Sitting here tired as ever from two very long days but I don’t
want you to think I am complaining because I am also sitting here trying to
digest all of the fresh caught king crab we just devoured. I earned this
feeling and it’s a good one!
Yesterday
Phillip and I left for the Spokane airport to pick up dad. He has been away for
work for the last three months and it’s been this way for a while now. We stay
at the same hotel each time so Phillip does recognize now what this hotel means
and it means daddy is going to be here. He also knows the airport and loves to
walk around taking everything in. Luckily dad usually comes in late at night so
there is lots of room to run and wander around. This flight happened to be
coming in at midnight and Phillip would not and could not sleep. He knew what
was coming and refused to miss it.
When a
toddler is clearly excited for his dads return and knows what all of these
signals mean you would expect a certain reaction from him when the time finally
came. Not the case with Phillip at all. He is excited and he is happy but at
the same time the transition hits him hard and he can pull back a bit to take
it in slowly. Then all of sudden or maybe a day later…he has finally taken it
all in and completely at ease.
This
trip gave me some clear understanding of what is really going on with him as
far as how he feels. Autism makes this really hard to figure out sometimes because
he pulls back. That can be mistaken for not feeling and I know that is not the
case or even close to it.
Daddy
snuck up behind Phillip this time and put a toy airplane in front of him.
Phillip has an intense interest in flight and loves airplanes so dad wanted to
surprise him with a new plane to play with. When the airplane came into play
nothing else mattered and it was a long slow walk across the airport with
Phillip creating propeller sounds and practicing his flight patterns. It seemed
as though dads arrival went unnoticed but the vice grip Phillip had on this
plane was one I have never seen him do with any toy. He clutched that plane
with both hands and held it to his chest. He even fell asleep with that little
plane clutched in his hands holding it like it was the last toy plane on earth.
Most of today he had to have that plane in full view or in his hand. Even getting
him to let go of it to take his coat on and off with a struggle. He took that plane
in the bath with him and he has not allowed a new bath toy in over a year. He throws
them out no matter what.
Phillip
has a few toy airplanes he loves and we take them with us on a long trip but he
never plays with them. There is way too much going on the world to break focus
on all the things he is taking in. when I hear autism described as lack of
emotion it always makes me sad to think people take this description seriously.
What I see is not a lack but a way of showing emotion differently than what we
might be used to from kids and adults.
The
death grip with both hands on that little plane was not a love for a new toy at
all. New toys are really no big deal to him. It was a strong grip on how he
felt about seeing daddy again and this was the only way he could get that feeling
out. It’s been a full day now and we are home with dad. The plane has joined
the other planes on the coffee table and Phillip is playing and laughing with
his dad. The emotion broke through and is coming at dad full force now.
Flight
patterns and a two fisted grip on a toy has turned into tickles, laughs, and
cuddles. The emotion has broken through.
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