Little Boy First....Autism Second.

                  I was watching a short video of Temple Grandin this morning. An interview of her concerns for autism, being autistic and just flat out a force that commands respect, her opinion is one to listen to. There is always one thing about watching this woman that grabs my ears. When she talks about her mom’s role in her life she always addresses her as mother and says it in a way we should all know who she is. Not my mother or mom but just mother in the present. I see that as a huge insight to the role her mother played to getting her where she is today and how much she respects that.

                One of the things I see with autism is the confusion and a lost feeling for parents on how to deal with everyday situations that may come up. Once you have a diagnosis and a plan you still have to be the one person who provides the greatest source of guidance. No matter how many people you reach out to for advice or ideas, you know your child is unique to their own form of autism and after all is said and done you have to be the one unique form of guidance they have.

                It’s easy to blame autism for some behaviors or frustrating issues because the fact is autism causes a lot of them. The blame can’t turn into excuse it won’t do a child any favors later on down the road. Yes, there are many things that you just have to work around because autism leaves you no choice but as the same time showing a child the way is very important as you would with any child. It’s my feeling a child with a side of autism has abilities the world needs and needs it in a bad way. If the focus is too much on the autism and not the unique individual could we blur who our children could become? Maybe.

                There is a lot to be said about old school parenting and I am not talking the wooden spoon ways of the old order or sometimes the present order. I am talking about the do not feed a behavior you want to stop. It is clear Temple's mother did not let autism define who she would become. It is a part of her? Yes of course and thank God the autisitic community has her but she clearly sees autism as something did not prevent her from becoming completely awesome. It helped her individuality and focus because her mother guided her that way.

                My son used to and still does sometimes have a very hard time coming from the car to the house. It is a challenge each and every time. The outdoors catches his mind and boy does it hang on. So the transition is a hard one. When we first began with the Autism planner in our area they gave us a spec ed clock with a red zone. When the red is gone it’s time to move on and I am sure an effective approach for a lot of kids but for my son I didn’t see this as affective tactic. Even with the transition meltdown I knew he was still a boy and a boy wants to play in the dirt. I don’t use that silly clock, never have. I do give him time to check things out then I tell him it’s time to go in. Sometimes we go straight to the bath and he forgets what he just left behind. Other times he just has to protest and I walk away. I can say his protest over time, and I mean months, has gotten weaker and short lived. We deal with this transition every single day.  It has become routine for him to know I am not going to respond and he is still just a boy who happens to have autism. His focus on the tantrum is nearly unbreakable but he is slowly learning what the routine is and it has taken extreme patience.

                Another good example, he likes to eat dirt. He likes the feeling in his mouth for one reason or another and I assume the sensory difference has a lot to do with it. At same time If knows I am watching he won’t do it. Like I said before he is autistic he is still a boy. Every person who has autism is a person first with some autism to keep us guessing. I don’t know the answers but for my son I do believe I have to raise him to focus on who he is before he gets to focused on the autism and blurs his capabilities. That being said it doesn't mean we don't adjust because we do alot of that but his job is to be a little boy first and hopefully one day use that side of autism to do great things.