meltdown or he might be to disconnected to try. To Distracted? Yes, that is a fair assumption but disconnected, absolutely not. The second is when someone says to me "Kids with autism grow up to live "normal" lives all the time." Always said to be encouraging and it is a positive statement, depending on if a "normal" life is the goal. I don't know what a normal life is because I personally have never had one or know anyone who has. I suppose it would be living independently and finding a 9 to 5 job like the rest of the us but when I picture my son as an adult a normal life isn't the first thing that comes to mind that I want for him. Happy is the first thought I have no matter what kind of life takes him to it.

Easy does it! Every single day.

                Sitting here with my cup of coffee that is stronger than usual on purpose, the big kids are off to school, and the little man is rocking some One Direction in only jet plane underwear. He slept in them and has for a weeks now with no problems at all. Interesting thing is he wears underwear the majority of the day and never has an accident in them. Is he potty trained? No he is not and has not used the potty one time.

                We have reached a point in the potty training process I cannot do one more thing to make the process easier. Beginning last fall I was able to get him used to sitting on a potty by building him a tiny little table with some sensory items that slipped over his lap. Showing him sitting the potty was ok to do and found a ton of success with that but he did not actually use the potty. We have done visuals, social stories, and apps to the point he knows the entire process step by step. He even knows how to wipe his backside and does it with speech. He will check the toilet paper and ask, “it is clean?”. I have hung a mirror on the wall across from the potty so he can entertain himself making faces. That never seems to get old for him by the way and probably one of the best things I did during this process.  He has taken it upon himself to sit for a very long time on the potty, over an hour, and still no use.

                We had one day he removed the toddler seat and he fell into the potty. I peaked in to check on him just as he was sitting down and he did in fact fall right in with his little legs sticking straight up in the air and yelling for help. Honestly thought that day would be the end of his try for a while as the shock of the cold water hit him by complete surprise. Yet the next day he was back at the potty attack with full intent to make it happen.

                He stays dry at night and wears underwear all day long, in fact I am 99% confident we could leave the house for a very long time in underwear and come home completely dry. I haven’t done it yet but considering it. So what is the hold up? It’s simple and yet so entirely complicated I have no idea what I can possibly do for him. Communication and not between him and I because It’s actually very surprising how potty training has come along without much verbal communication. The communication between his mind and body are not connecting just yet.

                His self control is extremely impressive because he will absolutely not go potty in his underwear no matter what and really when we go places he will not go potty until he has returned home. Now, you would think, just put him on the potty when you get home. Doesn’t work and he will continue to hold it until he is suffering in physical pain. I have read every single potty training trick in relation to autism and no autism and none of it applies. One was sent to me yesterday on how to incorporate a timer and sit him on the potty every half hour. Won’t work because his mind tells him going potty is supposed to happen in a diaper and only a diaper. We put one on, he goes potty and we go right back to underwear.

                There is no trick to getting him any further at this point and it is all up to his mind connecting with his body to make the transition, comfortably. I can’t get frustrated and try to force it because we will move backwards and it will take even longer for this to happen. My son has taught me a style of parenting that begins with this phrase every single day… Easy does it.  Right along with pay attention and understand. If I didn’t know this was a mind and body communication block, I could cause some serious damage for him trying to learn. Without understanding what is happening I would be a brick wall in the middle of his mind and body. He already has to find that connection and I sure don’t want to be the one thing that makes it even more difficult.  His try is strong and he is working hard at finding this connection. We already know autism has a hard time connecting senses. There can be too much sensory input and there can too little sensory input but no matter which one we face….understand, pay attention, and EASY DOES IT.

                I  

 

Push it real good! (potty subject warning)

                We have been working on potty training around here for the last week and the funny thing is I am not the one who started this mission. I learned my lesson long ago I was basically powerless in this process after I helped him get over his fear of sitting on the potty.  That small step was about as far as I was going to get with the process and we put the brakes on the mission before I caused to much damage for a future try at it.

