100% True and Without a Doubt!

There is a serious problem for parents when they have a newly diagnosed case of autism in their home and it works like this. A parent wants to learn everything they can about autism to fill in some of those blanks and there are a lot of them. The Internet is the first place most of us look and we look for support, medical information, diet information, vaccine information, genetics, parenting advice, and help in general.  The problem is this ends up being a tornado of conflicting information and sooner or later a parent feels swept up in all of that, not knowing what is correct and incorrect.

Every one of these organizations is pushing something different and sometimes they are even working against each other. One may say we need a cure, others say we don’t want your cure. You might find one that pushes for a better diet and another that claim vaccines are the cause.   A parent or family member can get totally lost in an overwhelming amount of information coming at you in every direction. This is the point when you actually feel what it might like to be autistic yourself because it’s completely overwhelming and to be honest, can make you feel pretty frustrated with why everyone is so divided on an issue. Especially when there is no known direct and proven information anyone can feel completely confident reading.

Pile all of that on top of having an autistic child who is not like any other because none are the same, a lack of resources, the challenges of figuring out how to parent, and the judgment society places on them and you end up with an epidemic of confusion and struggle.

What is the answer to this? If you are in some way connected to a life with autism the only direct answer you will find is in the person or child who has autism. So yes, read the information and listen to different opinions because knowledge is power even If it’s not 100% correct you are still gaining knowledge on how the world is learning. This helps to know how the greater population is learning as well, and can help to understand why some people feel the way they do. When I encounter someone who has a strong opinion on a possible cause, I know why because I have read it to.

The bottom line for me is no matter how much information I come across the answer is always right in front of me and right now he is inspecting each of his GI Joe's very carefully and tossing them up in the air one at a time laughing. One day he is going to tell me what he sees when is carefully inspecting his toys. He will tell me what is like to be autistic after he tells all about what it is like to be Phillip as an individual. One day he is going to say I love you mom and that will be the most important piece of information I come across through this entire adventure.

I can see it in his eyes and it is 100% true and without a doubt the only thing that matters.

No Autism in the Amish? Lets Think About That....

                 On my facebook page, https://www.facebook.com/ourtriptoparis?ref=hl, I have been posting food awareness and I have many reasons for this. Top reason is knowing what you are putting into your body is extremely important, especially when health care providers do not address this like we need them to when it comes to autism. I am in no way suggesting food causes autism but we don’t know what causes it, so we end up taking our own steps to see what helps or doesn’t help.  The majority of the things I read are based on diet. I feel even if you make a few changes to your daily intake and you don’t see results as far as autism goes, you are still doing your child a huge favor.

                On our adventures with autism I can say there have been many times as a parent I have felt very powerless and if I can find one way to take control and make a huge difference for my family and our health, food is where that begins for me. The steps man has taken to ensure more production as far as food is catastrophic for our health, long term. I used to think people who shouted organic were just angry hippies who doused themselves in too much patchouli and had a case of extreme paranoia. In my ignorance I can admit, I was very wrong.

                A lot of people have the same thought pattern I did and that is thinking it’s not a big deal. Why would things be added to our food supply that will harm us? Produce has to be good for you no matter what.  Whatever they put on or in it must be such a small amount it won’t harm us….right? Wrong, the way I look it is to take a bundle of health food and put it in your blender or whatever way you will eat it. Cut it all up and add those fruits and veggies along with any other ingredient you trust for your daily health. Keep in mind you are going to feed this to your child, if they will eat or drink it. From an autism stand point we are still working on that. Now, imagine someone coming up behind you and giving it a little spray of Round Up or dropping a little mix of steroids and mystery hormones in.  If you actually watched someone put it in your food, would you still serve it to your child? No, because you would never poison your family if you actually watched the process of toxic chemicals being put in or on your food.  Out of sight out of mind is why we have grown into a society that accepts this. The average person can't wrap their mind around toxic chemicals or the genetics of a poison being placed in our food and can harm us. Why would anyone do that and say it's safe? Profit...period. I am not saying these things cause autism but aside from autism there are so many things it could be causing.

                There is a lot of talk about the Amish not having autism and much of that talk goes to the fact they don’t vaccinate. An easy thing to target in the autism community but what I haven’t heard about is the fact the Amish live a very organic lifestyle. They grow their own food and that includes meat that hasn’t been soaked in chemicals for an appealing color.  They grow non GMO food and sell it, which I highly recommend we all start purchasing when we are given the opportunity. The health of our society is unacceptable and if you really pay attention you will see this. Yes, we over consume but we need to consider what we consume also, even what we have been told is healthy is questionable. Personally I think we could all learn a lot from the lifestyle of the Amish and get rid of our out of site out of mind mentality. Maybe these things are out of site and out of mind but they are not proven to be out of our bodies. If you don't believe in the affects change your way of eating to organic and GMO free for one month and you will feel the difference!

