It's easy to blame God

    I was raised in a Christian home with very strong faith in God. Every Sunday we went to church as a family and taught that God is in control of everything. His ill is the way and it's our job to trust his will which in many ways I still believe that theory but life events over the last 20 years or so have given me different ideas of the role God plays in life. If you don't believe in God in general than today's blog would be a waste of your time but give it a shot anyway because it's not a hard theory to understand.

   I used to face a hard event and grow angry with God for leading me to it. After all it's much easier to skip my own role in the process and point a finger directly at God for how my life unfolded at times. Looking back that seems a little silly to me now because my choices may have caused God himself to shake his head in frustration. Once I grasped my own actions I realized how much I ignored my role in hard times but could never ignore the strength I was given to get through them.

   Autism confused me as far as Gods will because I had no understanding of how God's will could be for a child to struggle so badly. Why would God pick on a child, was a question always in my head.  I hadn't made any bad choices and some might say the large amount of vaccines I allowed my son was a bad choice but it wasn't. It was me being a mom and wanting my son protected, judgment or blame would be ridiculous for doing what I felt was right for my child. Looking back I wouldn't have allowed it but I certainly can't say God led me to it. I can say the way the CDC has chosen to rush the process did and my faith in modern medicine signed the papers. I could have easily turned my back on the faith I was raised to have but that didn't make sense to me because the strength I was given to cope and accept the circumstances was and is something even I can't explain which I am totally comfortable blaming God for.

   I was given another dose of this when cancer took up residence in my healthy dad this year. Easily the most healthy person in our family. Not only healthy but a genuinely good person all the way through to a indescribable level. A lot of questions came from that, like how can this happen to someone so healthy and so needed in the world? Why would God do this to someone who has spent 67 years living right and just flat out treating others like they are all born as good as he is? A lot of people said to me, why him and Gods will has come up a lot. My mind has one answer to that and it's the same answer as autism, God didn't do it. Blaming God and bypassing all the things modern man produces that we know for a fact cause cancer seems a bit unfair. He didn't create the things we consume all our lives, we did. Example, I will probably start on a can of diet coke this afternoon and keep going. I know for a fact diet coke increases risk of cancer, yet I still drink it. I also know there is a trigger for autism that has not yet been discovered by science. I know my own personal opinion but it doesn't fit every story either and when that trigger is discovered I am almost positive no one will be able to point directly at God but ourselves and the choices made by mankind will most likely be very clear.
 
    I told someone earlier this year that when I pray, and I do pray, I never ask for what I want or ask why. I ask for strength to understand and get through it and that is a prayer that never goes unanswered. Along with the added bonus of finding tiny little miracles during extremely hard times that I can only blame on faith and being given the ability to see it. It can't be proven, only felt and that feeling is what tells me what is okay to blame on God and what is not. Maybe it's not about leading you to it and getting you through it but just getting you through it, that is felt and almost impossible to explain. For me the cool part about faith is it can't be explained and human nature craves proof and an explanation for everything. Consider how boring the word would be if we actually had that.

Even God has a challenge.

                My fourteen year old son has the curse of thinking too much. Some would say that is a curse but it’s really more of a gift if he learns to focus it the right way. Fourteen is a hard age to analyze the world around you and try to make sense of things.  Answers to everything are impossible to find and last night he wanted to talk God with me for a bit. He has reached that time in his life he wants proof of God and evidence that God is real. I wanted the same at his age by the way and I hear a lot of people looking for the same thing before they decide to put any kind of faith in what they can’t see.

                It’s a hard to explain spiritualism to a teenager who still has a ton of life experience ahead but one thing he wants to understand is how bad things happen and keep happening. Everyone wants a better understanding of that, because according to Sunday school as a kid God has the power to just stop it. I remember thinking as a kid God was this wizard in the sky that could just wave his hands and fix anything if I asked. I know now that is not exactly how it works but the way I was taught led me to believe that. He’s magic so why doesn’t he just wave his magic hands and make everything magical? It took me years to discover the answer to that.

                First I questioned God like my son and then I moved on to being mad about things God should have been able to fix which at one time in my life turned me into a non believer because I didn’t see any proof either. Even at that point I was still looking for a way to believe because I was raised to believe in God and wanted to. I had blessings in my life that already proved some kind of higher power.  There were many times over the years I snuck into the back of a church hoping I would find some kind of evidence in the sermon that would change my mind. It never happened and in fact every time I visited a new church all I found was a bunch of people either looking for the same thing or so flawed they made my questioning stronger. The last time I walked into a church for a sermon was nearly ten years ago and it was after 9/11 happened. The pastor gave a sermon in regard to terrorism and Muslims. He called them the enemy and made some reference to the devil but this wasn’t the God I was looking for. On my way out the pastor cornered me because I was a new face and asked me to return the following week. I told him how I felt about the service and I would not be back and that was that. His face was a bit shocked by how I felt but to me he was just another man speaking on behalf of God. He wasn’t any better or worse than me and I figured if he could do it, so could I. After all a sermon based on hate wasn’t exactly what I was looking for. I like to think most churches don’t do that and I stumbled into the wrong one that day but I might have needed to.

                At that point I found my answer that was actually always there, it just took some time to see it. God has a challenge and his challenge is people. Miracles happen, I know because I have had them in life and prayers get answered. Prayers also go unanswered and many times that is a very good thing but one thing I realized God can’t do anything about is the choices people make and what comes from that. He can come into our lives but he has the challenge of people making choices that lead to bad things. He has the challenge of people representing him wrong or representing him like a magic wizard in the sky. He doesn’t make the decisions of man that lead to all these things we want him to wave his magic hands and fix. I do know once I realized God was challenged by the human race, I stopped blaming him for things he didn’t cause. I started to realize I was one of his challenges and working with him was much more in my favor than against. Life changed and even the hard times caused by my own choices or other people in my life, weren’t so hard anymore.

                I didn’t write today in regard to autism unless of course someone reading this blames God for it or leans on him for strength. I wrote to remind us we are all challenged by something and even that big magic wizard in the sky is challenged by each and every one of us. Maybe if we took a bit more notice of him in a world set to deny him we would find that proof so many look for by way of strength and a little ease when times are hard. After all hard times are something just about everyone can agree on right now and the interesting part is it has all been caused by the flaws of man.

Find your stinky old book!

                 When I saw this picture it made me think of two things, one being how plugged in our society is and two being what parent’s are able to do to get away even if it’s just for a moment. I collect old books and I mean really old. Early 1900’s or earlier are my favorite finds and this is something I have liked to do but only recently started doing more of it. I can’t count how many times I have gone to the grocery store alone and some will say to me, “at you got to get away”. Just to clear this up, getting away and being away are two different things. Leaving alone to buy diapers or a gallon of milk is being away. Getting away is something that clears your mind.

