When my son is sick the challenges are just a bit different.

                What is it like to have a sick three year old with autism? Well it’s a whole new ball game as far as parenting goes. Phillip is a pretty healthy boy and this morning he woke up tossing his cookies. First challenge is not that his stomach is upset because he is my third child; I am almost desensitized to body fluid. First challenge is he is terrified of tossing his cookies so he tilts his head back and wants me to hold him. My only goal is to prevent him from choking and the rest is aftermath that can be cleaned up.

                Now that I possibly made you want to toss your cookies, we move on to the second challenge. Lack of communication and this is the trickiest part of the process. Even at 3.5 years old he cannot tell me what hurts, how he feels, if he has a headache, if he is tired, hungry, or thirsty. All of those things you could typically ask and get some kind of response to but not in this case, I have to guess. To be honest sometimes I have no idea and sometimes I can read his body language. If he has a fever I assume he is cold but he doesn’t like to be covered with blankets or wear clothes. Some time in a warm bath has worked in the past to bring that fever down for a bit, but a temporary fix. I will offer him food or a drink but many times he is so frustrated with how he feels just trying to help him in any certain way makes things worse. If I see him look up and squint I can assume headache and if he hunches over I can assume stomach ache. Small clues that help me decide what I can do for him.  I do whatever and anything I can with persistence until we find that one thing that gives him some ease. The only way I know we found that one way is he will want me to hold him and that is the moment I breathe a sigh of relief no matter how long it lasts.

                The third challenge is what I call the zero to sixty effect because he will go from totally healthy to the E.R. within 24 hours. His tolerance level is high so he is able to push on until his little body just simply can’t push. This happened with his antibiotic reaction and it was frightening. One day he was fine and within 24 hours I couldn’t get him to stay awake. Once we arrived at the E.R. the series of questions they ask to determine the problem may not pertain to how he reacted. Meaning he was in fact allergic but the symptoms he had were not exactly what the files say should happen. Or you can’t even answer most of the questions because your child doesn’t talk in a way people think he should. Many questions hospitals ask are regard to how he responds but he doesn’t respond like many kids do, so I don’t always have the answer they are looking for or I answer based instinct and instinct isn’t always taken very seriously.

                The last and but least challenge is my very own mom instincts. For example today he cried but quickly his cry to turned into an ear piercing scream. Not typical for him at all the first thing that came into my mind was, what have I missed? Do I swoop him up and take him to the doctor immediately because in past that actually was necessary or do I wait, and that is a frightening feeling to wrestle with based on a sound your child makes or doesn’t in some cases.

                Sick and autism is in fact an entirely different experience and the one thing that is helpful is his ability to bounce back but during the commotion it is very difficult to manage. I have found prayer to be helpful;) but staying calm and looking for those body language clues have been key to being able to help him.  I also can’t say even with the body language clues I haven’t ended up sitting near him while he cries fighting my own tears. I have more than once, but I don’t think that is all that uncommon for any mom whose child is in distress. Some of us talk about and some of us don’t but we all know what helpless feels like to some degree as parents. I can’t write this on behalf of every child with autism but I can write this and feel pretty confident there are those who can relate. I also am not saying a child with autism who is sick compared to a non autistic child is harder because no parent would ever say a sick child is easy. Autism has just brought us some different challenges to tackle when the time comes and some of those challenges leave us on the bathroom floor crying with absolutely no shame involved. It’s necessary sometimes to clear the air and repower so to speak.