Simple, Yet Never Simple

  

     Years ago a simple, yet never simple, trip to the grocery store was literally the only time we left the house. Nearly every single day we went to our local Safeway and it was typically a very difficult event.  Almost every trip, Phillip would meltdown.  Sometimes this happened on the way, as soon as we walked in, in the produce department, or in the car as we left.  No matter what, it always happened and I always knew it would happen as we left the house. Regardless we made those trips and some days we didn't even buy anything.  I just followed him around the store trying to figure out how to help him and hoping I would figure out how.

 

 

  These trips were essential no matter how painful at times.  Essential for him to learn how to cope and essential for me to learn all the things he was trying to cope with. From those daily trips we discovered parking in the same area was important because he needed to know this was going to happen.  It eased him as so many repeat things did and still do.  We discovered he needed a guide to get through the parking lot calmly. A landmark so to speak and that was the big orange speed bump he still uses 4 years later as a bridge across the parking lot.  Once we entered the store we discovered the order we walked mattered to him.  If we hit the left side of the store first yesterday, well, it needed to be the same today.  Then of course the Safeway employees gave me a huge gift without knowing it and the free cookie at the bakery began.  Four years and even when he didn't have the words to ask, those awesome employees would open cookies for him so he almost has never gone without.  They really have no idea how much that helped us in the long run!

 

 

   Never once leaving that store in total distress did anyone treat us badly and yes, that happens a lot to autism parents. Any parent in a moment of crisis can be judged quickly.  No matter what was happening we have always been met with smiles, kind chit chat, and of course a free cookie.  So many times an autism parent will experience an event that is out of their hands and maybe never go back.  So many times we are tormented with worry that everyone around our child in that moment thinks we are a non effective parent or much worse, they might think poorly of our child.  At least with a fresh diagnosis it can feel that way. It takes time to stop giving a damn what anyone thinks and there is a ton of freedom for all in that.

 

   When we feel like we can go back and keep trying, it's a huge win for our kids. It's an opportunity to overcome whatever took us down the last time.  It's a chance to win this autism ride.  Four years later a trip to the store is now almost always a positive event.  We leave laughing instead of crying 99% of the time but he is an 8 year old and sometimes being told no to a chocolate bar after a free cookie really is the end of the world.