This morning our autism planner is visiting. Last visit he handed us some paperwork outlining discipline to fill out and return to them. I was a little confused when I looked at it, not because it was confusing to read, but because if the answers where as simple as a piece of paper, that would just be something!
My son has meltdowns like all autistic kids, but it's not based on lack of discipline. It's based on the processing limits he has. I don't see a way to fix that, only to understand it and slow down. I have actually found time is a huge factor. The more time he is allowed to process the better the results. Does that mean when I can't allow him time, I need to find a discipline tactic to punish him for not keeping up with the changes? No.
I have three kids, Phillip being my youngest. When my first child was born I bought every book I could get my hands on to make sure I was doing it right. Honestly I had no idea what I was doing other then the natural instincts that kicked in when I had him. The books gave me security when I wasn't sure. Then, my second child was born while my first was just a toddler. I slowly stopped having time to even look to the books for answers. I had two small children to raise and sitting down to read instructions on how to do it just right was not even an option at that point. I had basically read everything I could get my hands on anyway and still found myself trying to figure it out.
Ten years went by before Phillip was born. Ten years of parenting, ten years of doing the right and wrong thing. Ten years of discipline tactics and finding what works and what doesn't.
I am not a perfect parent at all. Many days I have no idea what to do so I wing it and hope it has positive results. Many days I call my parents hoping they have an answer to my set back and thank God they never actually tell me what to do because they know I am capable of figuring it out.
I know you can't use the exact same tactics on each child, they are different which means different tactics each time.
That brings me to my third child and boy has God given us a twist we didn't see coming this time. Basic discipline is not really an option because his mind operates in a totally different way. I can discipline him for common toddler issues, but certainly can't punish him for being autistic. I can't force him to be something he is not, and that would apply to all three of my kids. I have to be able to see things the way he does and build an understanding, a desperate need in the world of autism.
I don't care how many papers are thrown at us with outlines on what to do, or guidelines on how to "cope". Our children teach us as we go.
Unless there is a book out there called, How To Be A Perfect Parent And Raise A Perfect Child, with a 100% money back guarantee..then maybe I would sit down and pay attention. Until then I will read my child because he has the power to teach me everything I need to know.
When it comes to parenting, aren't we all just really winging it anyway?
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