                Getting away is taking time to be alone with yourself and being reminded of whom you are, what you enjoy, aside from being a parent. I love being a mom but eventually I do start to wonder if the only thing I will ever do again is laundry, dishes, house cleaning, and managing three kids. Aside from autism all three of my kids have very challenging personalities none of which are anything like the other. Spending day after day trying to keep those minds balanced and out of trouble can get exhausting. Not exhausting in a way I need to sleep but in a way I need to give my own mind some personal attention. So, I jump in the van and go on a short quick book hunt.

My kids think I am nuts because I come home with stinky old books and a smile on my face but to me those stinky old books are what keeps me from losing myself keeping up with everyone else. If you lose yourself your really not much good for the people around you so I need those books. That short treasure hunt makes me happy and it’s necessary for my own soul.

It is very hard to find something that gives you soul food when you have a child with autism simply because it is very hard to get away and when you do it can be short lived. Very often it’s being away that is still gravitating around others. Not a bad thing because that’s what a parent does but everyone needs that one thing that is for their own good. No matter what that might be.

Years ago I was in the worst place of my life and I had all the time in the world to myself but my mind was never on me. My dad’s childhood home was being rented in Montana and I traveled over to clean up for the next renter. When I arrived the home was in need of a gutting and I was to stay in it for the trip. It was empty and smelled so bad I could hardly breathe with one bed left for me to rest my head on and stare at the walls.  I went out into the shed and found a book tucked back in a corner that had been missed for years because it was left there from the years my grandma still lived in the home. I have no idea how it was missed all those years but it was an Edgar Allen Poe book from the early 40’s so I grabbed it and went back into the empty house for the evening. I sat on that one bed trying not to breathe or touch anything for fear of what I might pick up from the filth and I read that book. From beginning to end and the entire time I forgot where I was. Forgot about the things in life that were challenging me and I was totally lost in a stinky old book left hidden in a corner for over ten years by the very women who taught me I could go anywhere in a book, my grandma. I did get a hotel for the rest of the stay so I could breathe clean air but I took that book with me.

             The point is everyone needs to find their stinky old book! Something that feeds or reinforces their soul and gives us that short escape customized for our own mind. Not just autism parents but all parents or just anyone who starts to feel a bit drained from the challenges of life. It might be something no one understands or something so small it isn’t clear why it puts on your face. We are living in a busy world that is completely plugged in and flowing with judgment no matter what you do. We can’t avoid any of it so find a way to escape it that is healthy for you. After all is said and done what’s healthy for you is healthy for the minds you’re trying to keep up with. The bonus is they will see you find your stinky old book and one day find their own hopefully. Being away is nice but getting away is good for your soul.

Thankful for the way things just come together, when I let it.

                Road trip for the holiday today and the first thought I had this morning was, how will the day progress. I had two thoughts in my head and was just going to keep my mind open and see what happens. We were heading to my brothers house full of people. Phillip had never been to my brothers and a house full of faces can of course become a problem. So he would either adjust fine or right off the bat he would have a meltdown.

                So the journey began and we packed into the minivan on our way to the ferry terminal. Once we arrived at the ferry terminal we discovered a two hour wait to get on the boat. If we waited, on the side of the road we would not make it in time to the feeding frenzy we were all thinking about. This brought the decision to drive, also two hours but without the hour boat ride. All the while I am thinking about if or when Phillip will protest. So far he was perfect and seemed to be happy to be on an adventure. I have noticed since moving when we drive there are so many new things to see each time, he is perfectly content.

                Off we went down the freeway with the hope the traffic would not be so bad our time was wasted no matter what decision we made. Since moving back home I have had a new perspective on life in general and all the things I have missed. The busy life I was always running from is exciting and I am in love with it. From driving through Seattle to a passing DeLorean on the freeway, I just enjoy it like a little kid would. Phillip was in awe as we drove by the airport and did not take his eyes off all this planes on the ground and in the sky.

                At my brothers house he ran right inside and barged his way through the faces onto the couch. Then he was off to explore and take it all in. You could say he did this nearly the entire time we were there and was fantastic. Then the time comes he has in fact taken in all he possibly can and he realizes it. He doesn’t just realize all he has seen and investigated but it pours over him and the overwhelming feeling hits. I would compare this to slowly filling a cup with water. If you just keep pouring the water in, it will spill over the top.

                 This used to take just a short time and thankfully these days it can take a long time but either way, it hits. His first sign of overload is he wants his clothes off and at home this is fine but most of our overloads don’t happen at home. Then it elevates to not wanting to be touched and some people would mistake this for being unfeeling or unloving. For Phillip this really is him saying to me…I am overloaded with feeling and I can’t handle one more, including touch. When the don’t touch me faze begins I know this is it and very soon no one will be able to help him. Once this faze is in effect I know it is time to go. Next time he goes to my brothers it won't all be new so the risk of that pouring over won't be so strong. He will in fact remember all he took in today.

                The evening ended and as we drove past the city lights I was content, full of food, but content. He did better than I could have expected in every way and I was feeling a bit overwhelmed at that point how quickly life changed in the past weeks. Being able to spend the day with some of my family in the place I have always called home was not something I would have predicted in life just a few short years ago. Driving down the road with the people I love, able to touch Phillip again by the way, cruising by Seattle lights on Thanksgiving and home is just s short drive away is exactly how life Is supposed be. At exactly the right time and I know that because life has taught me just exactly that.

                On a day we are supposed to say what we are thankful for I can easily say I am thankful for the twists and turns, the tears, laughs, the surprises, and all those pesky things I have needed to learn even if I had to learn to the hard way. I am thankful I can say goodnight and I love you to my kids every night and know one day Phillip will say it back. On a typical morning the one thing I am thankful for as soon as my eyes open, is that I was given another day to open them. If that is how your day begins, well I would say your day started out pretty dang good. Now all you have to do is live like you really feel just opening your eyes for another day is actually a gift and let it all come together, no matter how that may happen.

Sanity and a hearty sense of humor!

                 The total chaos of moving is completely in effect, almost completely. I have been loading boxes for over a month and only two days away I feel like enough has just not gotten done. Once you bust through the first layer of stuff it seems there are more layers. The move is not the chaos I am worried about because personally I kind of like moving. It is exciting and gives me a chance to rid of things we just shouldn’t be holding on to. This move is especially exciting for me as we are moving to the place I grew up and since I was eighteen years old I have only spent a few short days at a time. I will have my family close and people I grew up with that I haven’t seen in years. Some people who really did play a big part in my life that I have never forgotten as they are impossible to forget. I have carried their smiles with me for a very long time but having the time to see those smiles in person and catch up will be so much better.

                What happens with Phillip during this move is a total mystery and yes I am worried how he will adjust. The big kids will adjust fine and make new friends with ease. They are in Junior High and I know the school they are going to is a great one with many more things for them to do to keep busy in a positive way. With Phillip it is going to go one of two ways, either very hard or very easy. I have learned during this journey with him to expect the unexpected and never assume anything.

