The sibbling effect of autism

                The sibling effect of autism can be a hard one. A choice they don’t have and I can only imagine when my kids discovered they were going to have a baby brother, a brother with a tricky complicated difference was not what they had in mind. My kids have been the most accepting people I know when it has come to Phillip being different and I couldn’t be more proud of them for that but that doesn’t mean it’s not a huge struggle for them.

                From the time it takes for mom to keep up to the sleepless nights in the beginning and having to get up and tackle school barely able to move. They have pushed through with all the love in the world for him.  I can see the pressure they feel when the rest of the world just doesn’t get it.  Going out in public with him for me is a challenge but I push on and feel cause to celebrate when it goes well but I am an adult and 35 years later I could care less what people think. At 12 and 14 this is not so easy.

                Yesterday we ran some errands after school and my oldest son decided to go home while my daughter came with us to get some supplies for a school project. We went to a craft store and Phillip didn’t handle the processing very well to say the least. Long story short a wall of canvas came crashing down and then Phillips mind came crashing down. I handed my daughter the money to pay and I scooped him up to head to the van. Of course this happened at the back of the store so I had to wrestle him into my arms and carry him out screaming and trying to hit me all the way through. He had calmed a bit when my daughter came out but we had one more stop to make.

                That is when my daughter said to me “how about you go in alone this time and I will stay in the van with Phillip.” As much as I hate to give in to that I agreed. What I had a hard time with was my daughter just not wanting to be gawked at by the public eye and we both knew that was the reality for the day. I hate that sometimes my children really do feel embarrassed by what can happen. They are young and I understand it’s hard but it’s not really Phillip that causes that feeling, its society’s rude stares and the judgment. Knowing strangers are staring at you is hard to deal with and at 12 and 14 even more difficult.

                At the end of the day we are a family like everyone else laughing at a funny toddler, eating dinner at the table together talking about homework and the events of the day. Rooting each other on when the challenges of life are tackled with pride and grace. Even when the days are hard for the older kids they play such a key role in how their little brother sees the world. He is learning love, patience, and care from them just as much as he learns from mom and dad.  No matter what fuels the offer to stay in the car when a hard day hits, it’s the fact he has the love from an older sister who will stay with him when the world has become too much for both of them really.

                Autism siblings everywhere you are awesome in all you do and even though things may not have gone how you imagined before autism hit, your grace and love are teaching something very important. A lesson all of those people staring at you could use a huge dose of. You’re making this crazy world a better place and the adults you will become will not be anything like the ones you want to avoid on a hard day. At a much less number of years in life, you are already much better at living it and showing your younger brothers and sisters how it’s done.