                For the past week Phillip has been taking it upon himself to master every step of the process according to what he has learned from videos, apps, and hopefully me. He uses the word power when he has to go potty or has already gone. Verbal communication! The one thing I knew we needed to make any progress at all. He goes into the bathroom, puts the seat on the potty, sits, even uses toilet paper properly, washes his hands with a bit of help and turns off the light before he leaves the bathroom. An impressive step, because he might be the only one in the house who actually makes sure to do that. He has a mirror on the wall across from the potty to entertain himself and it works. He loves making faces at himself while he sits. I did notice an app he watched stated the toilet “takes” the potty away so I had to correct it and tell him he has to “give” it to the toilet. Seems silly but for the way his mind works it’s actually is an important correction.

                The last 5 or 6 days I have spent at least half of my day sitting on the bathroom floor rooting him on. I have sung Wheels on the bus hundreds of times and any other form of entertainment I could think of. He actually will sit for a very long period of time and I have had to keep both of us from getting bored waiting for the magic to happen. Last night I even resorted to playing Push It by Salt N Pepa but that actually just turned into fun and he had to get off the potty to dance. A nice break that gave us both a good laugh.

                At this point there is absolutely nothing else I can do to entertain, motivate, and inspire. Why is it he has the entire process down and nothing is happening? Change is holding him back, so to speak. Learning the process is not really change, it’s more like adding to routine and it has in fact become routine at this point. The change is the part he has to transition out of the diaper he has grown used to for 3.5 years to the toilet. The feeling change and his mind must grasp that going potty a different way is ok to do. You see we can sit in the bathroom all day and the moment we put a diaper on he goes potty. He actually will NOT go potty without one on and someone might think I should just refuse to put one on him. If I do that he will hold it to the point of physical pain and we have been through that before. He held it so long he couldn’t walk once and I refuse to see him in that state or put him in that state again. I tried that the first time around when I didn’t fully understand how difficult it was going to be for him to transition. I get it now and I refuse to force him onto the change because he wants to make it happen therefore he will. He wants it so bad he took it upon himself to learn every step of the process. Patience is going to pay off with this situation and allowing him to find a way. At this point it’s all up to him and making that transition. I have no doubt that he will make that transition but it’s going to take many days, possibly months, or even worst case scenario years of sitting on that bathroom floor rooting him on. If I try to force him or demand the change we go right back to no progress at all. He will regress and the tricky about regression is that also takes days, months, or possibly years to overcome. Not a risk I am willing to take.

                For now I am extremely proud him once again for doing more than we were told he might do. I have to wonder in all those meetings and verbal statements from people saying what he won’t be capable of that maybe he was listening much more than anyone felt he was. To them he was the autistic boy not paying attention but I think he was to every single word spoken.  He has been fighting very hard to prove them all wrong and in one year has been doing exactly that. If in one year he has blasted all those can’t do’s to pieces I can only imagine how much more he has to show us in the years to come. That is if I can manage to work with his mind and not against it.

               

Patience that could be classified as a super power!

               There is an element to keeping things at ease for my son that I believe without it, his life would be painful. Patience and I am not talking about typical patience most parents practice but extreme patience to the point it could be classified as a super power.

                I see a lot of people force change in a child with autism and have even seen other parents root them on for being in control and making it happen. I don’t really think anyone is in control when a parent is emotionally exhausted and a child is completely stressed out. Change is so hard for an autistic mind but I have found with extreme patience it’s not impossible and it’s not painful for anyone.  Changes have been eased in very slowly here when they need to be and by slowly I mean months sometimes.

                Everyone has some degree of insecurity when it comes to changes and especially unexpected ones. I personally like change but at the same time my mind has to adjust to it before I feel completely at ease. Autism is the same as you and I when it comes to this but the one difference is the mind can’t grasp it so quickly and easily. I see this about my son and forcing him to adjust as quickly as I can does cause a tremendous amount of stress.