                We will have a much bigger home for him to burn energy and hide in, with a nice fenced in safe backyard to play in. The fence is a God sent by the way and I am thrilled to have that security for him. We will live in a suburban neighborhood with busy streets so the running will be a huge challenge and trying to establish boundaries. It seems like we have finally reached the boundaries here and will begin all over again. The places we go will be much bigger, louder, faster, and overwhelming for him at first and I know this will cause some distress until he adjusts. With all this he will also have more things to do and positive things coming his way.

                For now I know some of the things to expect but my mind is going into limbo until we are actually there and it is unfolding right in front of me. I don’t expect anything from him at this point because I can’t. One step at a time and right now the first step is to drive for nine hours and get to see in person our new home which my amazing mom and dad found for us. The drive alone is enough to worry about and jumping over that worry to the next will for sure send me right over the edge into crazy town. One step at a time with no expectations is the only way to breathe easy and stay calm.

                My next blog will not be until next week when we get our internet all set up. I have no doubt between now and then life is going to throw some interesting things our way. I am really hoping those interesting things bring laughter and excitement but there is always the chance I will take a detour into crazy town along the way. In fact…let’s just assume that is going to happen and hope it makes for a good story. I hope all of you have easy days ahead and until my next blog….please pray for my sanity and hearty sense of humor!

That dang cancer and words we should all take to heart.

              I did not write this. This is an email I received today from an angel in my life who has been fighting cancer for a long time. Not to long ago she told us all she was no longer going to spend her days sick and miserable, but living the rest of her days taking life in the best way she could. I wanted to share this because we take for granted the life we have everyday. Here are words from someone who is truly taking in life on a daily basis because she knows her time is short. Read it, feel it, and believe me every word is a lesson. We all have our battles in the world and if we are lucky we can have this view on life while we tackle them. My love to a wise and amazing women!

Dear friends, support group, Trusted confidants and THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T
Really give a damn but put up with my updates anyhow,

Over the last four months, life has changed once more. I'm leading a pretty
amazing life for someone who was given six months to live in September.
However, I did find out that is more an arbitrary time frame used to get me
in hospice care as soon as possible and not a true time frame. No one
really knows how long I will be around to irritate you all.

I have the best friends and my siblings have been coming through for me
these last couple of months. A mild fall with beautiful golden colors made
sitting in my nest an amazing visual feast. Life has been good.

I've had lots of time to think and consider the great mysteries of life.
I've decided there are no answers to any of life's questions and that's
where faith comes in. I have faith that the cardinal will lose his
brilliant red color, the gold finch will turn a drab olive brown, cold
weather is on its way, and that if we look for it, we are constantly
surrounded by the most amazing world.

I also believe that no matter how hard we try we can never please all of the
people all the time (however, that is still under advisement by a few poorly
informed types), we can please some of the people some of the time, and we
can please some of the people NEVER!!!! That one I know for a fact. And
so,my new outlook is that the only person we can really "please" is ourself.
Trying to please anyone else is pretty futile!

The rewards of truly loving and supporting our friends are astronomical!
So,for those of you who have decided I am an old woman without a lick of
sense, just pretend that I got into my Long Island Ice tea and that Madeline
and I are having a limitless party. (It's Lue's fault! That lady knows her
wine!)

For those of you who really care, I can't wait to see you again.

Meanwhile, my heart goes out to my sister who lost her husband on Monday but
is still unbelievably blessed with two sons, two daughters-in-law and three
grandchildren. Would that we were all so blessed to be surrounded by love
in all those really difficult times.

Meanwhile,remember, cancer isn't all bad! I can eat whatever I want,
whenever I want even though I can't taste much. But for those of you who
live in MN or own a plane, there is a bakery that moved down from
heaven,literally and set up shop in Plymouth with a second shop in Anoka
called Truffles and Tortes. I think I' walk barefoot through a blizzard to
get one of their raspberry tortes. Now, there's something worth dying for!
Of course, that is next to my sister-in-law's rice pudding, my sister's
"fresh lefse,". Brandy's caramel pecan rolls (which I'm told are as good as
my mother's ( a fact she still has to prove to me), all of Harriet's
cookies, which are being known in a five state area, my brother's jams and
butter bridle candy, Bruce's pearl onion dish, heaven is just a mouthful
away. Of course if you are blessed to life in fish and shellfish country,
you are already too blessed for your own good! Dungeness crab, halibut,
smoked salmon - you guys got to learn to share the wealth! You are already
living in heaven, after all!

Arlo, Mikey,Tasha, Widget continue to thrive and survive. We are all growing
older but I am so glad I'm not living with a thirty year old hunk of burning
love. I couldn't keep up!

We are doing great here! I got a high-class purple walker which doubles as
a chair on occasion. I'm trying to find the wooden cane Arlo made for his
Mother, and maybe at some point, I might need a wheel chair and all those
embarrassing bathroom accouterments.

Meanwhile, know that Arlo and I laugh and enjoy every positive moment we
are given,

There is one favor you can do for me - give one another a lot of love,
forget about past mistakes once you've learned whatever lesson you BOTH
needed to learn, and try your best to treat others the way you want to be
treated. Old ladies get to say all this stuff because when everything is
said and done, " all we need is love (and a big mouth)!"
(cue Beatles)

Love
Jeanette

P.S. I don't know if I'll be sending out another update, but even if I do,
you do NOT HAVE TO READ THEM. God willing and the creek don't rise, I might
even have something interesting to write about sometime in the near future!

Reply

The weaves of life....can you think of any?

                Life weaves together in such a mind blowing way and when I sit back and think about all of the changes and people I have been given in life it’s almost overwhelming. Lack of resources for our son is taking us back to where I grew up and having family support in daily life. For that I am grateful and who knows if that change would have come without the diagnosis. I like to think it would but the diagnosis cleared the road to home so to speak.

                Sharing an interesting story today that proves just how life weaves together in such a crazy way. I was adopted as an infant. From that the Brown family found me and that alone proves God is in my life. The gift of being given up for adoption by my mother and the gift of who found me was an amazing weave from the start. At twenty years old I searched for my biological family and found a group of equally amazing people. My aunts, my older brother and a little sister became an even more awesome addition to my life. Including all of the people that come with them and moving home is going to give us all a chance to have them in our lives as they should be.

                I met Phillips father four years ago, ten years after meeting my biological family, in Montana without knowing he had grown up in the same area as my biological brother. I learned of that quickly and asked him he knew my brother but it was a big area, in another state, and he couldn’t recall. Considering the odds of that I didn’t ask again but one day my brother called my house and Phillips dad answered the phone. We learned not only did they know each other but they had in fact been friends. Phillips dad had gone by a different last name at the time and it had been years, so the connection took a while to figure out.

