"What can I do so he will play?"

                 It’s funny even when you don’t think you’re going to think about autism it happens all around you.  Football game this morning and although my daughter who normally lends a hand with Phillip was there, her dad was also and she doesn’t get to see him much so I didn’t ask her to help out. Seems like it would be easy to just let a 3 year old run around a school play ground and watch a game right? It’s not.

                Textures are amazing to him and it’s the things that run through his fingers he enjoys the most. Dirt is a huge one, saw dust, small rocks, and the list goes on. Once he finds one of these amazing textures he runs his hand through it, then he might rub it on his shirt. We then graduate to full on rub it on top of the head and put it in the mouth. It is his desire to completely investigate the texture and for all those who wonder why my child is covered in dirt, it can’t be stopped. Or at least I haven’t found a way yet. I have reached the point I just try to keep him from eating anything he shouldn’t. The rest will wash off in the bath and today was a very dirty day.

                Today I also found some pretty awesome inspiration from another child. A four year old boy went out of his way to play with my son. They threw some rocks and ran a bit, but I could see he was trying to talk to him and getting a bit discouraged when my son wouldn’t respond. Eventually my son would lose his focus and drift off into a texture he discovered. One second he might be running and the next it’s all about the dirt. It is nearly impossible to break his focus until he has investigated it to his standard. This happens all the time and I am used to it but people who aren’t around him don’t understand this.

                If there is one thing we can learn from young kids it is their ability to want to learn about each other. Not all kids are raised that way but when one is, you will see it and it’s inspiring. A short time later this boy was trying to get my sons attention to follow him and started to pull on his coat. An act of desperation when he just wanted to play like kids normally do.  I knew the pulling could potentially throw Phillip into a tantrum state so I walked over to see if I could ease the situation a bit. My son took off running on whatever grabbed his attention and this wise little man and I walked and talked. I explained to him that my son won’t always listen like we would like him to and he gets really into things he can’t look away from. The boy tilted his head and was trying to find the words for what he was frustrated about. Then he looked up at me and said with a sigh, “He doesn’t play like other kids.” I told him nope he doesn’t. He likes to watch dirt fly and feel grass and touch things to figure them out. Then this adorable little boy looked up and said to me “what can I do so he will play?”

                What I wanted to say was, you have a heart of gold and your desire to understand is something most adults don’t have! What I actually said to him was you can try to make a funny sound or do a funny dance. Maybe he will follow if you run. Then he thought for a second and took off running to see if my son would follow and he did exactly that.

                We could all learn from this young man for his will to try and his will to understand another child who really doesn’t get much understanding from strangers. I hope he never loses that desire and masters that as he grows up because you could say he has his own difference from so many people in the world. Empathy, care, the desire to connect, and not being afraid to ask questions! He did give up after a while but let’s be honest, playing with someone who doesn’t talk or respond is draining and he eventually was drained. I see kids like him as the positive future of autism with so many people not understanding or not wanting to understand, the entire answer to some of the autism challenges came out of a four year olds mouth. “What can I do so he will play?” there you have it! I could sit down and tell this little guy all about what people think cause autism, how people try to cure autism. I could talk about interventions, and sensory integration toys, diets, genetics and even bowel troubles kids with autism have. That one simple question he asked I wasn’t even sure my suggestions would work.

                So to the world of autism I would say this….I know a four year old who is waiting for an answer to a question we all have on our minds. He is not autistic but he is the future of how society views the difference and that is what we should be working towards.