Hold the apologies please.

   That moment when you are talking to a stranger and they ask about your children. The word autism comes up and this is the moment I think in my head, don't say it just please do not say it. Then, they say it, "I am so sorry."

   That is a moment my heart just drops and I do realize people don't know how that response can come across. You see, I associate apologies with loss or wrong doing, never the state of one of my children. I have had the biggest dose of what is considered socially acceptable I have ever had in my life since my son was diagnosed with autism and yet that apology is a seriously socially awkward moment that happens way to often. It is also a moment I know how that person views a child with autism, as though I just said I had a broken child and I don't.  My son is behind his peers and he fights to cope with overwhelming situations but the last thing I would describe him as is broken or a reason for anyone to apologize to me. In fact it surprises me I can tell someone I have two teenagers in my home and a little one with autism is what serves up an apology. Anyone who has two teenagers in their house knows exactly what I mean by that in total humor of course.

   When my son was diagnosed it felt like our world came down around us but that feeling didn't last long for me. It lasted until Our Trip To Paris came to be, when that first advocate told me I might be mourning my son and having a child with autism is like thinking you have a ticket to Paris only to get off in Holland. He said "you expected to get off the plane in Paris but you look around and it's Holland. Holland is nice, but it's not Paris." That moment was the moment I realized just exactly how the world was going to view my son. Like he was not what I expected or enough and that it must be a let down for me as a parent. Absolutely not and the biggest let down in that process is that anyone would have suggested I felt that way. How could I have possibly looked at my then two year old son and feel what he was, was not enough or an unexpected let down? That was something I had no idea how to even do and I thank God my mind just doesn't work that way for myself and my son.

   I have heard a lot responses to the word autism on this journey, some fantastic and some a little strange but the only one that truly bothers me is the apology response. I imagine myself being able to grab their head like in a SyFy movie and let them see our lives unfold both good and bad over the past two years so they truly understand why an apology is really not necessary. In fact if that had superpower I could literally change lives by just grabbing people by the head for a few moments. I know they would see the world differently and slow way down to experience the details of life they might be missing. Unfortunately I don't have that ability and I only have that quick moment to respond and my response is always with a smile, taking a chance if possible to change their perspective on autism. To often that idea revolves around a violent child, an out control child, and they immediately view me as a woman who must be broken herself for having to deal with it all. I have been broken in my life a few times but not once has being an autism parent left me feeling like life is to hard. The opposite because I have a four year old life coach waking me up every morning.

   Being a parent of a child with autism has taught me more than I could have ever imagined I would learn in life as a person and as a mother. Would I prefer my son to not have to struggle? Of course and one of the biggest struggles he will face is how people view his difference. I can only hope when he hears an apology from someone he will understand that they just do not understand and it's never a  reflection on who or what he will become and that I believe will be whatever he wants.