For instant smiles...you must see this!

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=ba6_1356372323

    If you haven't had the privilege of seeing this fantastic kid slappin beats on a washing machine you must check out the link above for an instant smile! We see a lot of videos of very cool things autistic kids are doing but this is one that really put the biggest smile on my face. Phillip is very into sounds around the house and investigating them so when he caught a glimpse of this young man making music on a washing machine his reaction was priceless!

     He instantly stood up and began to laugh hysterically then he started to move his hands trying to mimic what the boy is doing. It's one thing to see something cool and another to see the smile on my sons face as though he completely understands why the boy is wanted to do it.

     For instant smiles click above and be sure to catch the grin on the boys face, because it will make your own smile just a bit bigger.

     Merry Christmas and may the joy of Christmas flood your homes in a way you can't escape it!

The isolation of an autism parent

                Isolation of the autism parent is a topic that came up today on facebook and yesterday I actually did sit down to write about this with a blank mind. Today I decided this is a very important topic so others can understand, at least in our case, why we tend to isolate. I have grown used to being somewhat isolated at home but that doesn’t mean I enjoy it day in and day out.

                When I am invited somewhere I tend to ask myself three questions. Is the situation something Phillip can tolerate even for a bit? Will there be a large crowd and is there an escape route? Meaning if Phillip begins a meltdown can I remove him from what has overwhelmed him quickly because once he is all in, I have no power to help him. I suppose I could skip thinking about these things and just jump in and see what happens but there has been so many times we have ended up in a public place completely overwhelmed and no way to escape, with an audience building. That is a very difficult place to be and we avoid it if we can. Unfortunately avoiding it does lead to isolation.

                I think many people understand this element of raising an autistic child and public outings but then there are the times I get invited to go somewhere and I would have to leave Phillip with someone else. I can do that for a short time but overnight is out of the question. Last night a trip to New Zealand came up and I was invited. Only a crazy person would decline an invitation like that but I had no choice but to say no.

                The routine for my son is important and yes the routine changes. We just moved very far from what he knew and he has adjusted well but there has also been a key element in the move that stayed the same….me. For the most part I can read his physical cues so meeting his needs is not impossible but this has come with being with him every day. Sometimes even family members who are around him all the time have a difficult time and honestly I can’t say I always know what he wants. No matter how many changes were to come his way having the routine of me there with him, even during hard times, helps to ease him and get back on track. If I were to take off for a vacation or overnight adventure his line of communication and routine is broken. The impact is not one I want to discover at this point in his life. This can be viewed as paranoid or coddling my son or even a lack of trust in who could care for him but it is none of those things.

                I trust every person in my life to care for my son and know he would be safe and loved, but at the same time there is a processing limit he has. I can see the signals that he is reaching that limit and know when it’s time to go and get back to the isolation we have grown used to. His routine is not something I could write instructions for and take off because many things are signals and processing elements tossed in with lack of communication and the simple fact of being a strong willed three year old.

                That being said, it would be cruel to take off for a New Zealand adventure just because I want to. Cruel to him and cruel to the brave soul who stepped up to care for him because the routine is not just a dictated order, it’s a daily connection with each other. This connection is one reason I shake my head every time I hear someone say autism doesn’t build emotional connections. I can say from three years of daily interaction my son’s emotional connection and attachment is so strong it’s nearly impossible to put into words others can understand.

                For those who invite an autism parent somewhere and they decline or leave early it may be a bit more complicated than it appears to be and for those who have had to decline or leave early, the adventures will come. For now try to remember the ability to understand your child like no other is an adventure beyond words that many people wouldn’t have the bravery to jump into with love and grace.

My respect to autism service dogs!

 

              The house is growing quiet little by little and today I sent the big kids off to Montana to spend the Christmas break with their dad. This was the first time they have flown alone and you could say nerves were getting the best of them. Made if off though, safe and sound. Next week dad heads back to Dutch Harbor Alaska for work and then things will really be quiet...probably to quiet.