Do You Understand Gut Flora and Probiotics?

http://www.pointofreturn.com/probiotics.html

            The link above is an easy to follow read about probiotics and getting your gut flora healthy. My son used to suffer from extreme constipation, to the point a week would go by and his physical discomfort was horrible for him to endure. I was told this is unfortunately an autistic trait but I just couldn't settle for that. Autism is a neurological difference and considering the gut is sometimes called a second brain it seemed to me, this problem had to be affecting his brain and not the other way around. The toxic affects of fecal matter sitting in his body for way to long was to much for me to ignore and just push through the problem.

             They say a probiotic is important after a round of antibiotics because antibiotics will eliminate the good bacteria, the gut flora. My son has never been on an antibiotic and for the most part he is very healthy but what kept weighing on me was what if what he is not digesting properly is causing a toxic effect? I began to give him a daily probiotic called Culterelle and quickly I saw a change. For a month now he has not been constipated one time and because of that he is able to get rid of toxins and hopefully digest nutrients regularly. He focuses better and the hand flapping stopped all together.

             There is a reason I chose this article and it's because it points out one fact most do not. What we consume, meats, milk, eggs, preservatives etc... Antibiotics are in these products along with many other things we shouldn't be consuming daily. It's my belief over time, consuming these things will affect your digestive system and although it's not a immediate affect like a prescription antibiotic, we have to consider the long term effects of the small doses in mass produced food we eat. After all if we know these things harm our system with a large dose all at once, why would we assume small doses over time won't harm us?

             Go organic as much as possible and add a probiotic to your daily routine! I don't know exactly how my son feels because he can't tell me but I can see it's had a positive affect. I now do the same and I can say I feel better then I ever have in my life with this small change.

Grand Prize Parenting Moment...We All Have Them.

              We all have moments as parents we reach for something that works and hang on to it and we feel like we just received our own invisible grand prize trophy on figuring out our child. Moments you won’t find in a how to raise the perfect child handbook or no specialist will tell you to do.  It has nothing to do with a system of steps to take and you’re not going to find it on the Internet. A Parenting moment that by some miracle works for the time being and I can tell you what works today, may not work tomorrow.

 When my son is in tantrum mode he will go into his room and shut the door. Then I find myself wanting to find way to calm him even if I know there is no way. I used to open the door every few minutes and ask him if he was OK and it never worked. He would jump right back into full on tantrum and shut the door. He can’t open doors yet, so coming out on his own isn’t an option and that has prompted me to want the door open for him. The other day I started thinking about my approach and morphed myself into autism. He is already in process breakdown mode and I am, to him, a big person. I open the door towering over him and to top it off I am asking if he OK. A question he can’t answer and I realized just how frustrating that has to be for him. He understands my question but he can’t tell me.

                I tried something new that made me feel like I won the parenting grand prize after I spent some time thinking about the situation. He was in his room again having a tantrum because he couldn’t process coming into the house from the car so quickly. There is so much in between he wants to discover that it is always a problem to make that transition. I waited for what sounded like a calm moment. There is a two inch gap under his bedroom door so I laid down on the hallway floor and said his name very quietly under the door. He also laid down on the floor so we were face to face. His pupils were huge and that told me he was still not completely back from the place that was causing him to be so upset. We laid there and I sang him a song, which happened to be Gotye Somebody That I used to Know, because it grabs his attention for whatever reason. I literally watched his pupils return to a smaller size. Once his pupils returned to normal and he seemed OK I got up and opened the door. This time, he came out and was back to a happy toddler.  If I would have gone into his room he would not have responded to me that way at all and calming him would have taken much longer.  Now when I think back and picture this tactic in my head it makes me laugh because it really is just silly.

                I can picture a professional telling me to lie on the floor and sing a really bad song under the door and it cracks me up but it worked and I am hanging onto it. Even if the tactic is unorthodox and completely silly use it and if can make you laugh, even better. What works today may not work tomorrow and that’s OK because it’s not tomorrow yet.

Being Offended Is a Choice...Choose Wisley.

