I saw something this morning that made me think a little too
hard with my first cup of coffee but couldn’t be further from the truth. It
read...”they say to be yourself, and then they judge you.” How many times do we
tell our children to be themselves? If you’re like me you say this to your kids
constantly and you mean it but the reality of society is judgment comes no
matter what. We even remind ourselves
all the time not to judge and then we do it, even if we don’t want to admit it.
We
judge each other by appearance, financial class, parenting, religion, race,
political views, and neurological differences. There is more but those are the main
categories that come to mind right now. When I was a kid I was constantly
questioning everything about the world and the people in it. I fought desperately
to not be a social drone, mostly because I was socially awkward and embracing
it was easier than fighting it. I found if I looked as out of place as I felt
no one questioned it, except for my parents of course and they had many more
reasons for concern than my desire to embrace different. I remember a day my
mom was very frustrated with my clothing selection and really this was everyday
but she didn’t always say anything to me about it.
On this
day she said to me, “Jenn, no matter what you decide to do with yourself in
life or how you choose to look, people will judge you the second you walk in
the room.”
I was a
teenager so of course I didn’t listen, I never did, but her statement actually
never left my mind. As a kid you don’t want to believe this so you hang on to
the notion people are truly looking past all of those outside elements searching
for your personality. Over time my mom’s words began to ring true over and over
again. Not as a kid by the way but traveling into the adult years of life. I
actually don’t remember being judged as a kid other than by adults.
As an
adult I realized a quiet personality sometimes meant that people thought I was
dumb and still do. Being overweight means you are unhealthy and being skinny
means you are healthy, not true by the way. I am skinny and I know plenty of
people of struggle with weight who could run circles around me and I have no
doubt will live longer. Going to church on Sunday makes you a bible thumper and
going to a bar on Friday night makes you a drunk. If you live in suburbia you must have a nice
family and if you live in a trailer park, you must be trashy. There are so many
more I could point out because the judgment list goes on and on and when I sit
back and think of all these things it actually never ends.
When we
tell our children to be themselves we mean it and we want them to be
comfortable with who they are no matter what but at the same time my mom’s
words over 20 years ago are dead on as I got older. It’s interesting with my
son being different from other kids because when we go places I do see the
looks on people’s faces in regard to his difference but I can’t think of one
time another child gave him a look or a child judged me as his parent. In fact
kids will just flat out ask why or carry on with what they are doing. Most of
the time they don’t even notice Phillip is different and still engage with him
as they would any other child.
Kids
really are looking for each other’s personality even through all the
differences they have. We aren’t born judging each other but we sure do teach
it, perfect it, deny it, and practice it often as adults. How difficult it must
be for kids to take the advice of so many adults who really should be taking
the silent advice we can see in them if we pay attention. On that note, try
living just one day with absolutely no judgment towards anyone. You might find
it’s much harder than you think and if you are successful you are an extreme
asset to the human race and I wish we could all embrace that ability, or should
I say hang onto it.
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