What is the greatest challenge autism creates for my son, and really the whole family? It's not speech, not meltdowns, absolutely no self harm or harm to us, and not his eating habits. His greatest challenge is simply calming himself down in a new or busy environment. Doesn't sound like much of a challenge but it certainly is and it truly affects all of us regularly. The reason I consider it the biggest challenge is because I cannot do anything to help him.
Yesterday we set out to buy new shoes with two places I intended to stop and look. If those two places didn't have what we needed then we call it a day and try again another time. I also had to pay attention to my sons behavior before deciding to make this quick and what should be easy outing. If he seemed high strung or easily frustrated it was out of the question but all seemed well and he wanted to leave the house. The problem begins as soon as we walk into the doors of a building and right now it's back to school time so a building full of fast moving people. Immediately his mind and body kick into hyper drive and his senses crash into each other.
Physically he cannot slow down and begins to race all over the place, runs into people, and has not one idea of the dangers of running away from me. Mentally, processing delays begin and he no longer processes my voice. I can say his name 5 times and he will not respond unless I find a different way to get his attention. I know I have to get right in front of him to do it so I can at least grab his eyes if not his ears. Lately he becomes so hyper that eventually he will just lay down on the ground for a reboot and that actually gives me an opportunity to get his attention. Most parents do not want their child laying on the floor in a department store, grocery store, etc. but I personally see this as opportunity to get a hold of his mind. In fact yesterday at Ross after making it impossible to actually look for shoes to buy for him, the only way I was able to peacefully leave the store with him was the moment he laid down on the floor. Then he was still for a moment and I could quietly speak to him with a positive response. I was grateful he stopped moving no matter what people walking by staring at us felt about the situation.
This hyper overdrive has grown to be a bigger challenge in the last month or so and taking my son anywhere that might trigger this is not fun. It's extremely hard to manage this and when you consider how many places can cause this, options become limited, extremely limited. Most of the family fun events offered in the community are a nightmare situation for him. Created for family fun but has the exact opposite impact. We still try but leave completely mentally exhausted from trying to help him get through. Even events created with autism families in mind are to much for him to take in at this point and at times it's frustrating. Frustrating to explain to others and frustrating to accept at the same time.
I can help my son eat and stay healthy even with an extremely picky appetite. I can help him use words to communicate and I can help him work through a meltdown by leaving him alone but I cannot turn the world down. It's something with time he will have to learn to manage himself because the world can never be turned down to accommodate him or any of us. It has a huge impact on his behavior and it is a daily struggle. I don't avoid situations to hinder my son as some may think, I avoid because the situation will hinder him and I have at times even left feeling bad I forced him to be there in the first place.
I was told not to long ago "Your to meticulous, and you need to let him just be a kid." A comment that made my heart sink because from the outside looking in I suppose that is what appears to be happening. From the inside looking out, the only thing I want for him in the whole world is to just be able to be a kid but autism forces meticulous. Meticulous brings him safety, comfort, and the ability to relax at times in a world that won't turn down. The definition of meticulous is extreme attention to detail and I could easily sum up autism the very same way, and it's a forced way of life so he can have those moments of just being a kid.
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