                Simple break down, baby gets adopted. Grows up to find her biological family and miles away ends up having a child with her biological brother’s old friend? The odds of that happening are slim to none and the weave of life on that one is just amazing.

                Now we are getting ready to leave a town I never expected to live in to begin with, back home which I never expected to move back to in life. I gained a larger family while living here and made connections with people I will hold onto for the rest of my life. That connection was made by way of buying a house and an instant connection with the realtor. An amazing woman who I cherish daily and will stay connected to my entire life as she has become family to me. In that connection I found a house next a couple who I also consider family and also will stay in contact with through life. Both connections have been more than supportive ever since our autism journey began and our family in general. Life would not be the same if they hadn’t found a way into it, and the way in was only through chance.

                All of these connections weaved together in life and each one adding to a life story that wouldn’t be complete or even possible without them. It’s no secret I over think, but how everything weaves together and the connections in life are sometimes just to amazing to ignore. Over think your life just a bit and I can imagine you will find some weaves to important to ignore. Through bad and good it’s there and I say Thank God for that. Even if you don’t believe in God, you will still find the weave if you pay attention.

               

Seems like the day will never end, to bad it will!

               Yesterday was one of those days that just seemed like bed couldn’t come soon enough. Beginning with an early doctor’s appointment which the world around me refused to let us get to on time. After trying to wrangle some pee in a cup for testing then only finding a cup to put it in that I had little faith in and stuffing it in my pocket, we met the world’s longest slow moving train on the tracks to get to the highway. Once we reached the highway we met construction for nearly the entire seventeen miles to the clinic. We made it just in time to hold the appointment. The clinic has a great play area with toys that are perfect for a child who is on the spectrum. This gave him just enough to time to get totally focused on the toys before they called his name.  

                I made the mistake of bringing my coffee mug in with me so when his name was called I had to break his focus and wrestle him through the door. At this point I had a child that is all arms and legs putting up a fight from a too quick transition, a room full of spectators, clinging to a coffee mug that should have stayed in the van, and an questionably sealed cup of pee in my pocket.  At this point I gave the coffee mug to the nurse to carry. Since Phillip was already in battle mode I knew the rest of the appt would not go well. The nurse tried to weigh him and tried to check his vitals but we are now at the point touch is a problem. He was still focused on those fabulous toys I just yanked him away from.

                I offered the nurse the pee I had in my pocket for the UTI test and giggled when she put on a rubber glove before I handed it to her. Yes it’s gross but the journey the pee made without fail was a good sign she was safe.  In the end we ended up with our first prescription that is supposed to be given for seven days. The pharmacist said to me, it doesn’t taste that bad, as though it shouldn’t be a problem. Again I was given a giggle because unless it tastes exactly like tapioca pudding it’s not going to go down well ,if it goes down at all. We are on day two and I am going to have to call Monday for a different option because the medicine does in fact not taste like tapioca pudding.

                Once we finally made it home it was a constant and long day of Phillip wanting to take a bath as he figured out that was the only way to get relief from a painful UTI. The challenge with that is, when my son isn’t feeling his best some of those spectrum side effects shine through such as turning the bath water off. This is an old problem we conquered long ago but it came back full force. Five baths total for the day and each one we had complete upset when the water was shut off. One of which he became so out of control I had to remove him from the bathroom and put him in his room to calm down. To explain this challenge it has to do with sound of the water flowing. It runs long enough for him to get comfortable and then when I shut it down it is a frustrating fast change. If he feels unhealthy these fast changes are much harder for him to process. We had a full day of these challenges and mom was exhausted.

                By ten o’clock I was literally begging my son in my mind to pass out for the night and at ten thirty my silent begging paid off. I was craving my pillow more than a heroin addict craves a fix but there was my oldest son sitting on the couch watching movies. One thing I love is just a little free time to sit and talk with my older kids and what I love was staring me right in the face no matter how bad I wanted to go to bed. I sat up with my son watching an old movie, showing him some old comedy and having some good laughs. Soon it was midnight and I just couldn’t stay up any longer but the longest day ever ended perfectly. In fact I would say I am entirely grateful the day was as long as it was because just sitting around with my son seeing his smile and hearing him laugh was more than worth the time added to the day.

                A difficult exhausting day that ended with an hour and half of exactly what I needed to feel gratitude for endless day, and by midnight I felt as though the day just wasn’t long enough.

Wandering is a huge issue

http://healthland.time.com/2012/10/08/study-parents-receive-little-help-with-autistic-children-who-wander/

              The link above is an article my aunt sent me this morning I found very interesting on the subject of wandering. Do you have a wanderer? I sure do and I would say it is a constant issue when we leave the home. At home we have a routine, even outside, but when I step away or the routine changes outside he will just go and go. A huge worry for me when we are in a crowd or near roads but even at home he has given me a scare with his intense desire to investigate and not respond when I call for him. In fact I can’t even get us in a situation that I lose sight of him at all. I absolutely have to have a visual on him no matter what.

I remember the first time I realized how serious that visual needed to be taken and what it really meant. He was not diagnosed with autism yet and we were outside working in the yard. Phillip was just down at the edge of the house. I was digging weeds out of the flower bed and I took my eyes off of him for maybe thirty seconds. When I looked over he was gone and I assumed he had gone into the garage only a few feet away. I got up and walked to the garage saying his name but he wasn’t there. Then I assumed he made his way to the back of the house while I was walking to the garage so I continued around yelling his name. I wasn’t sure why I was yelling his name because I knew he wouldn’t answer, he never had.  Once I rounded the back side of the house and didn’t see him I started to panic, and really started yelling his name praying he would just make a sound for me to hear but nothing, just silence.

We live on the side of a mountain and our home is one story. The back yard is rather large and sits on somewhat of a flat off the mountain, but the forest is dense and lots of trees and brush to hide in. At the point I realized I had in fact lost him not only was I terrified and shocked from how fast it happened but I didn’t know what to do. If I was to run in my house to get the phone I may lose a chance to spot him or hear him and because he doesn’t respond that was the only way to find him. I stood there yelling for him for what was maybe seconds but to me it felt like an eternity. I noticed one of our shed doors was slightly open and that’s not a usual thing. Ran over still yelling by the way, looked inside and there he was. Standing there spinning a tire on a bike without a care in the world. He had been in this shed a few times and had wanted to get his hands on that bike so it made sense he went there to satisfy his desire to investigate. I can say I nearly had a stroke that day at the thought of him wandering the mountain side or even close by and me not seeing him. Wandering happens with any toddler but the lack of response is what frightens me the most. There has been a time he has simply stepped behind a large tree and I have frantically yelled for him with no reaction.

