There are some big differences between raising a child on
the spectrum and raising children who are not. One of the biggest differences I
have found is being able to let go of some of that control as a parent. Just
some of it because you still have to be the parent but some little things are
ok to just let go. Lately our control struggle has been clothes and Phillip
prefers to be without them.
Over time I have had to pay
attention to the signals he gives me and work with them. He hasn’t slept in
clothes in over a year and one blanket he prefers over the other. He can be in
a sound sleep and if I place the unfavored blanket over him thinking he might
be cold, it wakes him. So, I don’t bother with that blanket anymore. Even if I
barely cover his feet, he wakes. He
taught me what will help him and to be honest help me get as much sleep as I
can. We went from waking up all night long over and over to a sound sleep, as
long as I am able to push back my mommy desire to put pajamas on him or cover
him while he sleeps. The good side to this is I never buy pajamas for him; the
bad side is some of those pajamas are very cute and I can’t buy them.
At home
he is diaper only. He knows now when the clothes come out we are getting ready
to go somewhere and I have learned to sing a silly song with each item of
clothing to get them on peacefully. My family thinks this is a humorous tactic
but it works and if it works with humor, even better. He is three so when someone is over and he
has taken his freedom to a new level, meaning naked, well then it has gone too
far so we keep putting the diaper back on and I am always pleased when it stays
on for an extended period of time.
The
other day I left Phillip with my folks so I could go run an errand he just
couldn’t tag along for. My parents know all too well about the clothing protest
with Phillip and thankfully they are also two of the most patient loving people
alive. I felt it was best to take him to their house as the environment would keep
his mind busy longer than at home. I know at home they would be dealing with a
boy without his clothes for sure because he takes them off as soon as he gets
in the door, but other places he has distractions for a time before this
happens.
The day
went perfectly for everyone and when I returned I was glad to see Phillip was
still dressed keeping himself busy but his pants kept falling down so my dad
rigged his pants to stay up. The drawstring on his pants had been tied to the
button on his jacket and I found this to be hilarious! Phillip didn’t know and
didn’t care or at least he didn’t seem to know. I had a hard time getting the
knot undone but that was even more entertaining because typically I am trying
to get clothes on him, not off of him.
Sometimes it’s ok to let go of some of that
parental control and even better when you can improvise to make things work! Most important is to pay attention to the
signals and work with them. The mommy desire that eats at us to have things a
certain way can actually be irrelevant when it comes to what we need to. I want
him to wear clothes and put on some cute Toy Story pajamas but he needs to be
without, so we compromise and improvise. It may seem when my three year old is
streaking by at home for the 25th time today that I have not
practiced my parental control but if we slept sound last night and he agreed to
wear clothes out of the house with a little help from a silly song, we have
success!
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