                Maybe I am a little weird but I like going to the airport because in all the chaos there are so many different people. You have soldiers, families, business travelers, and I noticed a lot of kids traveling alone for the holiday to families far away. In the mix of all the people I spotted a family with four kids. All of the kids were under the age of ten and what caught my attention was a guide dog that was flying right along side of the family.

                One thing that has seemed to happen to me is I am able to spot autism now in other children, if it’s clear anyway and a year ago kids with autism weren’t even a part of my thinking process. I would have never noticed this difference in children if I hadn’t been forced to learn and be educated. Sometimes you see a child who potentially has autism and the way mom or dad are handling things confirms it. Sometimes you see a child who may be autistic and the parents don’t have a clue, which shows also. The stress of the parent is flowing and for good reason if they don’t understand why there child is different. I didn’t occur to me the guide dog was an autism guide dog until I watched for bit and I have to say once I figured it out I was blown away by how much help this dog had to be for the family.

                The dog was a medium sized black lab and still appeared to be somewhat of a puppy and on the end of his leash was a little girl around the age of five or six. The little girl was distracted by everything but the dog was not. Mom and dad were busy trying to stay as organized as possible and manage all of the kids at the same time. Most of the time mom had her back to her daughter working away and I was so very full of envy she was able to do this! Every time the little girl wanted to wander the dog would not move an inch, keeping his eyes on mom and dad. Mom would circle around the luggage rack and the dog would follow right along with the little girl. I wish I could have seen up close if the little girl was actually hanging onto the leash or if it was attached somehow but I assume it was attached to her.

                Bottom line for this awesome autism dog, this little girl had a four legged friend whose sole purpose was to keep her safe and close and nothing was going to break that dog’s mission. I left Phillip at home for this airport trip for the simple fact it would have been a nightmare. Just thinking about keeping him directed and calm in a sea of people gave me anxiety, so watching the dog erase that anxiety for the family was just amazing. I bet that amazing dog even guided her through security with no problem at all. Phillip would have broken the moment we had to stand in line and the day would have only grown worse from there which made me have to fight the urge to bother this family with a million questions about how the dog has helped them with daily life. It made me want to board the plane with the kids and possibly become the most annoying autism mommy this family ever experienced.

                I read articles about guide dogs for autism and people have told me how they help but to see it in action is pretty moving when you understand the challenges. Ipads are fun and easy to use but these dogs can increase the quality of life for an entire family in such an important way, more families need these dogs. From what I could see in a very short time and just watching from a distance guide dogs for autism is an extreme necessity or at least after watching this one in action….I am sure feeling like one would be an extreme necessity around here.

 

               Here is a link to more information on autism service dogs   http://voices.yahoo.com/autism-service-dogs-5550825.html?cat=5

               

 

Guns, Government, Mental Health, Video games! huh?

                I stayed up late last night watching CNN even though late last night I said I wasn’t going to do that anymore so I could clear my mind. In the madness of our country right now and America has been mad for a while now I think we can establish one thing….we are so divided, so ignorant, so misinformed, so stubborn, so blind, and so sick in general there may not be an answer or resolve to the mess we have created.

                I have watched autism, guns, mental health, video games, government, and even white supremacy blamed for the violence happening in our country. Some of which could play a role and some of which surely have not.

                If we all sat back and really thought about how our society has changed in the past twenty years I think we could actually outline how it all went wrong. We have become a desensitized and no one did it to us, we did it to ourselves. We have all seen it happening right in front of our faces and in our homes as time has passed. Your child can’t communicate with people face to face because texting is easier and most kids will actually tell you that these days. Video games are horribly violent and yes kids need to understand these are make believe forms of entertainment but we have seen kids get so attached to this entertainment reality becomes distant. Small kids plugged into violence because some parents find it easier to plug them in than to raise them. TV used to be free of extreme violence on our basic channels and over time the bar has been pushed. Each time creating a window to push the bar just a little more. Until sitting down with your kids to watch TV or a rented movie is like taking a risk against your morals and you know you’re going to lose. These things are totally normal to kids these days by the way.

