One of my biggest concerns for him.

               I worry about something with my son all the time and it’s not routine, eating habits, potty training, or being different. It’s how he is going to take in the world as he gets older socially. I am not autistic but you could say I have some social handicaps, in fact we all do. I have a difficult time understanding that people will do bad things. I know they will do bad things but I never expect it because I can’t wrap my mind around what makes people treat each other the way they do. I know right and wrong and for some reason I expect everyone else to understand it as I do. I think we all can relate to that in some way at some point if we reflect on life.

                Here is where my worry comes in with him. Even though I expect people to treat others right I know when someone is possibly dishonest, out for themselves, or just not being very nice. I can gage that even though sometimes I have completely failed to see it right away, I still have the ability to see it. My concern for him is he will not have that ability at all.  He is little but even at three years old if another child is not very nice; he has absolutely no grasp on it. I have seen it play out with other kids. A child at a play ground or at the mall might push him and he is just happy to be there. He might keep a bit of a distance in regard to being overwhelmed or avoiding being touched but the distance doesn’t have anything to do with the social side of what’s happening.

                I remember a day at the school playground in Montana. I stood pretty far away and just watched him interact with a couple of other kids his age. One little girl was in a mood that day and Phillip was going to follow her. He just wanted to play and there was someone his size to play with, when all of sudden that little girl turned and yelled at him for following her and she was not very nice about it at all. Most kids would see that and back off but Phillip laughed, smiled and danced around excited that she responded to him standing there. That was actually the moment I realized he has no ability to see what just happened and it scared me like nothing else autism has thrown our way.  Going through an entire life not being able to gage other people is a very scary thought. He would be torn apart in a mainstream school environment just because he lacks ability to gage others.

                I have had people say to me he will learn and maybe grow out of that but when I watch him interact with other kids there is no sign of him growing out of it at this point. It’s taken this long for him to say a simple hello to another child but at the same time he has been saying hello to all of us and himself in the mirror. A very simple social skill he is trying to like heck to figure out and right now he is just pleased he can say it. He isn’t saying it to be social, he says it because he is fighting to speak and that one word is a success in the battle. A battle so many other kids are fighting and aren’t even able to get that one word out. You take one day at a time and keep in mind that even the smallest success to others is enormous for him. You celebrate it like it’s a miracle because it is and at the end of the day you pray for one more.