Self defense is an instinct most of us are able to use one
way or another and when we think of self defense we think about actual physical
defense when we might be in trouble. There is an entirely different form of it that
I didn’t even realize was so important until I had a child who doesn’t use it.
It is a small form of self defense that we use throughout our lives all the
time and it actually comes pretty naturally for most of us from early childhood
but for my son it does not. For many kids with autism it does not. We know a
child or adult with autism can be a target for being bullied and abuse because
of either lack of speech or lack of understanding. It’s why so many parents
worry and keep a close eye but it’s not just a matter of avoiding abuse or
being bullied, it’s a also a life skill that isn’t there and yes it causes me
to be a overprotective helicopter mama. Honestly I am one of those mamas’s
anyway but it is possible to step that up.
An
example of this, and I could give many, but this is one that happened just the
other day. We took a small hike around a lake and ended up at a swimming area
with a small beach. The hike alone was very short but because of distractions
it seemed very long. Lots of stops and a lot of telling my son it’s time to keep
moving. When we got to the beach other kids were swimming and I let him get wet
for a while. This was the day we kicked routine in the backside by the way in
case you read my blog regularly and it did help very much. There was a little
girl who was very friendly and she told me she was 5 years old. She was adorable
and very talkative with a ton of energy which made her very entertaining to my
son. He adored her immediately and would have followed her anywhere and tried.
Phillip went into the water with her and she would scream “shark!” then they
would run out of the water laughing over and over again. Soon this game took a
twist to splashing and she began to splash Phillip in the face. Here is the
self defense life skill we use even as kids or lack of. Phillip stood there and
took it and it didn’t even seem to process with him that he could in fact and
should, run away. The little girl splashed more and harder and soon he could
barely breathe and still did not avoid it or even splash back.
I gave
him a moment to react but I also had to step in and ask her to stop because she
did not understand that he would have let this continue no matter what. He was
playing a game by letting her but he was unaware how to stop her. This happens
a lot with other children and I am forced to step in all the time because the
instinct is not there. It can be even the smallest thing like sharing a toy because
that instinct is strong but he has no idea how to get it back. For one he can’t
ask for two he doesn’t seem to understand the process.
We
ended up leaving shortly after the splash attack because it didn’t take the
little girl very long to see she could get away with just about anything and
soon the splash attack turned into a mud attack. Her mom was there but she was
far away and I wasn’t comfortable having to keep stepping in. The crowd her mom
was with didn’t appear to be one I wanted to end up in a confrontation with
over telling her daughter what to do.
I can’t
speak for every child with autism, only my own, but I know this is a real
challenge for many parents. The self defense instinct is more important in
daily life than we realize and when a child doesn’t have it or hasn’t learned
to use it you end up having to do it for them more often than not. I have encountered some kids who are amazing
at being very kind and understanding with my son and then I have encountered
the mud slingers. He is going to meet a lot of them in his life and I am not
always going to be there to be his stand in self defense instinct. A very real
fear because little mud slingers grow up to be adult mud slingers. On that note,
I hope that adorable little girl does not grow up to be that and she was just a
child learning the world like my own child is trying to do. With a mom who was
able to sit back and not pay attention for a long time and totally unaware how
blessed she was to have a little girl who was able to be so independent. Then
again, there is such thing as to independent.
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