Actions speak extremely loud!

            

                Today was a boring Sunday and the weather wasn’t good enough to venture out much. I decided to go to the craft store and stock up on paint supplies for days just like today. My son won’t paint, finger paint anyway, because the feeling of paint on his hands is not a welcome feeling at all. I had intended on buying brushes but true to form the one item I forgot to get was paint brushes so finger painting was going to have to be the way of the day.

                I bought a ton of paint in every color and pulled out the muffin tin so he has easy access to it. Cleared the dining room floor and let him have at it. This is the part you imagine a three year old diving in and creating a huge mess but not this three year old. He carefully put just a dab on the tip of his finger and frantically looked for something to wipe it off with. I always want him to dive in but I know he won’t so I dove in instead hoping he would see there is no harm done and join me. We began with trees and flowers like most children like to see and he quickly became bored with my finger painting lack of creativity. It was getting hard to get his attention and slowly it was beginning to turn into me alone in the dining room covered in finger paint with Phillip wandering around looking for something better to do.

                That was when I knew I needed to change my approach. I was going with typical painting and his not so typical mind could have cared less.  It was time to turn on the classical music because he loves it and pulls in his busy mind. It was time to say goodbye to trees and flowers and I was more than happy with changing the approach because I was boring myself. I then proceeded to just make a mess and soon Phillip was standing over me watching with interest, walking around the picture and getting closer to the paint. Soon he sat down and started to touch the paint, carefully. Then he began to help a bit and didn’t appear to be too bothered by the paint on his hands. He did have a towel nearby to clean it off if he needed to and he did use it when the mess factor was too much. By the time we ran out of room on the paper his hands were covered in paint, his face, his arms, and he even had some in his armpit!

                I turned the music off and cleaned my owns hands off and this was when he realized what had just happened. The light went on that he was plastered in paint and did not like it one bit so up to the bath to ease his mood. I put that picture up to dry and the rest of the evening he has spent looking at our project and has gotten the picture down, gathering up the paints to do it again or add to it.

                My point to this story is, I had to stop what I was doing and try something that would pull him in. I had to help him forget about his worry of getting messy and focus on the chaos of the project. I am not sure without the chaos of it he would have ever paid attention. The music was a great help to distract him while he was watching and typically he loves classical to relax. I can relate to this part of how his mind works and I often see kids struggle in school because of boredom with the approach. The one thing I know my son and I have in common is a busy mind and if he gets bored frustration sets in. Or he simply walks away unfazed like when the project began. There has to be a way to be pulled in to forget the things that might cause a road block to the task. One of the biggest mistakes people make is underestimating just how busy an autistic mind is. With no words or very little it can be difficult to know but actions speak extremely loud.

                I have heard a few times from therapists the words “he must learn” and that is true he must but when I hear these words it is commonly in regard to learning to do what other kids his age will be doing. My question in the back of my mind is always, what if he doesn’t learn the way he is going to be taught?