Just keep moving and pay attention to what life is really about.

             Tomorrow is the big day for Phillip! It has been since late May of 2012 that we have been told services need to begin ASAP for progress and a promising future for our son. Well, it has taken some other life changing events to get him services at all, and we are now on our way. I am excited for him because I know he will love going and he will be learning the things I just can’t do for him at home. He will begin 3 hour sessions every weekday with a 15 hour weekly schedule and I am very happy with that time. I never liked the 40 hour rescue schedule I was first told he needed at 2 years old, so 15 is a very comfortable number for both of us.

                I am feeling just a bit lost with this new schedule beginning tomorrow and this is why. Three and a half years is approximately 910 days and out that 910 days I can count on one hand how many times I have been away from my son for more than 3 hours in a day. My life has literally revolved around guiding him, working with him, and being his communication device. Being the person who sees things they way he does the best I can and after repeated days of this I often felt like I was becoming autistic. No, that can’t happen but the constant can make you feel like it is. The break will be more than good for me but at the same time I almost have to relearn what to do with time that is good for me personally. Many parents have a child and go back to work or have a date night. Didn’t have those options and many parents still go out with friends on a Friday night or spend the day with other adults, also options I didn’t have. People have children and are able to go back into a personal life with a babysitter from time to time and I was just not able to do that. I didn’t have support needed to go back into having a personal life until now.

                I can join the YMCA that is right next door and physically do some good for myself and I am looking into going to school to keep my brain moving forward but it is so weird to know I will have that time everyday of the week. A short time but it feels a bit like an eternity at this point. This will prepare him for school in the fall and he may stay in the autism program right along with preschool when that time comes. Kids grow up and these are things that need to happen but my routine is getting rocked and I was not as ready as I thought I would be. I knew it was coming and have known for a long time but I still feel a bit like a deer in the headlights trying to figure out which way to go. I will find ways to keep busy but what is so interesting to me through the whole thing is we are hitting a milestone where mom has to let go and he will fly a bit or hopefully soar. A person might not think your child beginning autism services would be a milestone but when it comes to autism there is no typical milestone. Every little change and every little step towards progress is a milestone that doesn’t exist on a doctor’s paperwork or developmental charts. Just moving forward in general is as important as learning the alphabet or tying a shoe. Something we all can apply to life when it’s necessary because life is not mapped out and there are no directions to follow, you just keep moving and pay attention to what life is really about.