An easy statement with a big impact!

              Yesterday a woman sat down a table away from us at McDonalds with two little boys. After being there for a bit she noticed my son had shared his happy meal toy with no verbal way of getting it back and she sparked up a conversation with me. Her first question was how old my son was and the boys were very close in age, then she said her son was autistic and by the way I did not notice this before she told me but after she told me it was clear to me. We talked about the boy’s similar social skills and verbal progress and soon realized they were very much alike. I asked her when her son was diagnosed and that was when she told me he was in the process of it now.

                As soon as she said that to me my heart sank a bit because I know just how difficult of a place that is to be in. The information coming at you or even lack of, the confusion, the self doubt, the mama bear instincts that rise up, the why’s and how’s, and the feeling of being very alone. I also had no idea what to say to her and that surprised me. I was actually very disappointed in myself for not having some inspirational speech for her or words to ease the world around her. Something to help her feel she was not alone or to blame but I had nothing. I know from my own experience I would not want to relive the event again in any way because the emotional toll it took was overwhelming to say the least. I am not sure anyone could have said anything to me that would have eased things because it was something I had to sort out within myself over time. I know what shouldn’t have been said to me and I am going to list a few of those things today just in case someone finds themselves sitting next to a parent who is in the middle of an autism diagnosis.

1.       I don’t believe it.

2.       He is will snap out of it one day

3.       You need to socialize your child more.

4.       If you get him out of the house and around more kids he will open up.

5.       It’s those damn vaccines, how many did you let them give your child?

6.       Maybe your child is just deaf, get his hearing checked.

7.       That boy just doesn’t want to talk

8.       Don’t let them medicate him!

9.       I am so sorry

10.   Did you get any vaccines while you were pregnant, no one should ever do that!

11.   My cousin’s kid has autism and he turned out OK.

12.   He will be OK, some people will autism are able to get jobs and have a pretty normal life.

13.   Last but not least is my one of the worst things said to me when my son was diagnosed and by far the most hurtful thing anyone could say “There is nothing wrong with him, you just aren’t doing enough” Of course a stranger would never say that but no matter how you know the person, this should NEVER be said.

 

            Now I am going to tell you the number one thing you can say to parent who is facing an autism diagnosis or has already been through it and it’s very easy. The most powerful words someone can hear that will stay with them every day. “you are a very strong parent and your child is blessed to have you." It is truly that easy to say the right thing, even to a stranger who sits down next to you. This I did say before we left and the smile it left on her face was exactly what I wanted to see because it was a fact and sometimes people need to hear it. It helps to get through that moment that might come later in the day that is challenging or it just reminds someone they are stronger than they feel when the world blasts a curve ball at you, and you didn't see it coming. Every parent on earth likes to hear this no matter what the circumstance and those simple words have gotten me through some of my worst days. Sometimes we just forget and it's a reminder we all need from time to time. An easy statement with a big impact!