                This became very clear to me when I had the ridiculous idea that I was just going to stop buying diapers and get this boy potty trained. At the time I felt I was going to flat out show him what needs to be done and he will adjust. Looking back on that decision I can’t believe how foolish I was for thinking that was some kind of grand master plan that would work in my favor because it didn’t work in anyone’s favor in any way. As soon as it occurred to me what I was trying to force I stopped the process because the stress I was causing my son was not worth it. We have made a bit of progress over months with the process but only two things have happened. He is now recognizing wet is not fun and he now verbalizes when he is wet and he wasn’t verbal at all when I tried my master plan. Doesn’t seem like much but for him these are huge steps towards a change. I was told by an autism advocate a year ago he was ready to potty train because he is dry at night and if he was not programmed the way he is, that may have been true but I can’t imagine the damage I might have caused if I tried to force him every time I was told it was time by people who don’t understand him. I was also told he would never reach the point of progress he has made without intense therapy with three different specialists that matched a schedule of a grown adult’s full time job. We never made it to the second appointments for that because the people involved did not understand him and he regressed immediately. That may have been the right approach for another child but not this one.

                My point today is change is hard and yes some changes just have to come fast and we have to deal with it the best way we know how but some changes are ok to take time making. Even a very long time if that is what a child needs to ease into a secure feeling. One thing at a time and that one thing can be small to the eyes around you. If you have overcome one small step towards the goal it’s not small to a child with autism, it’s huge! Not only is it huge to feel secure enough to make one small step but huge in a child’s security in how we can help and understand. In order to feel at ease with the change my son has to feel ease with me and anyone else who is helping him move forward.

                Move forward at a pace that works and that pace might not always be what you are told. Nothing is completely clear when it comes to autism but communication comes in all forms. If a child is regressing, lashing out, and showing clear signs of stress….slow down, slow way down. Pull up that patience super power and use it because the result is more than worth the time.

               

Updates from past blogs. Lessons learned.

Today I am going to update from earlier blogs. Life changes quickly and sometimes I can look back at a blog and realize just how fast it happens.

                  Authority or Power? They are not the same...

This update is one I tend to be grateful for and lessons learned for more than just me. If you have read this one you know there was some static this day with my older kids school. I was not happy with the authority and the authority was not happy with me but at a football game I saw the receptionist and I didn’t like knowing that her only interaction with me was an angry little woman storming out of the school office. I apologized to her for my actions and felt much better after speaking with her briefly. Even if her opinion stayed the same I gave it my best. The principle and I have also come back to common ground and both admit the day could have gone differently. Peace was restored which brings me to the next update.

That dang normal bus...or is it?

The bus warden has been stopped. My son did decide to sit in the seat that was off limits and yes, things did get a bit more heated and difficult. Proud of him for standing up to this person knowing it could go very bad for him. When all was said the done the authority caught wind of the situation and ended it immediately. The bus bully no longer calls the shots and the kids are free to sit as they please. So that being said I have eat the title of the first update because in this case authority was in fact power and used that power to make a lot of kids feel secure and relaxed again. Also to let the bully know they are not actually in charge, an important thing for bullies to be reminded of.

 Number one challenge potty training by far!

This update is one that I have truly learned a lot from. Yes, the transition was in fact the number one challenge. It was so much of a challenge we have had to back off of potty training and wait a bit longer to try again. Even having to get him comfortable in a diaper again and right now you might be baffled. You see we mastered the sitting still. We mastered understanding the process and we mastered all the steps involved, even staying dry at night. What I could not find a way to battle around was my sons disapproval in regard to the change. He seems to want to use the potty at times but he can not connect the act of doing this with his routine and without very much verbal communication it is an even bigger challenge. He held it so long he put himself in constant pain and soon he didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t connect the potty to his mind but he had in fact connected going in a diaper was not the way. He became stuck in limbo and stuck in a lot of pain. Very hard to explain but for now, we back off and wait as I was told from the start. Patience was the wise word from a friend by the name of Susan and it was the wisest advice I have been given, now taken truly to heart.

That is the updates for now and this week will be spent packing and preparing for a move back to my hometown. A drastic change for all of us and I can only guess will bring some very good stories!

 

That dang normal bus...or is it?

               A few days ago I posted a blog in regard to some merchandise being sold that read I ride the short bus. Since then we have covered the topic of bullying or victimizing depending on how you look at it, and today I am digging into a topic that pertains to the bus the socially acceptable kids ride. That dang normal bus nobody takes aim at because no one on it needs a little extra help to begin the day. The thought we have buses at all that determine who is more challenged or less is amusing when you hear all the things that happen on a bus full of socially adjusted kids.  