                We have a right to bear arms but we don’t care who has them. Doesn’t matter if a person’s mind is healthy or not, money grants the right to own. Other then felons or domestic violence offenders who we all know still bear arms because there is no way to stop them. We can instill gun control but enforcing it would be nearly impossible at this point. Unless every household is emptied of military style assault weapons and then we have the guns that are on the streets illegally, which we already have not been able to stop. Already against the law and already out of control.

                Mental health is certainly at a crisis and we could say that began the moment the first anti-depressant pill, ADHD pill, Anxiety pill, and every other fix me now pill was prescribed. It’s as easy as saying your sad to the doctor and POOF….a smile in a bottle is placed in our hands, no matter what changes in our personal lives may need to be addressed. Pain killers are passed out like candy and America is eating them at an alarming rate. All of these things change the chemistry of our minds.

                The internet and yes I do know the irony of blogging and blasting the internet at the same time, there is no limit on what people can see or seek out. It’s an open door to every kind of scum on earth to find victims at their disposal. Child predators just have to log on and pick one and even though we try to teach safety we all know our kids are never 100% safe online. People type things to each other they probably would never say face to face because seeing someone in person hopefully inspires some kind of human connection and empathy but words on a screen mean nothing when it comes to someone’s personal value. We also see the violence some kids are being subjected to by their own parents and recorded with a cell phone. It was just last week I saw on the news a parent who drove their daughter to a bus stop to beat up another girl and recorded it, rooting her on during the assault. We see bullies attacking victims and then when the victim is forced to fight back we root them on, with no thought as to who is recording the event with no action as long as we get to see it. We see this all the time and we watch it because it’s become a sick form of entertainment for so many.

 We have become out of control because we have slowly allowed ourselves to lose control to the boiling point. Only now we are mad and want something done as long as we aren’t told what we can or can’t do. We want to point the finger at whatever we can to find reason for the madness and everyone is pointing in a different direction. Guns, Government, media, and the list of things to blame go on and on with everyone shouting a different issue at each other.

When all of this began the first thing I heard on the news was “autism lacks empathy for others” and that statement was mind blowing to me considering a good percentage of our young society couldn’t define the word empathy if asked to. We have lost it and still during a time we all know we are in trouble we still can’t seem to grasp compromise and empathy towards each other to fight for the morals, standards, and safety we all want in our daily lives.

In between meltdowns.

                 Phillip had a meltdown marathon yesterday and well, these days happen. Not as often as they could but when they do it is completely draining. It’s not the meltdowns that drain you and he is a three years old so tantrums are going to come no matter what. What is honestly draining about these days is the inability to help him or to know what has caused him to have such a hard day. This morning he seems ok so far and unfortunately we have to just move on from yesterday with no answer.

                Days like this also have an effect on the mom and dad unit. I am pretty real about the autism element in our lives and my grasp on the fact sometimes nothing can be done is a good grasp. Not an easy grasp as a mother but I have faced it enough to know I can really do nothing at times. Dad tends to keep the faith a little stronger then I do and believes  if he handles it like you would a typical child, you will get a typical reaction. Over time this really has caused some static and frustration between him and me. I tend to stand back and watch the struggle thinking one day dad is going to understand,  you can do nothing for him but leave him alone, but dad is a stubborn old bull.

                Yesterday in the heat of things and after dad had made several typical attempts to calm Phillip, I stepped in and took Phillip upstairs so he could be alone and calm himself. I came back downstairs and could see the frustration on dad and some hurt from not being able to help. I had to say something to him I hadn’t yet and also have been avoiding since the autism diagnosis but the longer this goes on the harder for everyone.

                I said to him, “I don’t want to come off as cruel but you need to realize our son is not typical. He is not going to react the way you are hoping he will and honestly he may never.”

