Even Jesus was a Toddler

   Yesterday my son and I stopped at World Market and it's one of his favorite places to go. Lots of breakables but it never worries me because he is actually a very careful child. The reason he loves going there is the toy selection and I agree with him because all of the toys are battery free and old fashioned toys that require thought. I like that and I prefer old school to the way times have changed, especially when it comes to how kids learn and play.

    He was wild and all over the place so I had to work a little harder to get through the store with all eyes beating on us. I could feel it and even though no one was rude, people don't have to be rude to be clearly judgmental towards you as a parent. It's the slow walk and stare at your child approach I see all to often. While I was paying my son picked up a vase and when he tried to put it back it fell over and rolled onto the floor, shattering. Of course this event caused everyone to stop and watch that mother with the high energy, not listening, unruly, tantrum throwing child who broke something because she isn't doing her job. Not exactly correct but that is what most people would see and the fact I didn't get mad at him probably made some of that judgment worse. It was an accident and honestly he wasn't very happy with what happened either. So, I quietly paid for the vase and we left, eyes still on us because he had already thrown two tantrums over being told no before the incident happened. He had already grabbed judgmental eyes just being three.

   I have reached a point with my son that I guess you could say I have let some things go. Some things being the way I am told he needs to be, the way he is supposed to act, and the way society has decided how every child and parent are supposed to be. To me it's all complete crap and so is any form of judgment that shoots our way.

   My son is three years old, stubborn, smart, autistic, and testing the world. Testing limits, boundaries, the environment, and top of the list he is testing me. That's what kids his age do and they don't stop, the tests just become different with different ages and stages. He throws tantrums (aside from meltdowns) and he behaves like a three year old would or should. He is definitely a challenge and I have to really work to keep up physically and mentally. I read last night there is a disorder now that basically suits kids who throw tantrums called, Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder. When I read about it all I could do was feel very very bad for the state of our society and the kids growing up in it.

   Disruptive meaning what a child is doing is an annoyance. Mood, another word for how one might feel. Dysregulation, a fancy word for not being normal or regular and disorder is basically another word for mental illness. How in the hell have we become a society who has allowed our children to be considered mentally ill for acting like children? Is a childhood tantrum so completely out of line it needs to be addressed with a label ending in disorder? Have we become so blind and confused that we don't even understand how kids can be anymore? I heard an add on the radio a couple of weeks ago for ADD or ADHD and the add claimed a video game could help our children fight back the symptoms. Similar to so many adds for autism I come across. I turned the radio off right after I heard it because we live in a society that is hell bent on fixing every single personality and shaping it into some kind of extreme order that actually doesn't exist. If it did we would all be walking around exactly alike. How entirely boring would that be and impossible to ever make happen.

   My son throws tantrums and a lot of them are not associated with autism at all, they are because he is three. Six months ago he did everything I told him to when I told him to and I will to say it was easy, I was blown away by it. As a parent I kind of felt like I was getting by pretty easy but that has changed. I am glad to see it because it shows me he has a strong personality of his own that is busting through and challenging me is not something I see as a bad thing. Of course I challenge him back and want him to understand I am the mom but I don't want him to go through life doing everything he is told when he is told to by everyone. I am just his first test subject is how I see it and I am thrilled he has found that part of him, he is going to need it in a world full of confusion and people who might sometimes be wrong. People who have decided all children should be acting a certain way and conforming to a standard no one will ever live up to and adults face the same pressure.

   I don't know who is coming up with all of these childhood disorders and calling so many kids mentally ill for being kids, but I would love to have a sit down with some of their mothers. I would love to ask them what raising these people was like. Someone said to me last year after my son had completely broken down in a grocery store and at the time I felt embarrassed by it and frustrated he wasn't behaving himself. They said "even Jesus was a toddler" and that comment never left my mind. It also erased my embarrassment and I suddenly was embarrassed because I had completely forgotten that my child didn't have to be perfect. Even Jesus was a toddler and so were the people who are creating so many mental illness guidelines that apply to our kids. They had tantrums, challenged their mothers, probably caused a few public scenes, struggled in school in some way, had mood swings, and made it all the way to being an adult who could write the guidelines for things like Disruptive Mood Dysregulation  Disorder. I guess you could say they made it to being a successful adult depending on how you view success. I am no therapist and my opinion is irrelevant but I know I am not the only person tired of seeing children diagnosed and medicated for everything under the sun. It's out of control and when I read all of the stories I have I don't think it's children that are out of control, it's adults with an idea of what control should be and it's no good.