Wandering is a serious issue for kids with autism. Some are injured, lost for a long time, and even horrible accidents that end a life can come from wandering. No the child is not confused when the wandering begins. I think it’s an extreme focus and desire to investigate that can lead to dangers the child is unaware of. Preventing it is an unknown and no I have never heard anyone from his diagnosis on address this issue. I have learned therapy dogs are a very good way to prevent this from happening if you are lucky enough to have one available to you. Even in a public place a therapy dog will notify a parent when the child begins to go off track. I know with our own family dog, and she is no guide dog, he will follow. I can sometimes call the dog and he will turn around with her and stay within a safe distance.

I have considered the old backpack harness you see some kids wearing but he is nearly three and I am afraid I waited too long to introduce him to something like this. I always think about the news story a couple years ago with the woman dragging her child through the store.  It may have worked great if I had known early on this was going to be such a dangerous problem with his autism. I could have introduced it as soon as he started walking but I was unaware he had autism for one and for two the ego in me said I wasn’t putting my child on a leash. I was wrong big time on that one and introducing him to a harness early on would have made things much easier. Who knows, it may have even instilled a routine of staying close so when the time came he may have learned to stay within a safe distance. I would say anyone who has a new autism diagnosis and it’s early enough….get yourself a little monkey backpack with the leash and consider it a life saver and a fence, a nice big tall eye sore of a fence. Be very clear to anyone who cares for your child of just how much of a danger wandering can be and pray, pray a lot.

Every moment is temporary!

                My oldest child is 14 today and it’s an odd feeling because it just doesn’t feel like 14 years should have gone by already. I think about what we have all been through in the last 14 years and then I find hard to believe it all fit into only 14 years!

                What I really think about is what I have learned about being a mom that you just can’t find in any how to book at your local book store. The little things that really are timeless and customized between you and your children. To begin and any good parent knows this but when your child is born it’s the day you find out you knew nothing at all until that very moment. Every day to come is unpredictable and an adventure that never ends. By the time you become a parent you think you have love all figured out until you hold your child and it’s that moment you realize you had no idea what love was because you never knew anyone you would truly give up your life to protect until you held that little hand that can’t survive without you. The day your child is born is the day you are born.

                You learn sleep is optional and the things you can do without it are impressive and even though you have no idea when you will sleep again, you’re running on empty and kids are the fuel that keep you going.  Children’s shows are not annoying because sometimes seeing Barney dance saves the day. You underestimated the ability to grocery shop cheap and fast and nearly can’t remember how that works. Laundry is not ever going to get completely done so instead of trying to find the bottom of the pile you start taking pride in how clean it turned out. You become a human lie detector based on facial expression alone and mastered this ability to a point your child thinks you have super human powers. Your car will never be spotless two days in a row unless no one is allowed inside of it and sun block does in fact ruin a paint job on a vehicle. Rocks are not just rocks they are natural wonders that must be kept in a safe place for possibly years.  Flowers are cool and you should pick them all! A blanket is not just a blanket but a germ infested best friend that you can only wash very late at night. Satan is the co founder of Wal-mart, Toys R Us, and Chucky Cheese. If you have been to all three of these places with your children you have officially been to hell and back. Disneyland is in fact one of the wonders of the world and so are water slides.

                Pets are not just pets they have feelings and if for some reason you have to put one down you will be labeled a murderer for the rest of your life. Putting rainy day money away is essential because even the Tooth Fairy suffers from inflation. You will be told the 80’s are the olden days and no matter how much you try to deny it, it’s actually a painful truth. Super Nanny and Martha Stewart are fictional characters created for entertainment purposes only. Do not try to be either one unless you are being paid millions of dollars for you effort and you have a nanny of your own to make time for your perfection.

Final thought….Kids are the most amazing gift we can ever be given. They are full of honesty, wonder, and unconditional love that you teach them from the first day you hold them. No matter what is thrown at you enjoy every second and yes even the struggles create memories that you will cherish. I have two non autistic kids and one with autism. Each one of my children has taught me necessary lessons about life that I could never express how grateful I am to be able to learn. The differences between my children are never ending and all of those differences are extremely important no matter what they may be. Tackle the challenges as though they are temporary and cherish the awesome moments like they are temporary as well because it really is all exactly that. We are never promised tomorrow although many of us like to think we are, today is here and if you are reading this use today to consider what kind of parent or person in general you would be if you lived as though every moment is temporary.

Stupid Awesome Day...

                Today I am officially running on pure exhaustion. Thank God for mommy adrenaline and simple fact I have no option but to keep doing what I do. Maybe that is one thing I really love about being a mom, you can’t get out of it! It’s full time, nonstop and action packed, the perfect job for me. I can’t get bored, I have no idea who is going to say what, at least one of the kids shocks me on a daily basis one way or another, and I get to watch them decide what they want to be in this crazy world and how they will go about doing it. To me one of the greatest rewards as a parent is seeing the changes over the years take place. The good changes make you extremely proud and even how they handle the not so good changes give you a rewarding sense of pride.

                While the older kids are teenagers I still try to make a daily impact if I can that still makes me feel like mom is necessary for more than a ride and a few dollars. This is not easy because the reality is some days that really is the only reason they need me.

                I bought a white board for my toddler thinking the instant erase and start over tactic would hold his attention. I have learned with the twist of autism, you can think all you want to and it still only has a 50/50 chance of being affective.  This idea was not effective so, I turned it into a positive board that I write a positive message on to keep spirits up. Maybe teenagers won’t listen when you want them to, but a bright sign on the wall can’t go totally ignored. Before school began I wrote on the board to have a fantastic awesome day and keep a smile on. Just before bed I noticed my positive sign had been tampered with.

                Someone has changed fantastic to stupid and smile to frown. I asked both kids who had put the negativity on my positive board and come to find out they both took part in mucking up my inspiring words. Both kids thought it was funny and couldn’t help but blame each other. Of course I gave a joking mom lecture about staying positive and keep the nasty negativity off the happy board. Both kids were laughing and off to bed. As I was walking down the hall I told them both to have a stupid awesome day at school. Little did they know the joke was on them in their attempt to oppress my happy white board.

                I sat down with a smile on my face because I knew they had to read it before they changed it and the simple fact they worked together.

                Impact for the day? Check!  Mom is still necessary? Check! Mom’s parental reward? Big solid check!

What I love about autism....Yes, LOVE!

 

                 Today I am digging into what I love about autism. The reason is simple, it’s easy to hear the complaints, challenges, and frustrations about this topic but there is so much to love I can’t ignore it and I don’t want others to think it doesn’t exist. There is one very important aspect of autism that I am very thankful for.

                This is a picture of my son and to someone else it simply looks like a picture of a boy playing in rocks. There is much more to this picture and it’s not just a boy distracted by rocks. In fact I am not even sure distracted would be the right word. Intrigued seems more appropriate because once he stepped on these rocks he heard the sound they made from his feet connecting and the rocks moving. He felt the difference between solid ground and the movement of the rocks. He could see there was hundreds of them and took time to inspect them. He could see each one was a bit different and when he moved his foot through them he could feel the way they engulfed his foot. Once he was done moving his feet through them he used his hands to feel the textures and tossed them to hear the sound when they landed.