                After I said it I realized even I needed to hear that. I know things have to be very different raising him and I know typical parenting won’t work but I also know many times I have hoped for a typical reaction. Maybe I am not as outwardly clear about it as dad is but guilty just as well. 

                When you think you already have some experience in parenting and then an autism diagnosis comes your way something happens. It almost feels like you are the new kid in school. You don’t know your way around, you feel like everyone is looking at you, and let’s just say a new country to because there is a huge language barrier. Everything you thought you knew is now irrelevant and adjusting is extremely hard, not impossible, but hard.

                With all that said dads stubborn will to hang onto typical could also be a very positive trait for Phillip as he gets older because even though he is not typical…he will wanted to be treated that way. In between meltdowns that is.

Connecticut Shooting - Tribute, Memorial, Vigil, Prayers - Sandy Hook El...

Grab your kleenex today. There is a women in this video about half way through who is buckled over with a nun standing near her. This picture ignited a thought......America needs to stop acting like entitled brats and come together. Compromise and evolve because society is evolving and we aren't keeping up. I can only imagine the woman in the pic was just told her child is dead. If that doesn't make you think and feel....nothing will.

You will be judged the second you walk into a room.

                  I saw something this morning that made me think a little too hard with my first cup of coffee but couldn’t be further from the truth. It read...”they say to be yourself, and then they judge you.” How many times do we tell our children to be themselves? If you’re like me you say this to your kids constantly and you mean it but the reality of society is judgment comes no matter what.  We even remind ourselves all the time not to judge and then we do it, even if we don’t want to admit it.

                We judge each other by appearance, financial class, parenting, religion, race, political views, and neurological differences. There is more but those are the main categories that come to mind right now. When I was a kid I was constantly questioning everything about the world and the people in it. I fought desperately to not be a social drone, mostly because I was socially awkward and embracing it was easier than fighting it. I found if I looked as out of place as I felt no one questioned it, except for my parents of course and they had many more reasons for concern than my desire to embrace different. I remember a day my mom was very frustrated with my clothing selection and really this was everyday but she didn’t always say anything to me about it.

                On this day she said to me, “Jenn, no matter what you decide to do with yourself in life or how you choose to look, people will judge you the second you walk in the room.”

                I was a teenager so of course I didn’t listen, I never did, but her statement actually never left my mind. As a kid you don’t want to believe this so you hang on to the notion people are truly looking past all of those outside elements searching for your personality. Over time my mom’s words began to ring true over and over again. Not as a kid by the way but traveling into the adult years of life. I actually don’t remember being judged as a kid other than by adults.

                As an adult I realized a quiet personality sometimes meant that people thought I was dumb and still do. Being overweight means you are unhealthy and being skinny means you are healthy, not true by the way. I am skinny and I know plenty of people of struggle with weight who could run circles around me and I have no doubt will live longer. Going to church on Sunday makes you a bible thumper and going to a bar on Friday night makes you a drunk.  If you live in suburbia you must have a nice family and if you live in a trailer park, you must be trashy. There are so many more I could point out because the judgment list goes on and on and when I sit back and think of all these things it actually never ends.

                When we tell our children to be themselves we mean it and we want them to be comfortable with who they are no matter what but at the same time my mom’s words over 20 years ago are dead on as I got older. It’s interesting with my son being different from other kids because when we go places I do see the looks on people’s faces in regard to his difference but I can’t think of one time another child gave him a look or a child judged me as his parent. In fact kids will just flat out ask why or carry on with what they are doing. Most of the time they don’t even notice Phillip is different and still engage with him as they would any other child.

                Kids really are looking for each other’s personality even through all the differences they have. We aren’t born judging each other but we sure do teach it, perfect it, deny it, and practice it often as adults. How difficult it must be for kids to take the advice of so many adults who really should be taking the silent advice we can see in them if we pay attention. On that note, try living just one day with absolutely no judgment towards anyone. You might find it’s much harder than you think and if you are successful you are an extreme asset to the human race and I wish we could all embrace that ability, or should I say hang onto it.