Don't You Smile!

   If you are a new reader I have three children. My youngest, who is 3,  is my son with autism and my two older kids are 13 and almost 15. When my older kids were little we played a game regularly and it went something like this, if one of them was upset I would demand they not smile. Loose a toy, bad day, tired, whatever the case was I would just sternly say "don't you dare smile!" I might have had to say this a few times but eventually they would break and that smile would grab them. It was actually one of my favorite things to do with them because children cannot resist the smile no matter how bad the day is. The fight to not smile would always end up being to much and they would loose the battle. A pretty common game to play with your kids and typically ends very well no matter what the situation may be.

  So many times with my youngest I have wanted to play this game and I can tell you I have tried multiple times. Only to have it end with me feeling foolish because he in fact is not going to smile. Or I have wondered if he has even understood what I was trying to do. I would say it with enthusiasm and get a blank look and then maybe try again the next day. Eventually I began to wonder if he would ever be able to understand that game at all, after all I was telling him NOT to smile. Would he ever understand the that my intention was to create a smile or would it always be a blank look? Did he possibly think I really didn't want him to smile, or was autism just not allowing him to understand the game?

   Recently I got my answer to that and a very large dose of hope and joy for him. Just a few days ago we were in the van and he was very serious as usual. I glanced at him in the rear view mirror and could see a stern look on his face so once again I said it "don't you smile Phillip" expecting the very same reaction I had received over and over again for over a year. That is when I saw his cheek move and his eyes shift toward me. So, of course I said it again with even more enthusiasm because I saw a possibility of a reaction and to my surprise a giant smile took over his face! A dangerous moment to be driving by the way because I did not want to miss one second of his reaction. I had waited way to long for it and never expected it to come any time soon. Just asking him to smile has been a challenge we have never overcome, until now. He has not purposely smiled for pictures or on command since autism. Before autism he was full of smiles but after autism something had to be funny and if it wasn't funny a smile would not just come to him. Most people can smile when told or at each other out of friendliness. We smile all the time even of there is not major motivation attached or at least we try to but he has not been able to do this.

  We have continued to play this game and not only does he react just as he did that day but he now tells me "don't you smile" when I am not smiling. I wish I could ask him if he knew all along what I was doing and if the world was just to busy to understand. I wish I could ask him what changed that day to create the smile I told him not to put on his face and what gave him the ability to open up his mind and let it out. I can't and really it doesn't matter because once something happens you don't think ever will the overwhelming feeling of happiness for him is amazing. To see that little cheek move just a little that day was him telling autism, you don't have me. When he is older he can tell all about what it's like for him to have autism but for now we have new way to turn a frustrating situation into a smile. A huge win for him and he sure loves trying not to smile=D.