Saturday, October 3, 2015

He Left Thor Behind Because Grandpa Needed Him.

   The biggest misconception people have about kids with autism is that because of the level of distraction and focus, intense focus or not at all, is that they aren't paying attention. Maybe they don't understand what is happening around them or aren't grasping a concept that everyone else can freely talk about or express in a typical way.  This misconception is a frustrating one because not only does it dehumanize someone with autism but it's just simply not true.

    Grandpa has been fighting cancer for two years. We live close and have watched this fight unfold in both good and bad ways.  The last two weeks has been spent trying to process the end of grandpa's life and each day he grows weaker and closer to heaven.  Many hours have been spent at the hospital and my son has spent a lot of time to and from the hospital.  Most of the time he is distracted and sticking to a routine he developed when it all began.  A couple days ago grandpa had a very bad day and we didn't know if it was his last as every day has been and I noticed my son was struggling to look at him.  Grandpa's change in appearance has been quick and for a child I would imagine it's a scary change to see such a strong man wither away.  Regardless Phillip gave grandpa a hug before we left and remained a little unsure of the situation.

   Later that evening grandpa sent a text that he had discovered a 6 inch Thor action figure tucked into his bed and he would send it home with my daughter later that evening.  My son is pretty protective of his avengers action figures and had been carrying them around all day.  I asked him where Thor had gone to and he responded with "Thor is at the hospital with grandpa." I expected him to want Thor and a sudden realization he had left him behind but that's not what happened.  It was a very matter of fact calm answer and I knew at that moment Thor being left behind was intentional but I had to ask to be sure because sometimes, even I am not sure of how he feels.  So I asked "Why did you leave Thor with Grandpa?" and his answer was, "So grandpa can be strong."

   No one saw him tuck Thor into the bed.  He never made a fuss when we left about a missing avenger and leaving him behind was his way of expressing exactly how he feels.  Grandpa was completely moved to tears by his show of care because even though they are close and grandpa has worked harder than anyone to understand him, Phillip doesn't always express to others so clearly how he feels.  It was much more than a superhero left behind, it was love.  Not being told to say it, told to do it, or coached to act as so many things are.  Not because he doesn't feel or want to say things but because he needs help to get that expression out but the feelings are real and always there.

   People need to throw out the misconception that autism means disengaged, withdrawn or lacks emotion and embrace that it's all there just like everyone else.  It's just a much bigger task for some to show it.  People also need to discover a cure for cancer but that's entirely different topic and one that has changed our lives in a much bigger way than autism ever has.


Dedicated to Grandpa, who transitioned to heaven just 9 days later. One of the most understanding, supportive, and loving grandpa's a boy could have.

No comments:

Post a Comment