Routine is a powerful thing...down to the smallest details.

                Sometimes you have those moments even people very close to your child forget how autism holds the mind. My fabulous daughter was the unsuspecting victim of this first thing this morning when she put a movie in for her little brother. Little brother can’t tolerate the TV until well into the afternoon or even sometimes not at all. The morning started with some upset and confusion when the DreamWorks theme song sent him on to the living room floor screaming. Not her fault at all and you can imagine she was confused considering she does spend her days at school so the daily routine isn’t something she has to worry about. She was just trying to do something she thought he would like and he might have, if his mind would have allowed it.

                These things happen and we push on but it did remind me of all the times since he was diagnosed people have stepped into save him from, well, me so to speak. That mindset that the only reason he does what he does is because I am not parenting the right way. That following a strict routine is the problem and if the routine is just broken it will solve things. Not so, in fact that approach couldn’t more damaging. In defense of autism parents everywhere, it is impossible to parent a child out of autism and impossible to force the mind to let it go. You can change a routine but it’s really just one routine to the next and forcing a child to adjust as expected causes a whole mess of frustration and progress stops.

                For my son I know progress only comes when his mind is at ease and routine gives him ease. When he is comfortable he learns and wants to. When he is insecure or things are not as they should be he pulls back from it all and we wait until he finds his comfort zone again. They say from the start that routine is extremely important but what they don’t really explain is why. At the time I thought it was to make things easier on us just because if he knew what was coming he would stay calm and easy to manage but there really is more to it. It’s a matter of security, comfort, and his mind literally latches on to it and needs it. It is almost like that routine holds his mind still and without it or trying to force it to change, it gets all shaken up.  It takes time to get the ease and security back when things are shaken up.

                 We are all bit like that but with autism it is to a more of an extreme level and even the smallest details can either create or shake up security and ease. He shows me what those details are and some people might be surprised at how tiny they can be. If we would have left the movie in this morning and just thought he was in a bad mood, the day would have been shot for both of us. Turning if off without saying a word and quickly getting back to his comfort zone was all that was needed to save the day. It’s not always going to be so easy but understanding is going to make a world and has made a world of difference for him.