Allowing him to follow his mind is very important, when I can allow it.

               Big adventure today and it was awesome. The goal of the day was to take an antique to a “specialist” and get an opinion and that goal was accomplished but it wasn’t the part of the day I enjoyed. We took a ferry over to Seattle and I have wanted to do this for a while now because even though I grew up here I haven’t actually been to the city in almost ten years. I have been very worried about Phillip being able to handle a trip like that and not being able to just go home as quickly as we can around town.

                He LOVED the ferry ride in every way. From watching the cars load, the water, the ferry moving, and feel of it rumbling under him was fascinating to him. The look on his face when we drove on to the ferry was interested and a little concerned at the same time. My dad bought some bread to feed the seagulls and even though this brought a crowd of tourists, Phillip didn’t have much of a concern for those birds eating right out of grandpa’s hands. He was on a big, moving, rumbling, water craft so birds couldn’t compete. I can’t count how many times Phillip said “o my gosh” when we first got on that ferry and that made for a very good start.

                He liked driving through the city and he liked the short walk down the waterfront that he held my hand for, while we waited for the ferry to take us home. The day went perfectly and without one meltdown! I can tell you when this happens I know what I am doing right and I just can’t do it every time we leave the house. It’s common for people to believe your child must be under your control at all times. They should follow your commands and listen to every word you say. They should do what most children do, follow directions and pay attention or that’s the idea right? No, for us it’s a bit different and I can see how some people would judge me just by watching. I don’t do this with him, I try, but not like I am expected to by society. My child runs into people, he wanders, he kicks into high gear and goes. He goes until his mind is tired. If I constantly tried to force him into a social expectation his mind would fight back and by fight back I mean meltdown.

                His mind is constantly seeking information and I learned a long time ago to let him follow his mind. He leads and I follow patiently and when I say patiently I mean to an extreme. I am two steps behind him and if he is not causing a disruption he is allowed to chase that desire for information. If I want to go left and his mind wants to go right we go right, if we can. Of course there are times we can’t do this but on a large boat there was no reason to force him to do anything but what his mind wanted to do. While walking on waterfront there were people everywhere and busy shops and at one point he let go of my hand and ran into one. I didn’t want to go in, not one bit but I let him and when we stepped in I could see what he was after. Small airplanes were hanging from the ceiling and it blew my mind in all the chaos around him he noticed them. I wouldn’t have noticed them because I was so busy watching everything! His mind reached out and noticed exactly what he loves in a shop full of stuff and on a street full of distractions. That fascinates me because I could have easily grabbed him and said no, we are not going in there. He would have never been able to show me what grabbed his attention and I may have thought he was just trying to run but he had a reason for letting go and wanted to show me. He got a plane out of the deal to so there was a perk and we could have left without one peacefully. He touched it and that was enough for him. I personally wanted to get him a plane and he never wants me to buy him a toy, he really just wants to investigate it and move on. He honestly doesn’t care if he gets to take it home or not.

                On a daily basis there is no way to always let his mind lead the way. I can’t take him into a grocery store and just let him run or go after what he wants. There are so many times in life there is an order and you have to be able to pass distractions and it’s something he hasn’t figured out yet. He is working on it though and I have watched him pass distractions lately. It’s not easy for him and sometimes just allowing him to touch takes care of it and he can move on. On the other hand he can’t touch everything and he can’t always go where he wants to so I do have to step in. I really love the days he can follow his mind and do what he needs to do. I see how it helps him get through the event and that extreme patience doesn’t seem very extreme because the payoff is worth every second of it. It just feels like doing what he needs and that’s my job. It’s also interesting to see the faces of others who are clearly wondering why I just allow him to do it.

 There was man on the boat who was trying to get him to look at the birds and that man said to me “he doesn’t seem to care about the birds like the other kids.” No, and he doesn’t have to. It may seem odd for people on the outside looking in to see a child who isn’t doing what is expected but to an autism parent seeing a child do what is expected seems odd after a while.