There is a few things I have adapted into life with my son over the last two years that have helped him drastically to go easy through the days. These things don't always work of course because autism is an immense force and none of these things a parent can run out and buy to create an immediate fix or change. I will tell you now there is nothing someone can purchase or an apps a parent can download that will push back autism but there are ways to challenge it in daily life that take adjusting from the way we are taught to parent.
1. EASY does it. In other words it's okay to step back from pushing to hard. Charts and progress reports I see as good information to have but the only expectation I have is some type of progress no matter how little it may seem. It's never little.
2. PATIENCE is you and your child's best friend. Not the kind of patience most of us have but as my mother puts it "supernatural ability." The way I see it, my son is a constant mimic and repeats everything he sees but autism challenges him to control himself. As long as he sees the people around him utilize extreme patience, he mimics what he sees. No, not always but I will say his patience at 4 with an autism twist is impressive.
3. STAND YOUR GROUND. I can't count how many times people have told me what I need to do for my son. Some of the advice given to me over time has been fantastic but I know when I hear advice that is flat out not a good idea because I know him. Even trained educated professionals can give very bad advice based on what they know about autism but a parent knows habits, rituals, and the personality of their own child and that has always come first for us. To many parents become defeated by this and saying no is okay to do. Easy to forget when you are buried in paperwork with a multitude of people telling you what needs to happen all at the same time. Stop and focus on what you know could help and what you know will not. Sometime what will not work creates a storm that lasts much longer than the moment you tried it. If that happens and it will, start over.
4. NEVER compare. An child with autism is different with abilities that often the parent sees when others don't. When a child without autism is standing next to your child and the difference is clear, don't dwell on it. Number one reason when everyone goes home at the end of the day every single child challenges a parent in one way or another and every single child has abilities not everyone sees.
5. FILTER your life. If you find yourself surrounded by people who refuse to accept that autism cannot be fixed, surround yourself with different people. It's easy to forget that a child who cannot communicate well or seems to be in another world is listening to every word spoken. Those words matter.
6. SLOW ADJUSTMENTS are okay. Changing a habit is extremely difficult and changing one small step in the process over time has taught my son small changes are okay. We are still working on big ones but that is where the patience comes in. An example of how small of a change is a good one would be, on a good day having my son put socks on before his pants. That might sound irrelevant but for the way his mind holds habits, it is a big deal. It's not the change in the system that matters, what matters is it was done and he felt okay doing it. The key is to not get completely stuck in the new pattern switching it back from time to time has helped him recognize it's acceptable to do. These little changes happen all the time now and before I figured this out nothing changed, ever.
7. PRAISE is underestimated. There is almost no material reward my son will work for, other than a Tictac or a cookie. An accomplishment means the world to him as long as it's followed with words of praise, a high five, and a ton of "you're awesome!" Yes, he might do something for a cookie but the emotional response from others is much more valuable. Not to mention if he isn't hungry for a cookie he won't budge and every child is always hungry for smiles and praise.
8. No one is PERFECT. Forget what others expect and that I don't need to explain, just do it.
9. PAUSE. Many times when I ask my son to do something I pause and I wait. I might repeat it but I don't always have to. The typical reaction to a child not listening right away is frustration and that makes sense. You say it and expect it to be heard and reacted to right away but in this house that pause makes all the difference in the world for everyone, even siblings. When we pause the reaction comes most of the time. The pause relates to 1 and 2 above and I can't say it applies to other children but it has certainly saved us from numerous potential meltdowns and if that pause can help anyone avoid that, it's is important to add to the list.
10. FAILURE IS OKAY. One thing I know from trying to learn what helps my son is I will fail repeatedly and have but each time I discovered more about him and what not do to. Once it's done that is not totally a failure because it moves us forward even if we have to go a little backwards to make it happen.
Ten things that could improve life we don't have to buy and they won't fix everything but they might have an impact that eases things. In the end these ten things don't just apply to raising a child with autism, they apply to raising a child in general because being a parent is not easy for anyone. In fact sometimes the hardest thing about being a parent is thinking we aren't good enough at it and that is when you see number 8 above.
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