Pro-gay marriage groups plan Chick-fil-A ’Kiss-In’

 Lets take a look at how silly human nature can be for a second. No matter what your beliefs are or who you want to support, there is one thing ALL of these people on different sides of the fence could be addressing as one united group. The health crisis that is infecting the future generations of our country.
 I find it really interesting everyone is in an uproar about each others beliefs, when it really only affects them if they want it to at the end of the day. It's a choice to be offended by another persons opinion, and having a Kiss-In isn't going to change a persons life long stance.
 Here is what they are all missing in the war with each other.....fast food is bad for everyone. The effects of fast food on our bodies could care less who we are kissing or what our religious views are.
Bottom line, no matter what your views are, I don't want your french fries. If you want to have a Kiss-In, try to consider the protest alone gave this company a record setting income. By choosing to be offended, it actually turned into feeding the source that offended you.
 This land we live in of free speech has turned into the land of free speech as long as what you speak of isn't offensive. Parents of autistic children are bombarded with offensive remarks no matter what. I know every where I go in public someone always has some kind opinion or look of judgment. Comes with the territory of raising a child that operates differently.
 Yesterday my son and I did some shopping and this not a fun outing for me at all. He runs, he has to touch everything and his energy level is very difficult to keep up with. Stopped at a store we rarely go to so I could look for some education products for him. I figured it was a small place so he would be free to touch and I could see what he has the biggest interest in. Hard to find things he stays focused on because once he has soaked it in, he moves on to something else to soak up. So, we spent nearly an hour looking, and 90% of that time was me redirecting and chasing him.
 An older women who worked there told Phillip twice not to run, it was clearly bothering her from the start. Each time she didn't know I was 3 ft away and could hear her. I actually watched to see if he would even react to her because sometimes kids will listen to a new voice...not this little man. He was totally ignoring her. Or actually to focused on what he was doing to process her voice directed at him.
 When we finally established some things that might keep his interest I wrestled him up to the register. The women said to me..." you need to establish some authority" Now, here is the part I could have been offended but I chose not to be. I actually giggled at her observation because she had no idea how much authority I have been able to gain. Still kind of funny to me a day later.
 Moral of the story...she was offended by my parenting and I could have been offended by her opinion. I chose not to be....just that easy.

Completely Real, Completely Complicated, and Completely Awesome!

 

I am part of a group on facebook that offers support for autism and the daily struggles parents go through. It has been very interesting to read all the things autism brings to families both good and bad. Some of the moms have more than one child with autism and some have been living with the difference for years. Others have children that are newly diagnosed and I can tell you there are new members nearly every day. Parents who are reaching out to find people who understand how it affects daily life.

Sometimes it’s comforting to know there are people who completely understand how different your parenting style has to be, and the public ignorance that provokes nastiness at times. How the weight of that can really start to make it hard to lift your feet off the ground every day. I love seeing posts of celebration. It can be as simple as a first word or one of my own posts was my son taking his own shirt off. Little things we wait for and when it comes the feeling is like winning the progress jackpot and we just have to tell someone right away. Others can be a show of emotion or love. We know our children feel it just like you and I, but autism doesn’t always allow them to show it so when they get to break out of it for a moment and it comes through, we celebrate. Regardless of the stigma out there that says autistic kids don't show emotions, parents know better. Our kids are full of emotion and they do show it. The difference is, it's real emotion and not fake like so many people in life have mastered. I tend to think that makes autism a superior difference when it comes to human nature.

Other times my heart breaks for the struggles people face that they really have no control over. In many cases the child is grown and controlling them in a meltdown is a daunting task without help from another source of support. It's not always the child that ends up in uncontrollable tears but mom is right there to, desperately trying to find a way to bring peace to their child.

A question was posted yesterday that really grabbed my attention, they all do, but this took instant hold of me because I think about it all the time. The question was and not exactly her words but she asked if after having to adjust to the difference for so long, would it be easy to let your guard down and go back to normalcy? My instant thought was no, the daily adjustments actually do change you as a person and parent. We spend every day on guard and waiting for progress that eventually autism really becomes a part of us because in order to make the adjustments needed, we have to think like our children would. Or at least how we think they would because even after being with them every day we still don't always know. We are constantly thinking even when we don’t have the energy to and we just can’t let that guard down.

When we had our son diagnosed we gave into the fact we needed someone to help us learn ways to adjust for him and ourselves. It is really what finally led to him being tested. We just didn’t know to help him and felt someone must know these answers. From my own experience I can say we found ourselves being offered advice that would have worked perfectly for our non autistic children but for Phillip? Not so much. It was much more complicated than that. We have adjusted in ways that work great one day and maybe the next it won’t work at all, so we are constantly thinking of how to figure him out, how to protect him, how to help others understand him, and how to help him make progress.

Mostly what we think about is….how to unlock that autism door that we keep knocking on. He slides clues under the door every day to keep us guessing, or opens it for a bit but for the most part all of us are just trying to figure out how to keep that dang door open so we can stick our foot in it and show every one whats on the other side because we know how amazing our children are and what they have to offer. Completely real, completely complicated, and completely awesome.

What Would Our Autistic Son Say?

Along this journey we have been asked hundreds of questions by specialists. Many of those questions they required a direct yes or no answer to. From my point of view a large number of those questions just couldn't be answered with a simple yes or no. Our sons autism is not so clearly defined and I think many cases or all are the same way in that regard. Autism is much more complicated than yes and no's.