Carnivals have never been an option for us other than to walk around and try to tolerate the noise for a bit but last night Phillip was excited to walk into the carnival environment. Once we walked around a bit, for the first time he showed an interest in riding some rides. That alone is major progress for him and I wasn't sure he would ever willingly do this but he was in a rush to try. One particular ride of course went in circles which did not concern me but another also bounced up and down. I knew the motion could easily end his excitement and potentially end the entire night in terror but he wanted to try so I encouraged him to do just that.
He climbed into the car anxious to begin and tried to buckle himself in but he only recently began to manage some buckles on his own and this one was unfamiliar and a little complicated so he was unable to do it alone. The woman operating the right walked over and took some time to explain to him how it works along with giving him a chance to do it on his own. I immediately was grateful already because most people would have buckled it up and continued on. As soon as the ride began to move he was doing great but the up and down had not started yet, so I was waiting anxiously and nervously to see if he could tolerate the motion. Also hoping the woman operating the ride would stop it right away if everything went all wrong. Then his car began to rise up and I could see his face turn into panic but I wasn't the only one who could see it, the woman working was watching as well and asked as he passed by if he was okay. He didn't answer the first spin around and his face appeared to be headed for extreme stress but by the second passing she asked again and told him he would be okay and he repeated "okay!" Third passing his terror eased back, he smiled and that was a moment I will never forget because it was a moment he was beating autism.
The woman working was smiling and rooting for him just as I was while keeping an eye on his reaction. I don't typically tell strangers my son is autistic but If I do, I prefer to do it when he conquering the challenges not when the challenges are conquering him so I walked over and thanked her for being so patient and explained to her it was his first time and that he in autistic. The woman smiled and said she understood, then she said her son is autistic too. The ride was over and the woman still all smiles carefully helped Phillip from the ride and told him what an a great job he did and that was the moment he conquered a real fear with the right person in the right place at the right time who appeared to be just as happy for him as I was.
Most people don't understand the feeling of watching your child be able to do what doesn't come easy. After all it's just a carnival ride and kids are doing it all the time because that's what kids do but for some kids the feeling is so intense they fight like hell to do it or they just aren't able to. Our milestones aren't like other families milestones and I don't even think about reaching typical milestones. It's the moments he is able and the moments he can take control of his environment or his own fear that matter. He may not be able to get himself dressed or push pedals on a bike but climbing into a carnival ride and tolerating the motion with the rest of the kids is far bigger to me than reaching any milestone on a chart according to age. It's being able to live and the joy he feels from that is what really matters. Moments like that are beyond words and a stranger completely understood. A person who may or may not know just how much of an impact she had on that moment but she will forever be someone who helped it happen with kindness, patience, and a big smile that understood.
No comments:
Post a Comment