Guns, Government, Mental Health, Video games! huh?

                I stayed up late last night watching CNN even though late last night I said I wasn’t going to do that anymore so I could clear my mind. In the madness of our country right now and America has been mad for a while now I think we can establish one thing….we are so divided, so ignorant, so misinformed, so stubborn, so blind, and so sick in general there may not be an answer or resolve to the mess we have created.

                I have watched autism, guns, mental health, video games, government, and even white supremacy blamed for the violence happening in our country. Some of which could play a role and some of which surely have not.

                If we all sat back and really thought about how our society has changed in the past twenty years I think we could actually outline how it all went wrong. We have become a desensitized and no one did it to us, we did it to ourselves. We have all seen it happening right in front of our faces and in our homes as time has passed. Your child can’t communicate with people face to face because texting is easier and most kids will actually tell you that these days. Video games are horribly violent and yes kids need to understand these are make believe forms of entertainment but we have seen kids get so attached to this entertainment reality becomes distant. Small kids plugged into violence because some parents find it easier to plug them in than to raise them. TV used to be free of extreme violence on our basic channels and over time the bar has been pushed. Each time creating a window to push the bar just a little more. Until sitting down with your kids to watch TV or a rented movie is like taking a risk against your morals and you know you’re going to lose. These things are totally normal to kids these days by the way.

                We have a right to bear arms but we don’t care who has them. Doesn’t matter if a person’s mind is healthy or not, money grants the right to own. Other then felons or domestic violence offenders who we all know still bear arms because there is no way to stop them. We can instill gun control but enforcing it would be nearly impossible at this point. Unless every household is emptied of military style assault weapons and then we have the guns that are on the streets illegally, which we already have not been able to stop. Already against the law and already out of control.

                Mental health is certainly at a crisis and we could say that began the moment the first anti-depressant pill, ADHD pill, Anxiety pill, and every other fix me now pill was prescribed. It’s as easy as saying your sad to the doctor and POOF….a smile in a bottle is placed in our hands, no matter what changes in our personal lives may need to be addressed. Pain killers are passed out like candy and America is eating them at an alarming rate. All of these things change the chemistry of our minds.

                The internet and yes I do know the irony of blogging and blasting the internet at the same time, there is no limit on what people can see or seek out. It’s an open door to every kind of scum on earth to find victims at their disposal. Child predators just have to log on and pick one and even though we try to teach safety we all know our kids are never 100% safe online. People type things to each other they probably would never say face to face because seeing someone in person hopefully inspires some kind of human connection and empathy but words on a screen mean nothing when it comes to someone’s personal value. We also see the violence some kids are being subjected to by their own parents and recorded with a cell phone. It was just last week I saw on the news a parent who drove their daughter to a bus stop to beat up another girl and recorded it, rooting her on during the assault. We see bullies attacking victims and then when the victim is forced to fight back we root them on, with no thought as to who is recording the event with no action as long as we get to see it. We see this all the time and we watch it because it’s become a sick form of entertainment for so many.

 We have become out of control because we have slowly allowed ourselves to lose control to the boiling point. Only now we are mad and want something done as long as we aren’t told what we can or can’t do. We want to point the finger at whatever we can to find reason for the madness and everyone is pointing in a different direction. Guns, Government, media, and the list of things to blame go on and on with everyone shouting a different issue at each other.

When all of this began the first thing I heard on the news was “autism lacks empathy for others” and that statement was mind blowing to me considering a good percentage of our young society couldn’t define the word empathy if asked to. We have lost it and still during a time we all know we are in trouble we still can’t seem to grasp compromise and empathy towards each other to fight for the morals, standards, and safety we all want in our daily lives.

In between meltdowns.

                 Phillip had a meltdown marathon yesterday and well, these days happen. Not as often as they could but when they do it is completely draining. It’s not the meltdowns that drain you and he is a three years old so tantrums are going to come no matter what. What is honestly draining about these days is the inability to help him or to know what has caused him to have such a hard day. This morning he seems ok so far and unfortunately we have to just move on from yesterday with no answer.

                Days like this also have an effect on the mom and dad unit. I am pretty real about the autism element in our lives and my grasp on the fact sometimes nothing can be done is a good grasp. Not an easy grasp as a mother but I have faced it enough to know I can really do nothing at times. Dad tends to keep the faith a little stronger then I do and believes  if he handles it like you would a typical child, you will get a typical reaction. Over time this really has caused some static and frustration between him and me. I tend to stand back and watch the struggle thinking one day dad is going to understand,  you can do nothing for him but leave him alone, but dad is a stubborn old bull.

                Yesterday in the heat of things and after dad had made several typical attempts to calm Phillip, I stepped in and took Phillip upstairs so he could be alone and calm himself. I came back downstairs and could see the frustration on dad and some hurt from not being able to help. I had to say something to him I hadn’t yet and also have been avoiding since the autism diagnosis but the longer this goes on the harder for everyone.

                I said to him, “I don’t want to come off as cruel but you need to realize our son is not typical. He is not going to react the way you are hoping he will and honestly he may never.”

