Yesterday I decided to take Phillip to the book store for
something to do. They have a large children’s section and of course they have a
fun place to play set up with a train table and Thomas train set. Perfect for
his mechanical mind and I thought the quiet environment would be easy for him.
As we walk in I know I am not getting him to the back of the store so easily
with so many inviting things to investigate. I personally wanted to stop and
look around but we had a goal and we weren’t going to get there if I didn’t
fight that urge. I picked him up right away and carried him to the children’s
section. Once we got there he was in train table heaven. Score!
Here is
when the problem began and I could see it immediately. Phillip loves to see how
things work and he will inspect it for a bit then move on but there is a not so
fine line between inspect and intense focus. Inspect means he needs a little
time to check things over and once he has figured it out he can walk away.
Intense focus is broken only one way and it’s not pleasant, by force. I knew
the moment he ignored the other children and did not break eye contact with the
system of the train tracks we were in trouble. At this point there was nothing
else in the room in his mind and even mom becomes totally irrelevant. I was
actually full of envy when a parent stopped for a 5 min break and left and we
sat through four of these encounters.
I let
him play for a very long time hoping at some point I would see a break in the
focus I could jump in and let him know we were all done but the break wasn’t
coming. I started to realize the only way out of the store was very far away
and knew we were in for a long haul to the van when I grew brave enough to do
it. That was when a pack of mommies with strollers built up so large it
appeared they were planning for a week long stay in the mall rounded the
corner. Each stroller was also packed with loud and excited children, yelling
and ready to be unleashed. This intimidating and loud group broke the intense
focus, but Phillip also slowly grabbed the two trains he had been focusing on
and activated his toddler vice grip.
He knew
things had just become too much and did walk away from the group and the table
but he is also a three year old who was enjoying his time and didn’t want to
leave. I ended up once again carrying him to the exit that seemed a mile away
in full protest. His autism was working against him in regard to the focus and
loud mob, but his desire to play was also kicking in. We were in fact in a no
win situation no matter how we tried to leave and I knew it long before the
mommies rounded the corner. Although they did help to give me a moment of
opportunity even if it didn’t appear that way to the people watching us leave.
I think
we all have a bit of those autism traits in us. The desire to touch things we
think are cool, the distractions that bother us when we try to focus, the
awareness of a busy and sometimes loud world, and the desire to learn what we
don’t know. Sometimes we take the opportunity to slow down and really take a
look at the world around us but most of the time we are all in a busy rush and
don’t see what we could be taking a closer look at. Phillip’s difference has
forced me to do this because I would never understand him if I didn’t. His mind
just doesn’t allow him to ignore cool things or transition so easily. Even though I was in fact full of envy over
those parents that stopped for a 5 min break and moved on easily, this morning
Phillip jumped on his bed and his blankets were a mess. He also fixed those
blankets perfectly when he was done without me telling him to, can’t even say I
would have. I think if some people could see those positive traits they might
have a little envy to.
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