I am antisocial and I know it. I wasn’t born that way and it’s
not a neurological challenge that I know of, I am just not social. Honestly I have
spent 36 years carefully choosing who knows me well and who just knows me. I have
a handful of amazing women in my life and each of them I feel is a sister to
me. I am extremely comfortable with all of them and none of them know each
other very well if at all. If I find myself in a situation I need to be friendly
and social I can do friendly but social, not so much. I am quiet for a long
time before people know me and even then I can still be quiet to a point. I
know all of this about myself and I am perfectly fine with it but at the same
time struggling to fit in is something I very much understand when I watch my
son around other kids and not always knowing what to do.
When I
take my son to and from the autism center the parents gather in the lobby and
typically they are all talking to each other. Not me, I sit and wait for that little
smile to round the corner quietly. No one knows I am a blogger or have an autism
awareness page and I don’t think any of the therapists know either. Sometimes I
will say a few words to someone so they know I am not a complete mute but for the
most part I keep to myself. It’s not because I want to but lately it’s more
because I can’t relate to the conversations I hear. Most of the time I hear
struggles and challenges and often times I see just by looking at mom or dad
the day has been hard. I don’t know if I am worst autism advocate there is or a
good one but I have found myself in a situation as a parent I have not one dang
thing to say about autism that is challenging us. My son is excelling every
single day and nothing seems to be a struggle lately. Yes, he fights for
progress but nothing has left me confused or frustrated as a parent for a very
long time.
He isn’t
potty trained but that’s ok for now and we work on it slowly. I haven’t set any
time frame to that and don’t intend to as long as I see small progress I am
grateful. He is saying more words, still not communicating his needs but we are
in sync so it comes together pretty easily. He has even changed his routine up
a bit lately and seems to be growing bored with how things have been day in and
day out. So change is coming and it’s because he wants it, which is very
different from what we are used to. He
stopped wearing a coat every day and has even ventured out without shoes on his
feet without growing upset if something is stuck t his foot, like a blade of grass.
He still has a horrible selection of food he will eat but he eats it and seems
to be growing just fine so no concern there either. I would like to say his
last meltdown was a week ago but I honestly can’t remember for sure.
When I
listen to the parents talk I just can’t jump into the conversation and I almost
feel bad about it. Not bad that we are doing so well lately but bad that they
are going through such difficult struggles. I want to fix it for them so badly
but I also see so many different levels of autism no one can possibly have
answers to it all. I also feel a bit guilty because my son is easy, very easy.
Is there such a thing? An easy child with autism? Well, I guess at this point
in our journey the answer is yes my three year old son who is autistic is easy.
I don’t know how it happened and I don’t know what exactly made it happen but that
is where we are. So in one way I could be the worst autism awareness parent
there is because I just don’t have much to address lately or I could be a great
one because that is not how the world sees autism at all. The world sees autism
as a constant struggle that wears a parent out and that is just not the case
these days for us. I am worn out but that is three kids and poor sleeping
habits not autism because autism sleeps just fine around here.
I know
one thing and that is that I need to be more social with the other parents because
even though I feel a bit out of place in their conversations I might have a place
in those conversations that gives them hope. I also know this easy way of life
we seem to have lately could change just like that, I hope it doesn’t but I
know it can. Nothing in this crazy life stays the same or I wouldn’t be able to
say I have an easy child with autism in the first place because a year ago not
one day could have qualified as easy or close to it.
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