Show No Fear!

                 The system of autism is a tricky thing. Phillip and I follow a system every day and it can come down to the smallest things. When he gets in his car seat I have to take a book out of the pocket in the driver’s seat and place it on his lap. I also have to do this before I buckle him in; if I buckle him first it throws off the system.  Things like this go on all day and the rituals make things easier for him to process. He knows what is coming next and that is important to him.  Not an easy thing for me to adjust to with a mind and better part of my life fighting every system I came across. Repetition was something I could never grasp, until now.

                Many kids choose at young age to have a security object. A blanket, toy, book, or whatever it may be that they keep with them all the time. In this case Phillip finds security in environment and the daily routines of life.  Basically everything around him is his security object and when it changes he is not so at ease or accepting of the change. Maybe at first he will do fine but eventually it takes a tole on him. He may not show it verbally but he might stop eating or not sleep well.  Little clues that he is losing his security. People have told me to carry a familiar item with me to distract him but it is really not so simple. I can carry 1,000 familiar items with me and there are still 1,000 new items around him that I may not be able to distract him from. The new things he sees are typically more powerful than the old stuff he has already fully inspected.

                With a big move for our family coming into play it’s not going to be easy but it’s either stay here and have limited help for his future or move and ensure we have done everything we need to do.  I enjoy change and can adjust easily but the one thing that throws me off is, knowing one of my children may not be at ease. I guess you could say when my kids are anxiety free I am anxiety free, like every parent feels or should feel. 

                The rituals are about to come to a halt and the routine is going to come crashing down to be rebuilt again. Not just for autism but for all of us because when you live with autism those things become just as much part of your life as it does for your child. The thought of this is a little scary and I am going to have to suck it up and be confident in every choice I make, or at least appear to be, because I am his environment. I am just as important to him as that book in his lap and the more I can ease some insecurity for all of them, the better. Even if I may feel like I am drowning in my own insecurities I won’t or can’t show it, in fact I refuse to.  The change is difficult but the choice was not and I am very confident in that in regard to my whole family.

                That is what a parent is supposed to do! When the world seems a bit off or overwhelming a child should be able to walk into a room with mom or dad in it and feel at ease. My parents are visiting and I am no longer a child, but to them I always will be and they still provide that security just by being around for me. We should all be so lucky and be wise enough to pass it on to our own kids. Even if you are a bit afraid as a parent....your children don't need to know;)