Patience that could be classified as a super power!

               There is an element to keeping things at ease for my son that I believe without it, his life would be painful. Patience and I am not talking about typical patience most parents practice but extreme patience to the point it could be classified as a super power.

                I see a lot of people force change in a child with autism and have even seen other parents root them on for being in control and making it happen. I don’t really think anyone is in control when a parent is emotionally exhausted and a child is completely stressed out. Change is so hard for an autistic mind but I have found with extreme patience it’s not impossible and it’s not painful for anyone.  Changes have been eased in very slowly here when they need to be and by slowly I mean months sometimes.

                Everyone has some degree of insecurity when it comes to changes and especially unexpected ones. I personally like change but at the same time my mind has to adjust to it before I feel completely at ease. Autism is the same as you and I when it comes to this but the one difference is the mind can’t grasp it so quickly and easily. I see this about my son and forcing him to adjust as quickly as I can does cause a tremendous amount of stress.

                This became very clear to me when I had the ridiculous idea that I was just going to stop buying diapers and get this boy potty trained. At the time I felt I was going to flat out show him what needs to be done and he will adjust. Looking back on that decision I can’t believe how foolish I was for thinking that was some kind of grand master plan that would work in my favor because it didn’t work in anyone’s favor in any way. As soon as it occurred to me what I was trying to force I stopped the process because the stress I was causing my son was not worth it. We have made a bit of progress over months with the process but only two things have happened. He is now recognizing wet is not fun and he now verbalizes when he is wet and he wasn’t verbal at all when I tried my master plan. Doesn’t seem like much but for him these are huge steps towards a change. I was told by an autism advocate a year ago he was ready to potty train because he is dry at night and if he was not programmed the way he is, that may have been true but I can’t imagine the damage I might have caused if I tried to force him every time I was told it was time by people who don’t understand him. I was also told he would never reach the point of progress he has made without intense therapy with three different specialists that matched a schedule of a grown adult’s full time job. We never made it to the second appointments for that because the people involved did not understand him and he regressed immediately. That may have been the right approach for another child but not this one.

                My point today is change is hard and yes some changes just have to come fast and we have to deal with it the best way we know how but some changes are ok to take time making. Even a very long time if that is what a child needs to ease into a secure feeling. One thing at a time and that one thing can be small to the eyes around you. If you have overcome one small step towards the goal it’s not small to a child with autism, it’s huge! Not only is it huge to feel secure enough to make one small step but huge in a child’s security in how we can help and understand. In order to feel at ease with the change my son has to feel ease with me and anyone else who is helping him move forward.

                Move forward at a pace that works and that pace might not always be what you are told. Nothing is completely clear when it comes to autism but communication comes in all forms. If a child is regressing, lashing out, and showing clear signs of stress….slow down, slow way down. Pull up that patience super power and use it because the result is more than worth the time.