Coping with a difference he can't explain

                It seems as quickly as I figure out my sons little quirks; they change on me just as fast. Bath time is a good example of these changes because bath time has given me ideas as to how important his desire can be to have things a certain way and how quickly it can change.

                Phillip has a very strict bath time routine. He has the same toys he has always had and no, he does not allow new ones. No matter what it may be it is not allowed to break the routine of yesterday’s bath. For a long time he would get very upset if I placed him the bath tub while the water was running and shut it off. Sometimes so upset when the flow of the water stopped we had to just call it quits. He has gotten over this but it took months for that to happen.

                He has ten toys he takes in with him and one toy must sit in the side of the tub. That toy cannot be in the water and he doesn’t play with it. Typically he wants me to lift him into the bath but lately I have simply turned my back to him and he gets in himself. He could do this all along but mom was playing into the routine a bit too much. He also has a bucket the toys go into that he gets himself and puts the toys in the bath but once he does this he waits for me to dump the few drops of water out of the bottom of the bucket into the sink before he gets in. I will tell you this must be done and if it is not it puts a kink in the entire process.

                Once he is done in the bath he used to stay in the tub and we would count the toys as we put them back in the bucket. If we stopped before ten he would search for the toys to ensure we reached the right number. Then he would get out, on his own, and I drain the bathtub. For the past few weeks he has changed his routine and now he gets out of the bathtub first, then we count the toys and put them in the bucket. He no longer seems to care about the process of draining the tub so he is letting go of something and I see that as a good thing.

                Here is the part that will give a clear view of how set his mind is on the way it is done. Today we walked into the bathroom and a washcloth was hanging on the faucet. The same washcloth that he uses for his bath, but the washcloth was in the wrong place. On a normal day the washcloth is in the bucket with his toys under the sink. He took the washcloth off of the faucet, opened the cupboard and put it in the bucket. Then he pulled the bucket out and started putting his toys in the bathtub, right along with the washcloth that was just in the bathtub.

                I see things like this and it explains the other side of meltdowns and how the smallest thing can be so important to his routine and how his mind works. The easiest way to explain why he does this and why it works for him is if you know what to expect there is very little to process. Autism is considered a processing disorder in regard to being able to process an overwhelming world around the child. If a child knows what is happening next then it has already been processed, it's easier. It’s not always so simple of course but he knows what helps him so I watch and learn from him. His mind is set to do it a certain way and every once in a while he can change it up a bit, but very small changes and those small changes stick around a long time. It becomes the next routine and I never know when it will come, it just does and I am happy for him when he is able to do it. It means he has gained just a bit of the control and comfort he needs to break away. It also means he is coping with a difference he can’t explain.