                If you rode the school bus as a kid you know it was common for the older kids sit in the back of the bus. I guess you could have called it the right of passage for being in a higher grade. A rank in some ways and you knew one day you would earn your spot to, or maybe you had an older friend or sibling who you sat with. No matter how wrong it may be it was common then and common now.

                I have heard of a young person who has taken this rite of passage to entirely new level on the “normal” bus. A level I am a little baffled by because of how she has gotten away with it. This person gets on the bus after school to make sure the younger kids are not in the back row of seats. Also making sure her seat is empty. Typical bully and even though this is just a show of power it’s not unheard of.  The part that might just blow your mind is this person doesn’t ride the bus anymore. A driver’s license and drives to school but still taking the time to check the bus to make sure those seats are not taken by the younger kids. That little detail totally blew me away as to what is fueling this ambition to hold rank on a bus this person doesn’t even ride anymore. Takes time to check the bus and yell at whoever may be sitting in the seat of royalty and gets off the bus to drive home.

                In regard to bullies and the age of your kids your tactic has to change sometimes. When my kids were little I could just jump to the rescue and put an end to it but as our kids grow up we sometimes have to step out of the way depending on the degree of the situation. I wouldn’t call this a situation parents need to rescue anyone, other than the seat warden. So it’s up to the kids to react or not react to the situation. Leave the seats empty and continue on or take the seats and band together? I know what I would do or would have done back in my school days but my school days were different and much easier. I would have taken the seat just to see what would happen but I can’t say my desire to test things like this in life has always worked in my favor. Then again I can also say it has worked out for the better at times as well.

                The short bus is for kids who have a different challenge and because of that both the kids and the bus become the target. I have to wonder though if there is rank on the short bus or if kids who don’t ride it anymore are stepping on the bus to hold claim to a seat with intimidation. I find that impossible to even imagine because most of the kids riding that bus might have struggled just to get to the point of being able to. The day is full of difficult challenges and pulling rank is not usually one they have time for. The privilege of going to school on a bus at all could be something they have had to physically and mentally fight for no matter what size of the bus.

                As for the person who is guarding the seats there might just come a day someone wants that seat more than they do. Life has a funny way of humbling us when we need it, when we least expect it. If we are wise enough to expect it at all.

 

Number one challenge potty training by far!

                The last three weeks we have been working towards potty training. We began with an intense fear of sitting on the potty. Once we jumped that obstacle we were on to the next challenge of actually sitting on that potty for more than five seconds at a time. If you read my blog often you know I had my potty invention idea which I will say was completely effective at teaching him he can sit on the potty for long periods of time or at least enough time to make the magic happen.

                What have I learned about potty training an autistic toddler verses a non autistic toddler in the last three weeks? There is a world of difference. Many people aren’t able to potty train a child with autism at all and some take years to master it. It is in fact one of the most complicated challenges we have faced and I knew it was going to be but I based that on lack of communication not what I have actually discovered.

                When you think of potty training you think it’s time to teach my child to recognize when it is time. It is time to teach them being wet is uncomfortable and once you are able to show a child these two things it starts to take off. The child learns that feeling and slowly begins to master it. Not always so easily but we all know how it works.

                Here is our challenge and it’s one I am still trying to figure out. You see my son has full control of his system when it comes to going potty. He will actually hold it sometimes to the point of pain, not just number two but he can hold number one way to long as well. He knows the feeling of being wet and he hates it. He also knows what the potty is for and I have no doubt he understands how it is used. So, what is the problem at this point? It’s a tricky one that’s for sure. The routine of going potty in a diaper for nearly three years is not so easy to break. You might think if he just relaxes and does it once in the potty he will understand. When a child with autism is set on routine it is nearly concrete. In his mind this concrete routine will not be broken.

                The moment I realized this is not a physical training issue or a matter of getting him to understand a potty was a very clear signal from him routine has a firm grip on why this is so difficult.