                After I said it I realized even I needed to hear that. I know things have to be very different raising him and I know typical parenting won’t work but I also know many times I have hoped for a typical reaction. Maybe I am not as outwardly clear about it as dad is but guilty just as well. 

                When you think you already have some experience in parenting and then an autism diagnosis comes your way something happens. It almost feels like you are the new kid in school. You don’t know your way around, you feel like everyone is looking at you, and let’s just say a new country to because there is a huge language barrier. Everything you thought you knew is now irrelevant and adjusting is extremely hard, not impossible, but hard.

                With all that said dads stubborn will to hang onto typical could also be a very positive trait for Phillip as he gets older because even though he is not typical…he will wanted to be treated that way. In between meltdowns that is.

Connecticut Shooting - Tribute, Memorial, Vigil, Prayers - Sandy Hook El...

Grab your kleenex today. There is a women in this video about half way through who is buckled over with a nun standing near her. This picture ignited a thought......America needs to stop acting like entitled brats and come together. Compromise and evolve because society is evolving and we aren't keeping up. I can only imagine the woman in the pic was just told her child is dead. If that doesn't make you think and feel....nothing will.

Let it be known...autistics do NOT lack empathy.

     I took a break today from the news as my stomach was in knots and tears were just to hard to fend off thinking about the families in Connecticut. Although I turned my thoughts away from it, or tried, it was still on the front of my mind like all parents today in America. When I sat down tonight to check Facebook I found I had missed the part of the news I needed to see and we all know why.

     The man who carried out this massacre is now rumored to have autism among other things he struggled with. When I see this come up it just takes that knife and twists it right in. What always follows is ignorant, yet educated, expert telling all of America autism lacks empathy. People start coming forward with statements about how "weird" the person was. That is when every person with autism or who is fighting to raise awareness slumps back and knows they are now starting all over to stop this way of viewing those effected. I just came across it and I slumped back and realized we don't have to keep sitting back and watching this happen all over again and say nothing. I say again because the same rumor flew shortly after the theater tragedy. Even if these are not just rumors it in no way means autism played any part in what was done.

      Kids and adults with autism do not lack empathy and I can't express that enough. What they do is fight to make sense of things, including emotions of others. I don't mean they don't understand emotion, I mean they view expressions differently. They may react differently but lack empathy? No way.

      My son is three and autistic and I want to give an example of his regard for feelings of others to clear the confusion media creates. I was sick for three days with the stomach flu. On the couch and out of commission. Not only sick but my head hurt so bad I wanted to cry. Day two I woke up in the morning and my three year old non verbal son was standing beside the bed.

      I wanted to stop that paragraph so your mind could go were media has led it. Think about what you might imagine he was doing at this point. From what you know of autism did your mind go in a negative direction? For many of you it probably didn't but someone who doesn't know autism it did. My son was holding my hand, brushing the hair out of my eyes, and when I opened my eyes he smiled. When I said good morning to him, he laughed and danced with joy. I will add he held my hand very carefully and gently moved my hair from my eyes because he knew I hadn't been feeling my best.

      To clear the media driven, misleading,distorted,incorrect information that pollutes the air....this example I have given you, is the kind of empathy autism has and we rarely hear about on the news.

Extreme prayers for Connecticut.

http://rt.com/usa/news/shooting-reported-connecticut-school-085/

                 I woke up to the sun shining through the windows and all hell breaking loose across the country.  Just a few days ago a shooting happened in an Oregon mall and innocent people were killed as well. I can’t imagine the terror and impact these things have on victims, if they are one who is able to walk away. We call this a shooting but what it really is an act of terrorism to our own by our own. Not created by a group of religious crazy people our government can track but random Americans we never see coming. To me that is so much more frightening to imagine. Not making light of global terrorism by any means but right here in our own homeland do we feel safe? Most people would say yes, but many people who are affected forever would say a very strong no.

                Most people feel safe getting on a plane these days but how many of us know and understand a random act of violence just leaving the house can be reality. How are these people stopped? Gun control is not the answer because gun control only works for law abiding citizens who aren’t planning to kill. We can instill gun control to the end of time but people who are killing with guns will not obey the laws. Do we arm someone in schools who is trained, trusted, and ready to stop this madness? One would say no way; my child can’t go to a school with an armed faculty member. Then again, if you woke up to this madness and it was your child’s school maybe you would have wanted someone there to stop this person by any means possible because it meant your child’s life.

                Then there is the mental health side of these shootings. What in the hell is happening to the minds of these people that create this desire in the first place? It’s hard to even write about this issue being a parent and maybe you dropped off your child this morning at school with a smile and a “have a great day” so you can actually feel a fraction of the pain these parents are feeling. Only a fraction because the real impact is something we can’t grasp unless it happens to us.

                Going to end this blog today by sending extreme prayer to the families, children, entire community that has been faced with the ultimate evil this morning. My heart aches for every person affected and that affect will last forever. Maybe this has happened far away from many of us but if you are human, this has to hit close to home.