                What one person may see as distracted I see as an intense interest in every detail of the smallest things we ignore while we go about our days. If I removed him too quickly he would protest, not because he is a “brat” but because he wasn’t given the time to investigate. Once he is able to inspect the situation he is content to leave. I absolutely love this about his difference! To many times it would be considered odd, but what’s odd to me is a mind that needs to inspect, learn, and soak in every detail is considered flawed.

                I love watching my son do these things and it happens nearly every day. No matter how many times we go outside he finds something new to carefully inspect and figure out. A rock, texture of dirt, bark on a tree, the feeling of grass, or how to manipulate the movement of water on a hot day. These are just a few things I know he sees but I also know there is much more my mind can’t keep up with and he isn’t able to tell me about yet.  The average person doesn’t pay attention to any of this because we are so wrapped up in the social world we don’t even see the fine points that are passing us by.

                Every day my son with autism reminds me to live in a way that doesn’t miss the details. That in the madness of man there are things all around us we are missing because our average minds overlook them. Every time I hear the word autism I think about this and how it has expanded my view on life for the better. How it has given me the reality check I needed to slow down and stop getting so caught up in the foolishness of life. I notice everything now, because in order to keep up with him I have to do what I can to see the world the way he does. I have a really hard time considering this a disability although I know that is what it is considered.

                Step outside and feel the wind hit your face and the sun warm you up with its bright light. Notice the branches on the trees move and a bird fly by. Feel the ground under your feet and how the feeling changes with different textures. Hear the sounds all around you and the smells that change everywhere you go. Then ask yourself if this way of seeing the world is a disability or a reminder of the tiny details we let pass us by while we are checking our text messages and trying to keep up with the madness of man.

Cure For Autism? Nah...We love him just the way he is.

                Is Autism a curse or flaw? Well according to some media our there it could be considered that. Does it need to be cured? Also according to some media it does. I have read the wildest theories that have gone as far as a biblical curse attached to a father's sins. To me this is all crap for lack of a better word. There is so much of it you find yourself feeling like you’re covered in it and you need to wash it off so your mind can get back to a clean healthy way of thinking.

                In this entire bad media, that even some parents of autism are pushing, I always wonder what this is doing to children and adults who have the difference. I know when I come across articles about ADD that push it as a difference that needs medical attention such as drugs, I feel a bit sad. If we go on all the hype attached,  we as a society are trying to medicate or treat everyone into a state of conformity so the greater population is comfortable with our being.

                Doc says take this prescription and see if it helps. If that doesn’t do it we will try something else. Your brain chemistry is too different for others to understand so let’s mix it up a bit and see if we can adjust you. I have had ADD as far back as I can remember and I have learned it runs in my family. When I think back do I wish someone would have treated me for it? No, my only wish is that there was an understanding I needed a different approach. One that helped me to understand myself so I wouldn’t feel like I was defective when I did something that didn’t make sense.  Now that I am older I tend to be grateful for some of the chaos that has made life interesting. I wouldn’t change it in any way. We need to understand difference is not a defect and many adults and children accept they way they are. Maybe one day society in general will follow suit and stop spreading information that causes someone who has autism to feel they aren't OK. Not all people with autism are nonverbal and they do have an opinion on how they feel about themselves. Much like nonverbal who just can't share how they feel directly. Hard to believe but some autistics love being autistic! It's who and how they are and we need to allow them to feel that way because there is no reason not to. There are parents who completely accepting of autism another fact that may be hard to believe but yes, it is embraced all the time;)

                If someone knocked on my door right now and offered me a “cure” for my son’s autism, I would escort them off this mountain in a not so pleasant way. I don’t for one second see my son as flawed or diseased. I also don’t, in any way, feel that he needs to conform to make the greater population comfortable. The looks he may get for being active so to speak are not because he is autistic. It’s because people in general don’t accept what they don’t understand. Those raised eyebrows we get are because of what they see about him but I have no doubt those people have some issues that would raise an eyebrow or two if they had to wear their own differences on the outside for all to see.

                If was asked what caused autism in my son, according to all the information out there, my answer would be…I am old, dad is old, we cut the umbilical cord to fast, we are mutants, the government is after my child, I had gestational diabetes, and dad is a sinner. Or I could answer the way I actually see it.

                Who cares! What I am actually thinking about is how to cause progress and an amazing life for him. He wears his difference on the outside when he gets excited or is trying to process. The rest of us are just pushing our differences down inside so no one can see them.  Which one sounds like a healthier way to live to you?

"Off with an unrealistic sense of optimism" The Lorax

                  Could it be happiness really is just a state of mind so many people don’t understand is an easy place to get to? Ok, maybe not easy but easier than it seems. Yesterday was a day I was dreading in every way. A long drive to a busy place to school clothes shop and manage an autistic 3 year old in thick crowds of unfriendly people. When I woke up in the morning I made a firm decision I was going to have fun no matter what came at us for the day. To make a long story short, that is exactly how the day went. All three kids were extremely well behaved. There was laughing and very few battles over clothes and when we arrived home at nearly 11pm we all felt like we had a great day.

                Only once did an unfriendly bystander seem to disagree with the behavior of Phillip and to be honest she made me laugh. He was running and making noise and the look on her face had to be painful her one eyebrow was lifted so high in her forehead. Actually it was a bit impressive the face she was making. It never broke even when I smiled at her and her ability to speak with her face was one like no other I have seen before.

                I have faced some grueling struggles in this life and some I could say I wasn’t sure I would survive. At one point in my life I really didn’t see any purpose to my being whatsoever. I had allowed people to hurt me in so many cruel ways I nearly lost any sense of my own worth. This happened over and over again and in my head I just couldn’t understand it. I had wondered if it was just life coming at me for whatever reason. Not so…it was me having no understanding that I had much more control than I knew. Maybe life was going to throw some mud in my face from time to time but I had the ability to control how it affected me and my reaction to everything. I could either sit around feeling sorry for myself or I could battle back and decide if this is what is going to happen, than this is what I am going to do about it and feel confident in my reaction.

                I suppose when my son was diagnosed with autism it didn’t feel like the end of the world for me because I had already been to the end of the world a few times and this was just no comparison. Was it difficult and completely overwhelming? Yes of course it was. He is my son and a life struggle from the start was not what I wanted for him ever. At the same time if I looked at the diagnosis as the end of the world I knew that is exactly what it would be. If I dwelled on the negatives so would he and that option was just not ok with me.