 He was running around in the buff once again. I had a couple of diapers still tucked away in a travel bag in my living room. We hadn’t used the bag in a very long time but he remembered the diapers being in the bag. He walked over pulled one out and held in front of himself to go potty. That’s right, his mind was telling him you have peed in a diaper your whole life and this is where it goes. He didn’t even have to put it on just the simple visual of what he is used to. I stopped him and placed him on the potty where we blew bubbles for nearly a half hour and he would not go potty….it’s not where it belongs in his mind.

                When you hear of someone struggling to potty train a child with autism or maybe a caregiver who is giving a parent a difficult time on the issue consider how the mind of autism works before judging if the parent is doing all they can. It may not be a matter of not knowing how or some might even think a lazy parent who isn’t trying hard enough. Changing that routine is much harder than you can ever imagine. Not impossible and I now have a new approach to this challenge. Three years of a routine for him is not going to change so quickly. Every day we are working towards a change in that routine actually becoming the new routine he is used to. Eventually his mind will let go, I hope.  Everything else he needs to know and understand is already there to potty train.

                 

Autism for us and potty training....Think autistic!

                 Today’s post is about the potty so I will try to keep it clean in case you’re having a snack. My son is almost 3 and everything has pointed to ready to potty train for while now.  He is dry at night most of the time and his body kind of works on a schedule. The problem has been adjusting to such a huge change. Three years of a diaper and three years being comfortable with that process and with autism or any child, that change is a huge challenge!

                We started two weeks ago and I woke up one day thinking, we are going to do this beginning today. I laugh now because my optimism is sometimes over the top of the reality we face but being a bit unrealistic can sometimes lead to over thinking. Over thinking can sometimes lead to logic and I stress sometimes with that theory.

                We began going straight to underwear because after all wet isn’t fun so he will understand that after a few accidents right? No, it’s not that easy. Yes, he understands wet and doesn’t like it but there is the part of him that needed to be led into a drastic change of routine that didn’t frustrate him or we would in fact move backwards in the process. Another obstacle we faced was the potty in general. It is a seat with a big hole in it so that led to some real fear of sitting on it. Once I managed to get him on that seat with a hole then what? I could talk, dance, make weird noises, try to read a book, and use every other tactic under the sun to get him to sit still long enough for the magic to happen. Reality was we have autism and autism never sits still. Toddlers in general never sit still. I have been told stickers or a reward but in order to reward I had to find away to get him to sit to begin with.

                I won’t lie I was totally at odds and nearly broken with an answer to this. No matter what I read or advice I was given it felt like I just had to throw my hands up and call it good. None of those things were going to get a comfortable routine established and if I forced it I knew he would fight back and the battle would just grow bigger. Any parent who has been through the potty training process knows it can go all wrong with one bad incident.

                Here is the thing with autism that I know from my own son. Logic, reasons, and purpose has to be a factor. Boredom is the enemy and it is just another word for defeat with his difference. I put my mind to work with all of these factors running through my head and how to defeat them all at one time. There had to be a reason to sit to begin with. There had to be logic in the process meaning if he sits he will find a purpose other than going potty because he hasn’t found the logic in using a potty yet. I can’t explain that to him so I have to show him. Not show him myself so like so many people will suggest but show him through his own body. Taking him outside to pee on tree wasn’t going to work or I would end up with a teenager who only pees on trees.  I built something that gave him a reason, purpose, and soon will come the logic of why we sit. Is it the autism potty training answer?  No, probably not as it is different with each child.

                I will say in two days my son has sat on his potty without any problems. Sometimes he sits for just a short time and other times he sits for a long time. Last night he sat for nearly an hour and sat again this morning. He enjoys it and has found purpose in sitting on the potty. I am completely at ease with the process and know things will fall in line in his mind.

                I also know with a stroke of luck what I made for him inspired speech, counting, and a routine of sitting still. There are ways to work with autism and of course it's not easy. There are no easy answers to parenting in general. My sons mind never stops searching for purpose and things that ease him or interest him. Even when it comes to a process we should all understand like using a potty. There has to routine and purpose. I don’t know about you but a sticker chart sure wouldn’t motivate me to change my life from the daily comforts I already know. Three years of routine is not that easy to change for any child, but it’s not impossible either. If my idea bombs so be it and I will let my readers know but my unrealistic optimism that I pride myself on says we are pushing on with some awesome progress and my belief is it’s going to continue that way.

