Is Bully a Strong Enough Word?

                 I haven’t posted lately basically because my mind has been going in so many directions I haven’t been able to pin one topic down. Something does weigh on me all the time especially when I think about my son in the public school system. Any school system for that matter is a fear for me as a parent. He doesn’t have the social skills he is going to need yet, and I can only pray he gains them before he faces a school setting.

                Bullying has been a topic lately everyone is paying attention to and as a parent of three children there is no way I can ignore it and don’t want to. Every time I see a story about bullying I always feel like “bully” just isn’t the word anymore that describes what is happening with kids. Twenty years ago a bully was someone who was just a power hungry jerk. Most of us have been bullied at one point in life. Maybe it was when you were a kid and someone made fun of you for having a flaw or maybe it’s been in your adult life but we have all been a part of it one way or another. When I was a kid you pushed through a bully and were expected to be strong. I would even go as far as saying it was a part of life you had to deal with and move forward.

                What I see happening now is beyond the word bully. Victimizing, harassment, assault, and abuse come to mind but bullying just doesn’t seem to fit anymore. Maybe one of the reasons schools aren’t taking the problem serious enough is because the word bully just doesn’t have a strong enough ring to it. Maybe if a parent came in and flat out stated, my child was assaulted, harassed, verbally abused, and victimized it would put more of a solid and serious description to it. Or how about just bypassing the school all together and heading straight to law enforcement. I really seems like some schools are at odds on how to really address the problem because it’s not effective. Then you have a child who can’t get away from the torment and finally defends themselves physically instead of just taking it and ends up suspended and gets fighting on their record. It that really fair to the child who has been forced to do the only left to do? The old walk away method works until the abuser just keeps following ready to attack. I have personally been overpowered by someone physically and no matter how badly you don’t want to fight back, instinct eventually does kick in and you have to.

                Internet victimizing is totally out of control and I honestly don’t see how any of us can get a handle on that. I always tell my children not to engage with an internet tough guy because it feeds them and they just don’t stop. Not responding is easier said than done and I see adults do it all the time. It’s just too hard to ignore and then the fire is fueled. We all know some people are much stronger online than they would ever be face to face and that just sets the stage for really causing some damage in someone’s life.

                At some point we have to start recognizing when bully is not a strong enough description for what is happening to kids. When someone is physically attacked by a gang of insecure girls, it’s certainly gone beyond the bully point and reached full blown assault on personal safety. In the adult world when you fear for your safety you don’t tell the principal and hope they can stop it, you file a restraining order and keep your cell phone on ready to dial 911. Seems like in a school system that suspends a kid for a day for beating someone up but will call the police over a stolen pen the priorities are completely askew.

                I don’t think anyone has a real clear view on how to get a handle of the lack of empathy epidemic happening to our kids but I know we all see it.  If and when it becomes one my kids there is no way I look at bullying the same way I did when I was a kid because it’s just not the same anymore. Bully is just not the word to describe it. It’s gone way beyond that and lack of empathy has become a disability in our youth. Kids have crossed over the word bully and have become completely out of tune with feelings in general. He scary part about that is this disability begins at home.

               At this point we all need to make damn sure this disability does not find a way into our homes.