I have never been away from my son for more than a few hours
and never have I been away from him over night. He is getting older which
should mean it will be easier to do but I have my doubts about that unless a
strict schedule is followed and I am not even sure that will do the trick
without the element of me. It’s very difficult to take him places and the
thought of leaving him is also difficult to consider. On the other hand life is
going to pass by and I am going to end up watching it pass if I don’t find a
way to participate in it. I have friends I adore like sisters and some of them
are having life events happen such as weddings that they want me to be there
for and talk of weekend trips away with my ladies come up. Sometimes I inspire
that talk because I want it so dang bad.
I
started thinking about the directions I would have to leave for my folks if I
am to break away and it is much more detailed than just favorite foods or times
of day to do things. So today I am going to give an example of the list or plan
I would have to leave behind for whoever cared for him if I was on an
adventure.
To
begin the day one of the most important things to start the day off right is to
NOT raise a voice to say good morning. It must be said quietly or the trigger
is pulled and it sets a not so nice tone. So often a child gets out of bed and
someone yells “good morning!” with enthusiasm. So the first step of the day is a cautious and
quiet good morning to set the right tone. Then it’s off to breakfast and two waffles
are put into the toaster then I make my coffee. He has milk with a probiotic
and most of the time he does not want the milk until the waffles are done, cut
up, with a small amount of syrup. The milk and the plate are put on the counter
together. If the milk is offered to him ahead of time he might take it or he
might get upset so best not to offer unless he reaches for it. Then the Ipad is
set up next to the plate so he can watch a morning show of his choice with
breakfast. Typically we sit together for this and I talk to him while I use the
computer. That might not so important if I am not there for someone else to do
of course but it is how the time is spent.
We are
off to laundry and he likes to unload the dryer for me. The clothes go on the
floor and on the top of the dryer and there is no order but that is fine
because he is helping so don’t mess with the help. This is also when dishes or vacuuming
is done and he keeps himself busy but when I tell him I am going to take a
shower he drops everything and flies by me on the stairs to my bedroom. I turn
on the shower and he yells no no no, and leaves the bathroom to play in the bedroom.
It’s then his turn to take a bath. I turn on the water and he throws his toys
in but I have to take the bucket the toys where in and set it on the counter.
He must be told ahead of time the faucet is going to be shut off and that
simple step is extremely important. Once the bath is done he steps out and I
wrap him in a towel and he waits. He waits for me to put the toys one by one in
the bucket and pull the drain, also a very important step. Now we are carried
downstairs to the couch and he hangs out for bit, literally by the way and
something we are trying to get changed.
Now it’s
time to get dressed and leave the house. Anywhere is fine even if it’s a just drive but
if he is in someone else’s care I wouldn’t recommend a new place unless you
want to stay until he is exhausted. Back to getting dressed, it must be pants
first then a shirt. Socks, shoes, and a coat are next and if you mess up the
order you’re in trouble. So don’t mess up the order in which the clothes are
put on. Put on because he can’t do it himself. Don’t worry about him running
off when you go outside because he will go straight to the van, its part of the
order. Make sure the garage door is closed when you leave or another struggle
will begin when you return.
Now we
have returned and if that garage door is open even an inch you will not get him
in the house without a full blown meltdown. If it wasn’t shut when you left get
it done before he gets out of the van. Extremely important or the rest of the
day is going to be extremely hard for everyone. Once he is out of the van walk
around the house to the back yard and once he is in the fence you are good to
go for a while. He will play and you can relax for a bit…breath now. When he wants
to come in he will want his clothes removed and there is another order to this.
Shoes first along with the socks and pants, working your up but when you come
to his coat and shirt, it is one arm at a time. Do NOT try to pull anything
over his head in the arms up strategy most kids will follow, or another struggle
comes.
He’s
off to play and bug his sister and brother and all through the day a drink has
to be available for him and he needs constant reminders to drink it. He
typically doesn’t eat lunch but will hand you a snack if he wants one. You can
try to feed him dinner but he won’t eat it or sit at the table while you eat.
At the end of the day milk with some protein powder and whatever he will eat is
fine. Do make him a plate and put in on
the table because one day he will decide to participate but for now it’s ok to
let it go. He won’t conform and even if it’s tempting to make him, don’t.
Evening
is very easy if he hasn’t napped during the day. He will play so play with him
even if he doesn’t seem to notice you doing it. His favorite thing to do is
dance to One Direction with his big sister so if big sister isn’t there step in
and have some fun. If he hasn’t fallen
asleep by 7:30pm it’s time for bed and be sure to tell him this. If it’s been a
good day he will go upstairs ahead of you and jump into bed. You need to get in
bed with him and tell him it’s time for sleep. If he doesn’t listen turn your
face away from him and he will calm down. Don’t try to cover him as he is
particular about the covers, he will handle that. Quickly he goes right to
sleep and you can sneak out but if you miss that 7:30pm window it will not be
this easy. He will muster up extreme hyper ability and it could take hours for
him to calm down and crash on his own. Don’t miss the window!
Even
after writing this I can think of a few important things I missed that could
muck up an entire day like he will only go potty in a pull up and will only
wear it to go potty. He will disappear to do this and if you don’t pay
attention he removes it immediately so be ready. The big stack of kids movies
are worthless, do not put one in or he will meltdown. If a meltdown happens he
needs to be placed on my bed and left alone. You cannot talk him out of it the
harder you try the worse it becomes. If and when he calms approach him at his
level, meaning get on the floor and talk very quietly. He won’t point to things
he wants and he won’t speak so you will encounter a meltdown without a doubt.
So you
see leaving him is not so easy because the little details are so very important
to get through the day. If his siblings are
there it helps tremendously because they know most of these details but even
then it’s hard to understand how important these things are to follow. This is
our typical day and if we have a not so typical day I am prepared for the
outcome and sometimes surprised at well it goes. It is very hard for others to
understand why a child can’t adjust to even the smallest change and it is even
harder for a parent to leave knowing how important these details are. A short
time away doesn’t cause much worry because he actually keeps busy with the change
but an overnight away is a big change. I am not sure who I would be more
worried about if I was gone. I would worry about him and how he is adjusting
but I would also worry about who is caring for him and if they are able to keep
up. Eventually I will have to find out how this will go and do some adjusting
as well and I am still coming up with more little important details as I write
this that could throw off the entire day.
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