We always hear how autistics may not be able to function or
keep up with the social standards we have placed on each other. They may have
an awkwardness to them and being social is said to not come easily so it must
be taught. This concept has always been a bit silly to me just because of the
simple fact I have never met a socially adjusted person in my life so asking
someone with autism to adjust is the ultimate pressure we can put on them. It's known autism comes with honesty, direct
communication, and faking it is something autistics struggle to do. For the
rest of us lying, saying the “right” thing and faking a smile comes pretty
naturally even if it’s wrong we do it if we think we need to. Autism however is
known to see no logic in these things. The irony is astounding that we treat
people for this difference, even going as far as trying to cure it, instead of
learning ourselves from it.
If my
child is a bit different socially I am at ease with that completely and know
his abilities will over shadow any awkwardness he may carry with him. At lease
I intend to raise him that way and hope it settles into his mind as we tackle
the challenges life will bring. There is one thing about him socially that
makes me very uneasy and afraid for him. If he is on a playground and another
child pushes him down he has no reaction. If a child speaks to him in a cruel
tone he has no reaction to it and continues on with whatever he was doing before
it happened. He will not react to this side of social interaction and I don’t
want him to in a bad way, but not reacting at all could be a bad thing.
He
smiles, laughs, runs, plays, and does all of the things a boy his age should do.
He loves other kids and although he may not always play in an interactive way
he loves being around kids in general. From what I can see the only real social
challenge that could have some real negative effects on him is his lack of ability
to stand up for himself or react to a sticky situation. At the same time it’s
an innocence I wish more people had. If it wasn’t just him with this state of
mind a mess of world problems would be resolved. Can you just imagine a world
full of people who have no idea how to be mean to each other? Full of emotions
but just flat out unable to treat each other in a nasty way. What an awesome world that would be.
Phillip
will be three at the end of the month and preschool is quickly approaching.
When they said the words “special education” to me I was a slight state of
shock. Honestly I felt they had gone a bit overboard on that recommendation. My
mommy ego was getting in my own way at the time but now I can say that is the
right place for him. My hope is other children in whatever program we find for
him face this same challenge and he can hold onto that part of himself a bit
longer in life. Avoiding that survival tactic until he understands what it is
or at least reacts in some way. I could be totally wrong and special education could
be just as difficult for him socially as main stream education, but I hope not.
For now
I am there for him with my ears tuned in and my eyes peeled but I won’t be able
to do that for him forever. I pray a lot that somehow he will begin to react to
this social challenge because unless he learns to react he will be a prime
target for bullies and cruelty.
It’s an
innocence that I don’t want to change about him but in order for him to survive
in a world full of social handicaps we don’t label, does he really have a choice?
Do any of us?
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