My minivan doesn't have an awareness magnet and this is why.

                I was in town yesterday and a van passed by me with an autism awareness magnet on the back. Later that day I came across an autism awareness t-shirt and the question was if people would wear it. 99% of those people would wear it and wanted a number of them for themselves. We see a lot of autism awareness items pop up for sale to support the cause and we like to think the money goes back into autism research. Let’s hope that is exactly what happens and it’s helping families.

                I don’t buy these things and I don’t adorn a magnet on the back of my minivan and this is why. My son is one of the lucky kids who doesn’t face debilitating physical struggles and at this point he can do some interacting with people, not your typical interacting but regardless many kids can’t even do that with their own family members. Most of his struggle is based on transitions, routine, and becoming overwhelmed. A stranger may be totally unaware he struggles at all within the first few minutes of being around him. Give it a little more time and it becomes clear at some point. This is the very reason I don’t label him as autistic with autism awareness gear. If a stranger, at first, is unaware he is autistic then their perception of autism is not what we know it to be, in some cases.

                They might giggle at him and then try talking to him and eventually they give me a look as if they are wondering why his speech is not there or why is he at top speed with total lack of attention. Why is that mother not demanding her child sit still and control himself like a child is expected, is the look I get all the time. Eventually if we have that small chance of talking, there comes a chance to tell them he is autistic and sometimes the reaction is surprise. There perception of autism is not what they thought and to me that is a form of awareness that is important.

                If I was chasing him around sporting autism gear people might look at him and see autism before they see him. It is part of him and controls much of our lives but I don’t want people to overlook him looking for his autism. A sad reality is many people might not even try to interact with him if they knew he was autistic immediately. I don’t like that thought but it is a real one and many people would be afraid of how to approach him. They might be afraid of doing something wrong or how he will react to them so they would simply avoid it altogether. Those people are exactly who need an autism sneak attack so to speak. A quick lesson they didn’t see coming and didn’t know they were in the middle of. Maybe they up end walking away with a new perception or of course they could walk away thinking I am a lazy mom who just isn’t in control. Either way, they get a dose of autism they didn’t expect and that’s a good thing.

                There is another reason I don’t throw his autism diagnosis out for all to see in public and that is simply for him. I want him to feel pride in everything he is but I don’t want him to feel autism is everything he is. He is Phillip first and he needs to understand that, just as he needs to understand how to cope with his difference. I don’t want him to be so focused on being autistic as he grows up that he can’t focus on being Phillip. I don’t want him becoming so lost in autism that it becomes his greatest struggle in life. The experiences life will throw at us are struggle enough without thinking we have a difference that will hold us back. On that note he knows and will always know he is autistic but I don’t want him to believe it is a handicap because for him it is an element of life he can manage. The world will view him as handicap but I don’t want him to, even if that is reality.

                Now I want to add he is extremely lucky because so many families are not able to take this approach and so many children cannot and will not be able to manage the difference. When these autism sneak attacks happen I am able to explain that to people because it is also very important. I get a chance to spread a little awareness and sometimes I get to hear what people know about autism. Some people will jump right to Einstein, which gives me a giggle, and some people might apologize to me which  does not make me giggle at all. I might get an earful about a relative or a neighbor’s child and sometimes I am asked if I have ever read a Jenny McCarthy book...yikes on that one. I have read a Jenny McCarthy book and it consisted of her asking questions and doctor answering them. I found some informative health information but I did wonder how someone gets the title of an author by asking a series of questions. I have been asked if I have seen the movie Rain Man and I have decided to start saying no I have not just for fun. No matter what direction the conversation takes I am happy to be able to have that conversation with someone who may have avoided it to begin with. It is an important step in the process of awareness.