No Limits!

                The social stigma attached to autism always baffles me and let me explain just why that is. Yesterday we went to the mall and I wanted to let Phillip play in the kids area as long as it took to burn off the energy he had stored up from being home all the time. Play, get it out, have fun, and take all the time in the world to do it. The play area is a big circle with seats for parents and soft big toys to play on so he can’t really get hurt or get out easily. Not only does he get to play but I get to be basically worry free at the same time.

                I love to watch how he interacts and how he responds to the other kids. It’s not because he is learning how to be social but because I can say he is more in tune with social etiquette than most people would think. He loves other kids and is completely entertained watching them so he laughs at nearly everything. There was a lot of kids there and all within his age range so there was really no way to avoid being somewhat social. A couple of them were little wild men giving mom a hard time and some of them just doing what kids do. All of them were being good and kind to each other but even then kids do things we have to step in and correct them for. Some kids were grabbing and yanking other kids around or shoving, shoving is always a big issue with kids. Pushing, yelling, and touching each other comes naturally for the little ones.

                Phillip doesn’t touch other kids and any kind of touch is always instigated by others. He doesn’t pull or push on anyone and if it happens to him he carries on. We are told autistic kids don’t recognize the right social response to others and I know I can speak for my own son and other children as well when I say they do. There was a big wide slide that two children at a time can use and there was a pile up of kids using the slide. There were some little kids that could barely walk and the bigger ones who didn’t have a whole lot of patience to wait for the little ones to move. Phillip stood at the top and could see a little girl was at the bottom so he didn’t move. The kids coming up behind him were shoving and he stood his ground but eventually it was either find a safe way down or you’re going down by way of the child coming up behind. He slid down and stopped himself just at the bottom carefully placing his feet next to the little girl who was lying on the ground. He had to work a bit to avoid stepping on her and he was very successful at it. The next few kids came down and clobbered that little girl because she was in their way.

                Phillip continued to play for at least another hour and the entire time he was paying attention, close attention the other kids. He even knew which ones might be best to keep a distance from because the way they were interacting was a bit too much for him. No way was he going to give anyone the opportunity to grab his arm and drag him around or push him around. He just decided to carry on laughing and running with a safe distance from a few of the kids. Similar to what we do as adults, we keep a distance from people that are potentially a little too much.

                Phillips second speech therapist was a complete mess and when I spoke with the woman in charge she said to me “he did some things autistic kids don’t do.” I guess you could say that would be an encouraging statement but at the same time I don’t think that is ever a fair statement to make. If he does some things they say autistic kids don’t do and socially defies the stigma then autism isn’t what everyone believes it to be all the time.  Four therapists together diagnosed him and carefully diagnosed him so the statement “autistic kids don’t do that” should never be a statement we ever settle for. He is a little boy before he is an autistic little boy. He has a personality before he has autistic traits and I can’t think of one good reason anyone would set limits to what he can do. The common things we hear about autism are just that, things we hear and read, but children are not familiar with these limits. The endless paperwork that has been involved required us to give a strong yes or a strong no. If he did something that was questionable we had to pick one because an unclear answer that applied both ways was not acceptable. Limits and a direct no he doesn’t or yes he does was all that they would accept. I hated this part of the process because I couldn’t understand a direct yes or no when so much of the time nothing was that direct. At the time I felt like we were already being forced to set limits on his abilities and I just can’t wrap my mind around doing that to any child for any reason.  I don’t fill out paperwork the way I am told to anymore. If something is questionable I answer it in detail but I refuse to set any kind of limit on him.

                Before driving away from the bank yesterday Phillip let out a quiet little “thank you” to the teller. He has never done this and also has never said thank you, so saying it and at the right time was a pretty awesome moment. According the paperwork we filled out in Montana he would have had to do this more than once and while being told to. I would have heard something along the lines of, well one time and not when asked we should go with a no on that one. In other words that’s not good enough but let me tell you it’s beyond good enough when you hear it or see it happening. A boy they said may not understand seems to have the greatest understanding of all. That is he has no limits.