Authority or Power? They are not the same...

                 No autism today because honestly things have been going so smooth along those lines I can’t think of one thing to write. That is a very good thing for us but not so good for my blog.

                Today I am writing about adults in a position of authority. When it comes to being in this position, especially when it comes to children, a parent needs to feel their child’s best interest is always top priority. Even if you don’t agree the actions have to send the message that the child is the common ground and what is best for them is the goal.

                My daughter had to have her DTap immunization to begin Junior High and we did that which led to some moderate side effects and she was not feeling her best when school began. I have never had to hand deliver an immunization record so that was something I had forgotten to do. I had spoken with the authority to let him know she was in fact immunized. Yesterday my daughter called me from school and told me I needed to deliver the record right that minute. I told her I couldn’t do it right at that very moment but I had other things to bring to the school so I would be there later in the day. That is when she became upset with me and told me she will be held out of class and made to sit in the office until I bring it in.

                My first thought was…are you kidding me? But she was not kidding me. My second thought was…why am I speaking to my daughter who is now in the principal’s office for the first time in her life about this issue? So I asked my daughter to hand the phone to an adult. I didn’t care which adult, just someone with an adult perspective and wise enough to send her back to class. The adult I was handing to was rude and stated she couldn’t go back to class without the record as it is state law. I explained I understood state law perfectly but she has been in school over a week and she needs to be in class. If there one thing no one should do is recite state law to a mother of an autistic child when it comes to immunizations. That part actually makes me giggle. At this point I was not happy at all with the tone I was given, the lack of respect, and the simple fact my daughter was being held out of class. I also assumed after speaking to this woman they would send her back to class because common sense tells you keeping her in the office is unjustified at this point.

                When I arrived at the school as soon as I could, and maybe a half hour later I saw my daughter sitting in the back of the office reading a book. You can only imagine at this point I had flames coming out of my ears. I walked into the office past the receptionist and told my daughter to go back to class, which she did gladly as I found out she had missed two classes already. Meaning she sat there much longer then I had even been made aware. I tossed the record onto the desk and decided at that moment I was not going to leave silent like they expected me to. I rarely speak up and I am always polite even when I don’t want to be but in this lifetime I know firsthand sometimes adults are just flat out wrong.

                I said to this woman, I don’t appreciate my daughter being punished for something I had forgotten to do. When I said it, no one looked at me but I did see her eyebrows go up as if she didn’t like what I had to say. I waited for a response and nothing so left quietly. When I arrived home the principle called me to notify me that I had been disrespectful and created an unsafe environment. Huh? Unsafe? I told him his tactic was wrong, I give the respect I am given and I understand the immunization was needed but to one day decide to yank my daughter out of class when in reality she shouldn’t have even began school if we are talking law, was just not ok. In the end of the long conversation and I can say we both made our point I was asked to show respect when I enter the building. I completely agreed as long as that was based on a mutual respect. Also agreed. He and I have always been on good terms and I don’t want that to change.

                The problem for me now is I don’t really have much respect for the authority anymore even though I really want to. My daughter’s education is supposed to be top priority and our common ground, but taking her out of class was not the message that was sent to me. The message I received was, do as we say or your daughter will pay. Really no other way to describe it.

                Sometimes adults are just flat out wrong and authority can be confused with power. In this case easy to deal with and no one was hurt or strongly affected but in many cases that mentality is a serious and dangerous problem. Speak up when your gut tells you to and make sure the actions match the intent, which should be positive intent when it comes to your child. School is a place to learn and be social. Yes kids need to respect the authority in life and so do adults but always pay attention to the difference between authority and power. They are not the same.

                Of course later that day to my surprise the receptionist from a different school called to notify me my oldest child and his friend, God love them both, had changed her bulletin board on the front of the school to read a dirty word. He’s 14…and 99% of the time very well behaved but this time the authority was not happy and we were on a common ground;)