                Yesterday when I woke up with the state of mind it was going to be a great day it was basically a warning to any negatives that came our way. I am ready and the day is ours, no negatives allowed. Choosing to have that attitude was the first step to making it happen. I believe that is a contagious feeling to those you are closest to. No we can’t have total control, but we do always have more than we think we do. Once you fine tune that ability the surprises start rolling in. Struggles will always come but everyone has the ability to decide push on with their very own customized reaction. The world around you can’t dictate that and considering we have our own customized case of autism around here, I think one important lesson any kind of social therapy can’t offer him is the strength in reaction to difficult times. The guidelines to this are in example and feeling the affect and in no way is that limited to my son but every person or child we are blessed to have in life.

                My favorite line from the Lorax movie… “I was off with an unrealistic sense of optimism!”

Warning Label! Abilites! Do not Ignore....

               Yesterday was a day of reflection for me. We have plans to move and I have begun to clean out things we don’t need. Along with that comes discovering things you have. My daughter kept me company while I sifted through boxes full of random stuff and my little man played contently in the dirt, without eating it for once.

                Books, pictures, drawings from my older kids when they were little, and lots of memories came flowing back. Some things carried a memory with it but at 35 years old there was no chance I would recall what the memory was. Or we would find something that gave me a small glimpse like a beach would come to mind and an hour later I would remember a family trip the item came from. Thank God for that hour later or it may have driven me crazy trying to recall.

                In the bottom of one box I found a couple of old cassette tapes from very early on in my childhood. My grandmother on my dad’s side would read books and tell stories. She would record herself and send it in the mail. My grandmother was a very powerful source in my life and passed when I was a teenager, a selfish teenager who never took the time to let her know how she impacted my life. I still remember her like it was yesterday. Her kind lap to sit on and listen to stories she had memorized from books and the enthusiasm she would have when she told those stories that would not allow my mind to wander away from the places her stories took me.  To me she had super powers for being able to hold onto my mind the way she did and even though she was stern and didn’t take any guff, she had a nature that made a child feel safe and home. Even if it was just a visit with her I always felt like she gave me a gateway to a world inside books. She encouraged me to write and write a lot and never stop using my imagination. Until my teenage years hit that is exactly what I did because she had shown me it was a way to slow my mind down.

                 I don’t think my grandmother ever knew how she affected me this way. Even when I come across an old book that may be worth holding onto, I have a rule of thumb. If grandma would have encouraged me to read it, it’s worth keeping. She never knew my mind was always running circles and if she would have it wouldn’t have mattered to her. She would have treated me the same way with no excuses.

                I put one of those tapes in my cassette player, and yes I still have one, and there she was. Her enthusiasm and storytelling came right back to me years later. The smile on my face was literally because it was as easy as hearing her voice again to take me back 25 years or more and feel that encouragement all over again. At the same time I looked at my autistic son whose mind is much busier than mine ever was and remembered an important lesson grandma didn’t know she taught me. Every child has unstoppable abilities no matter what obstacles are in the way. They just need a cozy lap to sit on and a quiet voice to help them pull it out and use it. No matter what the world has labeled us with, the ability should never be overlooked.

                What if we lived in a world we didn't label what is considered a flaw and only had labels that gave everyone a warning as to what we are capable of?

Powers Out....Thank God.

                We are way too plugged in and yes I am sitting at my laptop getting ready to make a technology speech. Our power went out last night for a few hours and at first I felt a little frustrated with the situation. Then it just got so quiet and real I started to enjoy it a bit. All three of my kids where sitting in the living room with me and nothing to do but talk and laugh. No TV, computer, phone etc…just each other and some not so great flash lights. After a while I started think I should flip the main breaker every once in a while just to clear the chaotic technology smog we are all living in and bring us all together with nothing to do but entertain each other.

                Have we become a society so reliant on technology we have forgotten how to rely on each other? Have we given technology so much power to educate, that people are forgetting how to do it themselves. We have smart phones, smart cars, smart this and smart that but what the world is running out of smart people. Kids would rather text than talk and our cars tell us what to do. Don’t get me wrong if it wasn’t for technology I wouldn’t be able to blast my babble to whole free world but when is the time to step back and get our humanity back.

                Man is so hell bent on advancing that sometimes it seems we have advanced ourselves into giving our advancements total control over us. Along the way humanity is being drained out of our society along with the ability to think. What can we expect when we leave all of our thinking up to technology which has no feeling or empathy. Soon we become more like it and forget how to be human ourselves. A scary thought when you really sit back and think about it. Trust me…I do this a lot.

                I pads are in big demand for people with autism and it really is changing lives for some who could never and may never speak. My son has the ability to speak and will with time. I thank God for that and with patience it will come. Do I want an I pad for him? Sometimes I do in all honesty but other times I am reluctant to allow him to be so attached to technology he isn’t able to learn humanity and empathy. I will use technology to help him no doubt about that but I don’t want to see any of my children become so reliant on it they forget what being human consists of. Something you can never find on the internet, get from a smart phone, find in an Xbox, or download. Empathy, care, communication, and the ability to think. 

                At the end of the day I think we all need to push through a power outage from time to time or just go flip and main breaker and remember what it is like to need each other. Take the time to just shut it all off and focus on each other. After spending a few hours in the dark with three awesome kids and a couple of barely working flashlights...I could go for a power outage at least once a week! Or more;)

Bullying Will Never End...Reaction is Action!

                 School is beginning for everyone and it’s a hustle for those are getting ready. School supplies, clothes, schedules, and stress in many cases. Lots to do and lots to think about for parents and kids. One of the things parents with an autistic child have to worry about is bullies, and this is not just something a parent of autism thinks about. With all the end bullying campaigns and public awareness on how to deal with it, it is still very real and never ending. There will always be the nature of the beast in school or the adult world.

                We see so much on YouTube, facebook, and the news on a daily basis about someone being treated horribly. More often than not it’s on video because someone felt it was a better idea to record than step in and help. I can’t say back before all this technology is was any better but it does seem like it has just gotten worse as far as empathy for others in this crazy world. Younger generations are failing to relate to each other on a human level and seem to find more entertainment in watching others being hurt than they do helping someone. There is fear in standing up against a group of bullies and sometimes ignoring it is a survival instinct. An understandable survival instinct but we have to teach our kids it’s not just about survival.

                It’s about living and living right. The impact we can have on one person just by stepping up and giving them a little more strength when they are already being broken is huge. Bullies typically work in strength by numbers there is no reason why anyone should have to tolerate it standing alone. One life can be touched in an amazing way just by feeling what they might be feeling and letting them know the numbers can work in their favor to. Standing up for someone doesn’t always have to be a verbal act or taking on a crowd in the name of kindness. It can be a simple act of sitting next to someone or sparking up a conversation to distract the situation. Trying to set some of kind of example as a human being that others can see and one day learn from.  Teaching our kids one day the social rankings that apply in school end when life begins and acts of kindness can actually be carried with you all through life. With an impact that will last long after their school years are over.

                This doesn’t just apply to autism because we all know the social challenges kids with autism face on a daily basis, this applies to every person on the planet. If you don’t know how to talk to your kids about bullies have them read this before the school year begins and remind them popularity ends and humanity continues on. It’s a choice to be kind and leave a mark in someones life they won’t forget or even just help them feel people care simply because they can. Bullying will never end and it’s a reality for all kids and adults. We can’t control that but we can control how we react. Reaction is a powerful way to take action and it may be a risk but a risk to be proud of.

A Lesson Learned From A Stranger...An Adorable Stranger.

                The things you don’t see coming are my favorite moments in life by far. Today Phillip and I went to a nearby town to do some work and then to the local fountain at the park to play. Perfect set up for him as there is a fence built around it so no running, or running to far anyway. He hasn’t had a chance to play here and I wanted to see how he would like it. There was a party getting ready to begin for a 4 year old and no one had shown up yet so only a couple kids so far. Looked to me to be an older couple who had adopted some kids with differences and I liked that simply because if Phillip did something a bit different there would be total understanding from them.

                Phillip ran and played and loved the fountain more than I expected him to. Two kids were playing with him or around him. One little boy who was maybe 4 or 5 was very friendly and took to me like he had known me all his life. An adorable little guy and clearly was just born with a good nature to him. He tried desperately to get Phillips attention over and over but the water wouldn’t allow him to break free of his focus. The little boy was getting a bit frustrated with the situation and finally came over and sat down next to me.

                He said to me, “why won’t he listen to me?” I told him it is hard to get his attention sometimes. He swung his little legs and was thinking for a moment and asked “why doesn’t he talk?” I said “He hasn’t figured it out just yet, but he will.” Again he swung his legs deep in thought and watching Phillip run and scream in excitement but ignoring most of the other kids who began to show up. Then the next question came “is there something wrong with him?” and again I responded “no, he just sees the world a little different then you and I do. It’s called autism.” Again he sat swinging his little legs deep in thought or maybe at this point he had run out of questions to ask. Quickly he got is energy back to run in the water again and asked me if I would hold his glasses so they don’t get wet. I smiled and told him to just set them next to me and I would keep them safe.

                This is the moment he took off his very thick glasses and I could see his eyes were severely crossed without them. Off he ran to play and gave up trying to get Phillips attention.  Lesson of the day….no matter what the difference is that we all have, there may be a way to relate one way or another. Our differences aren't always noticeable and we may not understand each other but we just have to sit down, swing our legs, and ask some questions.

               

ADD and SPD Helping Each Other.

                Can one disorder help another? Yes in my opinion and experience it certainly can. I have had ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) as long as I can remember undiagnosed and disorder really would be the correct way of describing it. Constant disorder and it took nearly 35 years to acknowledge it. Of course I didn’t begin that process until not too long ago and so much of my life has been consumed with chaos, quick decisions, not getting things done, and on the positive side, adventure. I had just accepted I would always be this way. A way that made teachers repeat the same comment to me over and over. You lack focus is what I was always told. You’re not trying hard enough was a constant as well but my response in my mind was always “maybe you’re not teaching good enough” because the teachers that understood my lack of focus never lost my attention. No matter what I was always judged and never understood.

                When SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder or Autism) came into my life I had to adjust in several ways and keep up my son in ways I never imagined. My dad and I giggled on the phone the other day about how I have had to adjust from my difference to his. Of all the things God has thrown at me and I have looked up to the sky and said “I sure hope you know what you are doing” this was certainly one of them. Just hearing the words schedule, organize, plan ahead, and repeat made my head want to explode and convinced me God really does have a sense of humor to throw this challenge at me.

 I require no order whatsoever and my son requires order 100% of the time. I have spent my entire life not knowing what will happen next and to be honest I enjoy that. Not an option with SPD, what will happen next is very important for him to feel at ease. I have almost zero planning skills or so I thought and now I find myself on edge if a plan is not in effect.

All kids require a certain amount of all of these things but with SPD it can seem a bit extreme. Maybe extreme to one person but creating a balance for another person. In the beginning I was very overwhelmed and worried I would not be able to do for him what needed to be done. It seemed like so much of what I was not made of and how would I ever be able to get my mind in the order it needed to be in for him. Well, slowly it just started to evolve in a positive way because I had no choice. If I didn’t find a way I would never be able to understand him. On the other hand my ADD has given his SPD benefit to. I know it’s ok to push some limits and step outside the box and that he will need to learn that in life. Adventure is to important to run away from and I want him to be able to embrace it even if it requires some change and disorder.

Could it be in a world full of medications, interventions and judgments two differences that are complete opposite of each other also are an answer to strengthen each other? In the case of my son and me the answer is yes in so many ways. Two labels considered a flaw in society that actually needed each other to create a balance. Now there is something to really think about!

               

The Most Important Early Intervention!

                Sometimes I am asked how I have been able to handle my son having autism so well, and to be honest I have wondered that myself at times. The truth is the day of and after his diagnosis that was not the case.  I was a mess in every way. Crying and scared for him, but through my tears I saw a little boy who was not crying. He didn’t care If he had autism or not and he was waiting for me to feel the same way he did. Thank God I realized this as quickly as I did and it didn’t take long for me to snap out of my sadness. I had already learned so much from him I needed to pay attention to his complete acceptance of himself. Yes, he is only a toddler so how would he understand right? To me that was the beauty of it. Born this way and so far he is completely accepting of that. As his mom I knew it was my job to do whatever I could to keep him feeling that way.

                I have a general rule in life and I have had to use it many times. Have a good cry and get it out, then take a deep breath, gather your thoughts and move forward. After all it’s really the only choice you have and how you choose to do it will determine just how your spirit will feel while you’re leaving whatever struggle just hit behind. Or in the case of autism, moving forward with it being a daily part of our life.

                One thing you will always read or hear about with autism is early intervention. Take action right away and that will create the greatest outcome. I think one statement everyone in the autism community agrees on completely. For me that wasn’t just about therapies and what you would consider your typical intervention. It began with that first step in my own mind to take a deep breath and move forward in a completely accepting way. I would even go as far as saying this was the first and most important early intervention I could give him. Not only would that show the people closest to him to do the same but I just didn’t see a way to move forward without doing that.

                Doing that one small thing would not only set the bar for how he feels about himself but for every source of intervention that was to come his way from that point on. His first therapy appointments I heard a lot of, autistic kids don’t do that. Let’s work on this and that so he can learn to be more socially adjusted. I am not autistic but the two words socially adjusted have always made me giggle. What comes to mind is, when you’re done with him can you help me and hundreds of other people I can think of?

                I was his first early intervention and fixing his autism was not how we would be moving forward. Finding what his autism can bring to his life and building on that was and is what we will be doing. As far as socially adjusted goes we will work on that to but I don’t see either one of us receiving our etiquette diploma anytime soon.  Being a little socially different is not a curse but if you really take a good look at society in general I would consider this a gift. One I have been grateful to have most of my life and if I do things right he will grow up to feel the same way.